Reviewer: sickpuppies Signed [Report This]
Date: August 07 2014 10:52 PM Title: Chapter 1

Let me start out by saying that I like the layout of the story so far. It sounds pretty normal, but open to a lot of possibilities. Can’t wait to see where you go with it.

 

One thing that I noticed was your pacing. It was actually pretty good, a rare thing for a first time writer. The only thing I could say would be to add a little more detail to things.

 

Spelling and grammar is fine for the most part, thought there were some issues. One that I noticed was the way you wrote quotes. For example, you wrote,

"I think you would to if you were going to a new school and were only a inch tall." I replied

Whenever you write a quote that ends with a period, change the period to a comma. Assuming of course that you ass a sentence after such as “I said… or he said.” So, it should be

"I think you would to if you were going to a new school and were only a inch tall," I replied.

Just a small thing, but its hard to notice until someone points it out. My advice would be to find a book and just look over the way it had quotes written out, as there are many stupid rules that are hard to come realize.

 

Ugh, that turned out longer than I had wanted, but oh well. You asked for pointers right? So, just to conclude, good start, keep practicing (it never hurts), add some details (they are your friends), and I look forward to seeing how this turns out!

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed [Report This]
Date: August 07 2014 4:31 PM Title: Chapter 1

This sounds vaguely familiar. Is this a ret-con of a Writing.com story?

Author's Response: I have never been on Writing.com so I wouldn't know