Date: May 29 2014 12:47 PM Title: Prologue
Put some spacing between paragraphs where POV changes, and space dialogue when it switches from person to person. It makes it easier to read.
Author's Response:
What is space dialogue?
Date: May 28 2014 6:48 PM Title: Prologue
Well Jenna seems to be going down a dark path. Taking judgement on that poor guy just off word alone doesn't make her seem all that benovolent. Not to mention how pissed she got at that little guy in her shoe.
If she goes dark on them, those little people are screwed! Having TWO evil gts's is gonna be hell for them!
Author's Response:
She's overreacting, hystarical and unstable. Her new 'friend' helped her a lot to stabilize a little. Lets see how that friendship works out.
[Report This]Date: May 28 2014 6:37 PM Title: Chapter 2
Janna seems to be beginning a turn for a darker path even if it's not her fault, which given how Laura treats them isn't a great thing.
Author's Response:
Not to worry. I think she's just prone to being manipulated. I guess the crash, lack of food and this foreign, cruel, medieval world are just a bit too much for her at the moment.
[Report This]Date: May 22 2014 9:26 AM Title: Chapter 1
This story is outstanding. The only thing was that(at least for me) it was a little confusing when you switch in and out of first person. But overall I really enjoyed this. Can't wait to see what happens next to these tiny humanoids.
aaron
PS can't wait for the barefoot stuff : )
Date: May 21 2014 11:54 AM Title: Prologue
Loving it! Laura's playful killing and Jenna's dopey gentleness. I really hope the keep their distinct personalities and not change one way or the other. I think the dynamic between them works well because their personalities are so opposed.
Date: May 21 2014 9:04 AM Title: Chapter 1
I am interested but you could be a bit more organised when it comes to the changr in perspective, add like a line or divider or something. It would help a lot.
[Report This]Date: May 12 2014 8:34 PM Title: Prologue
Ooooh boy you're writing again! Happy day!
Also I totally understand where you're coming from with the writer's block, I kinda wondered if you'd written yourself into a corner with the last chapter of EOM. :)
Can't wait for more!
[Report This]Date: May 12 2014 9:16 AM Title: Prologue
Seems good so far, and it was a really long, detailed first chapter! Ill stay tuned to this one, the only criticism is the size difference...you should make it more clear, at times I was confused as to how big or small the saturn people were.
Also the name of this story sounds so anime xp.