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Reviewer: fated11 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 06 2014 10:52 AM Title: The Story :D

This was a good read. I liked your idea a lot

Reviewer: Jacksmith Signed [Report This]
Date: May 05 2014 5:50 PM Title: The Story :D

I enjoyed this.  I agree it felt a little rushed at the end, but it didn't really hurt the story; this felt much more focused on the set-up stuff, which was handled quite well.  Second person perspective is tough to write (I've tried it in a few of my stories too) because you run the risk of making the reader feel thrown off by having facts about them told to them, but I think you pulled it off fairly well.  I found it odd that your main character didn't just play dumb when the younger sister asked about his fetish rather than blindly confirming it like he did, but I understand it was to move the plot forward.  The religion theme brought in near the end was nicely done, and played up well without bogging down the flow of things.  In the future, though, I'd say it's a bad idea to bold/caps lock giantess dialogue, as it loses any sort of natural inflection.  Still, a nice job.  I'd check it out if you added a little more to the end after the main character is discovered.



Author's Response:

  Thanks.  I actually -did- intend for him to play dumb with the younger sister, but I just did a terrible job of expressing that.  I went back, fixed it, and then edited the ending to be a little better.

I'm still new to this type of writing.  I'm trying to see what works.  As for the bold caps speech, I understand how it can be annoying, but for some reason I've always enjoyed it when others used it.  Like, there's no question about who is speaking and in my mind it just sounds bold and threatening.

Thanks again for the review.  Again, I -just- went back and edited it.

If I were to make an alternate ending, I would probably start back at where he was sliding between Kristen's breasts, then write an ending for each individual girl finding him either there or eventually. 

Reviewer: Lil Speck Signed [Report This]
Date: May 05 2014 5:35 PM Title: The Story :D

 I had a place to be but wanted to finish writing the story, so after Lindsey discovers the main character, it gets a bit rushed.

I want to go back and polish the ending a little bit more, then I might add an alternate ending or two if there's any interest in that.

Lemme know! 

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