Reviews For Omega: Family
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Reviewer: SpookyTaco Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 10 2014 2:58 AM Title: Play

Aww, Abby redeemed herself for me in this chapter. Actually she’d never done anything wrong (I had to go back to older chapters to check). For some reason, I just didn’t have a high opinion of her. Now, I do.

You have a style of writing that forces the reader to pay close attention, lest he/she miss something important. I’ll start reading something only to find the missing puzzle piece a few sentences later (e.g., that Howard is on her breast). Usually, that’s good, as it prevents me from skimming and strengthens the experience.

As always, excellent work here sir!

Reviewer: Cloud Signed [Report This]
Date: May 10 2014 2:49 AM Title: Separation

Love the new chapter, and I love your consequence story lines. I hope to see more of corey in consequences, as his relationship is just so beautiful, but any additions to the story is more then welcomed.

Reviewer: Nostory Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 10 2014 2:10 AM Title: Play

Cute, Claire is either non-existent or just born if Corey is four.

Reviewer: SpookyTaco Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 02 2014 5:11 PM Title: Separation

"When did you become such an awful person?"

I echo Howard’s question. I’m deeply curious as to the exact moment in time when Elena changed.

It probably wasn’t instantaneous but the child is an infant. So did she want to abandon her son during her pregnancy? Why did she even spend an entire year attempting to reproduce?

I’d like to see her thought process — the inner workings of someone’s mind when a change like this occurs. When love is replaced with indifference. Show me that. If it is a gradual process over many months, show me the highlights.

She started her life alone — a wallflower. Sadly, she’ll end it the same way. Omega’s will enforce reform. Elena mentions ‘not with how I am now’. That implies she’ll change again. She’ll beg Howard and her son for forgiveness. She’ll likely suffer more than either of them for her actions. All because of her selfishness, her cowardice, her frozen heart.

Show me when it froze.



Author's Response:

I'll just go ahead and talk cause honestly I don't know if I'll ever get to Elena again since Howard has obviously moved on and Corey ended up with a mother that will do pretty much anything for him to insure he has a future.

First, as to why she attempted to reproduce: A Beta child was not a certainty. Corey very, very easily could have been an Alpha (which is a bit of a funny thing to think about for me - what ifs typically are, in terms of wondering what kind of person he would have ended up as. I like to think he'd end up just as kind and compassionate, and simply not be quite so helpless in the world. Of course, I'll also add a "...technically" at the end of the sentence that preceded this parenthetical. Contract will give a bit of a...depressing insight into a constant of him across universes). 

But anyway. I think that what really set this off for Elena was the first time she looked at her infant son, about the size of an M&M in her hand, and then looked outside at the world around her and noticed how truly unkind it still was to Betas and their prospects for a real future. Looked at her husband - someone she does consider her intellectual equal - and how for all his knowledge and skill, he'll never be taken seriously as a professional. Because he truly has nothing concrete to show that he put in the time and work to attain those skills. He has the Betas he's able to help, sure, but the professional community won't care. And she started considering what she wanted from a child of her's, what a child was to its parents. She decided that a child was a legacy, that the legacy she wanted was a child that could be truly successful because she was. She saw what her child was, saw what the world was, and saw what she felt a child should be. She concluded that her son would never be able to be what she wanted him to be.

And then completely failed to make a maternal connection because of it.  Because that's who she is now - A person who has succeeded in life, who has confidence (arrogance) and the respect of the world around her, who demands that her child be capable of the same status while being unwilling to sacrifice her time to make it a true possibility for him. The one thing that got me the most while writing this part, the thing that hit me with the most unease, was her complete refusal to acknowledge her son's attempts to gain her attentions. Toward the end, even as she starts to get emotional, as her eyes start to glisten, she doesn't spare him even the slightest showing of affection. Everything she has is for Howard, and Howard alone. When she talks about how she wishes things could have gone differently, she's talking about just one little number in the genetic lottery that resulted in her son being a Beta instead of an Alpha. One tiny little thing, but it ends up being the most important to her. Important enough for her part with the love of her life, to abandon him.

I'd like to agree with you, a bit, on how her life will end, even if she succeeds in getting the child she wanted. Because in the end, I think that she won't truly love any future husband of her's. Not really. That she'll always wish she had Howard instead, that her first son could have just been born as an Alpha so that she never would have made the decision that she did. And then she'll realize that it isn't her son's fault she abandoned him - that belongs to her; her weakness, her cynicism, her unwillingness to try to make a future for him. I think that Howard's last comment to her will be the truth - that she'll never forget what she did the day this chapter takes place. What she sacrificed for a "better" child, and just how objectively wrong her decision ended up being as the Omegas pushed though their schools and universities directly parallel to Corey's aging. He's even going to become a doctor before Alphas typically do.

I think that the Elena of the time Consequences takes place in and Abigail actually have something in common: They both like to drink.

 

Reviewer: sketch Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 10:30 PM Title: Separation

You're right, I reread it and they do meet that night.  Still, that's not what I'm referring to, which is why I use the term romantically. 

There's a four year difference between Claire and Corey.  They're step-siblings, not half siblings are they not?  So at least three years from now Abby, even if they become friends that night, will have a relationship and reproduce with someone who isn't Howard. 

In fact it's eight and a half years before they become a family.  When do they develop feelings for each other?  Are they friends first or is it just a professional yet personal interest she takes into his case?  I was even wondering if she ends up taking him in, but Corey mentions that doesn't happen till age 9.  So like I was saying, for almost the next decade, it's just going to be him and his son without a mom.  I can't even picture Abby starting in that role any earlier because there's no way I can see Corey as the kind who would wait for an official marriage to count the start of his family.

So we have a sad beginning with a happy end, so to speak.  And I'm really interested to know the story of the in-between.



Author's Response:

Well, I'll say that Abigail made a particular commitment a long time ago that she intends to keep. As a bit of a teaser, the concept of legacy also comes into play with her but in a much different manner.

 

On the rest...well, I'll just say that she may or may not have considered keeping two Betas at home with an Omega toddler to be a bad idea.

Reviewer: Pixis Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 10:07 PM Title: Separation

Wow, Elena's quite a bitch. I agree with the person who said this is like abandoning a child for being disabled. I can understand being worried about, disappointed in, or even heartbroken about having a child with such issues but to completely abandon them is very cold-hearted. Interesting glimpse into a world where this is a viable possibility.

Trying to recall now if Corey and Claire are half-siblings or if one is adopted. Has that been mentioned?



Author's Response:

They're step-siblings, Corey labels her as such is chapter four of Consequences. That said, it's a distinction that they place little weight on.

Reviewer: gadgetmawombo Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 2:57 PM Title: Separation

Just because I agree with Elena on some points doesn't mean what she did isn't despicable though!...It would be like a mother disowning her own child because he was disabled or something! Really disgusting, especially how non-chalant she was about it all.

Reviewer: pkong Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 1:32 PM Title: Separation

Between you and Titan: Exile this site has been getting pretty dark and heavy...

But i love how subtle your writing is. Even in a chapter focused completely on a relationship we still get some interesting information about the world hidden in a few off hand comments. You really challange your readers to pay attention.

Just the sentence "A democracy in which Betas have no say whatsoever, in which ninety percent of of our senators and representatives get elected on a platform of fighting back against every single thing the Omegas try to enact" tells me that Alphas still have a government, betas still don't have many rights, omegas are trying to work within the laws to enact change and Beta rights is still very unpopular. Maybe Marion is more the norm than an exception?

Finally, i want to try to analyze Elena, a character we only saw once and may never see again. When she got Howard he was a pet, but did becoming her husband really change anything? He gave her all his love, which he did as a pet too, and in return he was still completely dependent on her. The title husband was just a word, nothing really changed. Maybe their marraige didn't seem real to her until she realized she was a mother with a beta family and then she couldn't take it?  Like chrlorez said in an earlier review I understand her point of view, even though she was quite cruel about it.



Author's Response:

Heheh, yeah, I'm in kind of a dark mood right now I suppose! Maybe next chapter can be a little warmer.

Yup, things were definitely still not particularly good for Betas at this point in time. They had protectors, but the Alpha public did noooooooot care for any of it. I wouldn't say that Marion is the norm, though. By the time Consequences has rolled around, there is a whole new generation of Alphas who aren't used to being able to do whatever they want to a Beta, and a lot of any antagonism is coming from the influence of the older generations that very much pine for the world of their youth.

That's certainly an interesting analysis on Elena. What struck me, when writing this, was her saying that Howard is everything she could want as a partner: That is, he is wholly dedicated and dependent on her. He dedicated a lot time to helping her fix her self-esteem issues, helping her become a more confident woman. He bettered her, and she very much credits his influence for her success. But at some point, that confidence did become something a bit more. She needed further validation and satiation of her now more developed ego, and that manifested in her views of what a child is to its parents. I think Howard has it right when he says that her confidence became arrogance, and it was not a flattering change for her character. She really did become someone that stood in stark contrast to the compassionate girl he fell in love with. But that's my reading of it.

Thank you for reading, and for your comments.

Reviewer: gadgetmawombo Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 10:14 AM Title: Separation

I think some of the things Elena said hold some water, I think most people would be angry if a beta took their job! I know I would, but I wouldn't go and kill beta because of it! If they're more qualified than me then they get my job, it's that simple. The issue comes when companies hire betas for cheaper labor ( not physical labor of course)....How is a alpha supposed to compete with a beta when a beta needs only a fraction of the money to live comfortably? And Omegas? I mean I get they're all super cuddly with betas, but how are they supposed to compete? I'm still wondering how these guys are even funded to begin with!



Author's Response:

It really is a whole tricky mess. Especially when you start getting indepth with Betas, and which ones might be supporting a mixed family and which ones might be supporting a Beta-only family. The former will obviously need more income, obviously. 

As far as the Omegas go: "Work" over in Consequences goes into this a slight bit. A few of them were fucking loaded even before they became Omegas, and put that money to use in their cause. They also have donors, and Aegis itself has some revenue generating practices. 

Kayla also kind of cheats. Big-time.

Reviewer: sketch Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 9:03 AM Title: Separation

Totally understand why Abby hates Howard's ex.  Now what's the next step?  Considering the age gap between Corey and Claire, I'm guessing Howard has a few lonely years (romantically) ahead of him while he raises his son alone at the facility.

And easy clue, there's only one major set of sisters we've covered.  Unless you mean to imply how Kayla and Abby are kind of sisters as well.  Which is something you would totally do. Hmm... Nope, I think we'll be seeing Ashley again.



Author's Response:

He might have a little less time alone than you might think. Remember: From Abby's comments, she's the one waiting at the top of that elevator for him.

Hm. Just remember that there are four characters that I've featured in Consequences that can be considered someone's sister.

Reviewer: Xkcd0088 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 7:40 AM Title: Separation

Looks like Elena really backed the wrong horse here.... Brings to mind the Southern plantation owners who opposed abolition by every means possible, then watched as the new America pretty much burned down everything they had.  The Alphas fighting against reforms here may even have engendered the state of things in the 'present' universe; it's hard for most people to be magnanimous and treat fairly those who opposed their demands for a change in the status quo, so once the Omegas took control there must have been few tears shed on any newly-introduced injustices committed against Alphas.... 'for the greater good' etc etc... 



Author's Response:

She really did, didn't she?

Abolotion was actually what was at the forefront of my thoughts when writing that particular bit, glad it got picked up on. And I will agree that such fiery resistance to change likely did no one any favors in the long run.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Reviewer: Kusanagi Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 6:53 AM Title: Separation

Heartbreaking is really the only way to describe it. The only solace is we know Howard finds someone better.

It's also an insight into the more immediate past of this world, and a possible explanation why Omegas started reproducing.  Good stuff so much on your plate so it's hard to decide which one I want to see updated first.



Author's Response:

The bigger immediate issue is exams taking up so much of my time >_>

 

Ideally I'd like to get that new chapter of Consequences up first, maybe do another addition to this (likely an immediate followup to this first chapter), then do a Contract chapter. Time, unfortunately, is an issue.

 

Thank you for reading and reviewing :)

Reviewer: chrlorez Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 6:37 AM Title: Separation

Oddly enough, I can understand with Elena. Understand, but not sympathize. That's still a stone-cold thing to do, but I don't hate her at all for it. 

I always liked the relationship between Claire and Corey the best in "Consequences". I'm going to love this story, aren't I?



Author's Response:

You very well might!

Thank you for reading.

Reviewer: MrSirk Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 5:41 AM Title: Separation

Well...that was sad. Oh well nowhere to go but up I always say! Wacka Wacka!

I know you'd basically told us they would never meet but I can't help but wonder what would happen if Howard and Elena ever met again. Only because I love drama.

You actually gave us a good bit of information here. Beta's outnumber all the other classes and there smarter too! There like ants if ant's were geniouses who could build flying cars and super lasers! I'm exaggerating of course but that's kind of what I think's happening. 

I can't hate the alpha's now. I know I would hate if some super smart smurf suddenly came in and stole my job! Took food from out my kid mouths! Made it so I can't pay my mortgage! Not when I could just crush them! To hell with the betas!

Sorry I kind of lost it. Anyway this is interesting. 



Author's Response:

Whoops, I feel I may have presented the wrong idea: Betas themselves arent any more intelligent, though Howard certainly is a smart guy. The point being made in here is that once they actually have opportunities to learn and to make something of themselves, there really is nothing that separates them from the Alphas on an intellectual level. There won't be anything objective stopping them from being qualified for a lot of positions, or stopping them from being able to beat out Alphas for some of those positions.

Reviewer: riczar Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 4:47 AM Title: Separation

Very good.  I'm glad you decided to go with telling multiple stories; writing whichever one holds your interest at the moment.  Glad to get more insight into this world you've created.  

To many of the readers that commented here:  Ithink Omegas have to be careful of the changes they shove down Alpha's throats.  If Alpha's feel they have no control over their lives and society, then they WILL kill every Beta they can find, and launch every weapon they have againest the Omegas.  So the Omegas need to make changes gradually and hopefully instill equality in future generations.  Its just like how its worked in the real world.  In many societies there were discriminated races.  Over many generations of societal changes and education, that discrimination has diminished.

Anyway, I look forward to reading more of this series.



Author's Response:

Glad you enjoyed it.

On how much caution the Omegas should show, it's an extremely tough balance honestly. The problem with conservative, incremental change is that it provides little real hope for those currently suffering. Hope for their children and grandchildren, perhaps, but not for themselves. It's just a tricky as hell thing.

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 3:05 AM Title: Separation

And most depressing chapter posted on a fetish site goes to...

 

All kidding aside that was probably one of the most well writen, generally emotional tugging things I imagine will ever be writen here.

 

Great work.



Author's Response:

Thank you. I really am glad to see that this little short has gotten the reactions I'd hoped it would.

Reviewer: KazumaR1 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 1:51 AM Title: Separation

What stands out to me the most is that Elena believes Corey won't have a future but also won't help to give him a future at all. Her rational is bunk because she's just perpetuating the cycle. That is what makes her weak to me.

As for alpha politicians fighting against Omegas, I think that only extends to alpha controlled areas. I don't think Alphas have any say in Aegis controlled areas.

Author's Response:

Yup. It was a part of her that was particular galling to me as I wrote it: She's cognizant of how unfair all of what she said is, but does not want to put any real work in to try to provide a better future because she feels she will lose against time.

Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 1:44 AM Title: Separation

Also surprised that at this point the Alphas are even able to resist the changes the Omegas are trying to push through, always thought that Omegas controlled everything.



Author's Response:

I'll say that at the time presented in this part, the Omegas have gotten a good chunk of power for themselves but are still a bit limited. Democratic countries are actually their largest obstacle worldwide.

Reviewer: Nostory Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 1:42 AM Title: Separation

So this is going to be the story of Corey growing up with Claire and living as a Beta with his Beta father in an Omega house? 

Alright, should be a riveting read.



Author's Response:

That it will be, and I hope I can provide the rivets :)

Reviewer: NightEye Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 1:35 AM Title: Separation

Moving chapter. I understand Ellie's rational as disappointing as it may be to Howard.

The world building informations are always a plus for me (like in the Titan series). I like that you made Ellie tell us what she thinks will happen in the future between Betas, Alphas and Omegas on a political scale : "Because the moment Betas are recognized for their skills, the moment they have an actual voice...that's when things are going to get truly nasty. When Alphas are pushed out of their jobs by more qualified Betas, when Betas outnumber them at the polls, shit is going to hit the fan."

So so true...

"A democracy in which Betas have no say whatsoever, in which ninety percent of of our senators and representatives get elected on a platform of fighting back against every single thing the Omegas try to enact." 

Interesting bit of information there. I had gathered that most Alphas were still against the Betas and Omegas, I didn't get that majority was so overwhelming.

Please include more details like these, they truly flesh out your universe.



Author's Response:

Glad you enjoyed the worldbuilding, I always enjoy putting it to paper, so to speak, even if I do so at a controlled trickle.

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