[Report This]Date: September 01 2015 1:13 PM Title: Getting Help
"...you won't regret taking my advice."
On TV sitcoms, that's usually the _first_ thing that happens after the BFF says that (lol)!
Date: August 30 2014 4:31 PM Title: Introduction
I really like this story and look forward to seeing more. You make a few consistent, yet very minor, mistakes, but most of them seem to have a really unique charm to them. I like that. One small thing that bothers me is you have a habit of writing "OK" instead of "Okay." This seems pretty unimportant, but for people who read like I do, it can really ruin the immersion of the story. You also have a few typos here and there, and I think your sentence pacing could use some attention. I usually don't bother pointing this stuff out for people, but I really see a lot of potential in your work and I'd love to see you maximize that! Keep it up!
Author's Response:
Thanks! I'll watch out for these issues in future updates.
[Report This]Date: August 29 2014 9:06 PM Title: Getting Help
Fantastic chapter! Even though these last few chapters seem to be setting up the fun stuff, know it will be great later on.
I also liked the reactions of Mark and Kat. It seemed very realistic and I can easily picutred it in my head.
You mention Ash's dad a bit, but what about her mom? Is the mom there in the story, or is she away like the dad. It would be cool if Ash's mom showed up. I wonder what her reaction will be.
This story keeps getting interesting by each chapter. I can't wait for the next one!
[Report This]Date: July 14 2014 7:16 AM Title: Nightmares and Truths
Oooh! A genuine Gothic mystery. You don't often find those in a gts-story.
A nice innovative touch that made these two new chapters worth the wait!
[Report This]Date: July 14 2014 7:12 AM Title: Ash
I hope he, at least, took off his wet things before getting into bed. If only to keep the cold from evolving into pneumonia!
[Report This]Date: July 05 2014 5:59 PM Title: Ash
I love these kinds of stories, when the main character is in a strangers house. Soon he meets the entire family on by one.
Have you considered this in a future chapter, or will it be just Ash for a while?
Either way, I love the setup and story so far. I cant wait for the next chapter.
[Report This]Date: July 04 2014 11:34 PM Title: Ash
That was great, even though it's been a while. At least you made it longer, so that makes up for it.
[Report This]Date: March 13 2014 8:11 AM Title: Introduction
P.S. I can't help wondering what kind of snack Ash was going to fix herself.
A spooky taco, perhaps? ;-)
[Report This]Date: March 11 2014 7:04 AM Title: The House and The Girl
Hmmmmmm! A strange-smelling invisible gas that can shrink people? Sounds like an ultra-modern version of a mad scientist's house. Pretty cool!
My only nitpick would be the understandable pronoun accident with one certain sentence. I think you fully intended the sentence to read:
"They must be teasing me." ;-)
[Report This]Date: March 08 2014 11:47 PM Title: The House and The Girl
Very intrigued by this story. I think it's going to be a fun but mysterious story. Also a haunted one.
[Report This]Date: March 05 2014 8:39 AM Title: Introduction
Great opener! I especially loved the use of that venerable old line about a "dark and stormy night." It makes for a nice homage to those old "empty house" thrillers of the 1930's.
Date: March 04 2014 4:36 PM Title: Introduction
An interesting start. Shame it's so short though. And I'd steer clear of the words: "It was a dark and stormy night", but that's just me. Those words have created a lot of debate in the literary world over the years.
Anyway, the summary of this story seems good, so I'll eagerly await the next installment.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the feedback. I'll try and my my chapters a bit longer in future updates, and now that I re-read it, I really regret using that cliched phrase. Oh well.