[Report This]Date: February 20 2014 6:17 PM Title: Class is in session.
You would think that Ben would be the best student of all, spending all that extra time in 'one on one sessions' with this beautiful giantess teacher... Free tootering or foot scootering, alone time in the corner or alone time in the tight gusset, and sent to the office or sent down into the clevage he's still getting alot of bang for the buck!
Ya gotta give Mis Silva credit, she definitely has held Ben's complete attention! ;)
Author's Response: You are right on the money, midnightwriter. Glad you enjoyed it!
[Report This]Date: February 16 2014 8:32 AM Title: Introduction
Yep I agree, :) The more descriptive you can be in a scene the larger your chapters will become and scenes will become longer making it easier to cap that 500word minimum and thus make chapters/scenes longer and easilly crush that feeling that you're moving too fast in your stories :D
I'm not much of a writer myself, (technically) but a tip from GTSwriter (who is an amazing Macrophile writer, if you haven't seen his work alreayd ^_^) is that the best way to enhance a story is to add points describing 5 senses around a character, what they can see, what they can feel (how it feels), descriptin of the sounds or noises they can hear from another large/small person or object, even focusing on smell and taste can be good methods to bump up your descriptive quota and possibly give readers a greater sense of immersion ^_^
That's the general tip he gave me anyway. I do find it makes writing some paragraphs easier when focusing on some of those points, so it could be worth a shot for you if you're willing to try out some different writing styles :)
Regardless, I look forward to your next update ^_^
Author's Response: Thanks for the tips Alman. Hopefully, you will see the improvements within my next few chapters.
[Report This]Date: February 15 2014 7:12 PM Title: Getting ready for school.
I gotta say, the writing styles a little rough and a bit hard to follow at times.
But overall I'd say this is an interesting story with some unique themes mixed in. Like that whole mouthwash playfulness :) That was something different.
I just think some parts could maybe be a bit more descriptive maybe? :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review Alman. Yup, I admit my writing isnt that solid. I usually like to write shorter chapters that go straight to the point and this 500 word minimum limit forces me to write more which makes my stories seem like I am going too fast. As I write more, I should develop that ability to use descriptions to fill up that void in my writing.
Date: February 11 2014 5:08 PM Title: Introduction
Maybe not the best story ever but still great for your first one. I for one love this type of story. I cant wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review Altos! I will continue to improve as I write more. More chapters will be coming soon.
Date: February 06 2014 1:32 AM Title: Introduction
I like this. Keep going, I can't wait for you to get better and see your writing style evolve over time. I think you're going to be an awesome writer.
Author's Response: Thanks Christiawi9! I agree. I hope my writing does get better, alteast through experience. Thanks for the comment! Stay tuned for the next chapter.
[Report This]Date: February 05 2014 8:51 PM Title: Shopping
I don't want to sound like I'm trying to take over your story, so I'll just keep it short.
Try lenghtening your sentences, add some more detailed words...
Smells, textures, sounds and feelings, discribe what Ben is seeing... Everything!
Author's Response: Hmm. I thought I did a pretty decent job with detail. I know I dont have all the senses down but I believe I had a good amount of detail, especially in the beginning. As for length, I think the length is fine for now; I probably will increase it as I write more. I think I got the details in alright. If we were comparing stories, yes, you would have the most descriptive story, but I think mine has more action within one chapter. I cant deny we have different writing styles so I understand how you want my story to be seen by your format. As for the senses: True, I dont have about anything for smells, texture, but I think I got the feelings part. Sounds? I guess I could add some, like the car ignition, but I dont think it is that necessary to add, "Ben heard the car engine roar, he knew he was in for a ride". I mean I could add it, but I think it should relate directly to Ben's experience, like the sound of Miss Silva's panties snap or something. Anyway, thanks for the review midnightwriter!
[Report This]Date: January 31 2014 8:30 PM Title: Detention
One thing that really bugs me, is when writers don't capitalize the letter 'I' when using it as 'first person'...
-even when it's not at the begining of a sentence. "I walked over to the car, so that I could get my thing's", I said.
-there were a few other little glitches too, but you would have easily caught them yourself if you'd edited a little better, so I'm not going to go into all that...
The plot was pretty good, although it seemed a bit rushed, slower and smoother always works better!
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I should have mentioned this last review, but you didn't descibe Ms. Silva very much, only that she wore black dress and white shirt...
A writer could easily go on for several paragraphs just discribing the main character. As she is going to be the 'Giantess' right?
But, the content is definitely there! Just slow down, and re-read it a couple times before posting it, and you'll probably find alot of those little discrepancies yourself... but, you'll still mis a few, I always do! Even the best writers occasionally do!
Author's Response: True, I admit I was not really proofreading much, becuase I was just so into my story, that I just kept writing rather than fixing first. As for the capital "I", I understand it can be a bug especially since I have a friend who is learning Spanish and there are upside down exclamation points which look like lowercase I's. What bugs me when I read a story is when I read something and I cant picture it in my mind. As for describing Miss Silva, I thought that if I put my dream teacher's appearance, not everyone will also see that person as attractive. I personally am turned off when a story mentions that the giantess is a blonde. I just thought that an age group and clothing are enough and I will let the reader picture their own fantasy teacher for Miss Silva. It is similiar with names too. I met some people who are not exactly attractive to me and their names when I hear, I think of that unatractive person. So I tried to go with an uncommon last name like Silva. Notice how I never mentioned Miss Silva's first name. It was originally a name that referenced a hot girl I met, but I deleted that in case people didnt fancy that name. Basically, if I said that Miss Silva was 5 foot 7, there would be some readers wishing that they were a little taller. If I said she had red hair, some people may not prefer red. Same thing with weight. I just say that she looks sexy and let the readers use their imagination to fill it up. However, if you want me to specify Miss Silva, then I shall do so.
Date: January 31 2014 6:34 PM Title: Miss Silva
Much Better! The spacing isn't so hard on my eye's, and it's much easier to follow.
Is English your regular language, or second? Some sentences are slightly broken, but not, too bad...
Ex:(You wrote) Ben walked in and decided to sit in the back wanting to watch her. As soon as he sat down he heard Ms Silva speak to him.
___Try it like this...
Ben walked directly to the back of the class, he wanted to be able to watch this pretty teacher without anyone else noticing. As soon as he was comfortably seated, he heard her tantilizing voice, as she directly asked him his name.
"Excuse me, what is your name?", she asked.
"Um, my name is... Ben", he whispered.
"Ben, I want you sitting up here!", she firmly spoke, pointing out one of the desks at the very front of the row and directly in front of her desk.
- Just smooth it out a little more, and keep each person speaking on a seperate line, all of their own...
* I really liked the way that she took a seat on the edge of his desk, and pointed out her hips! NICE! I'd be in detention all the time! Ha!
Keep going Tom, I'd like to see more, before I actually rate, but your getting alot better!
Author's Response: Thanks, I will hopefully get better as a writer. Thanks for the tips. You made my sentences look much better with your example. Technically, yes, English is my 2nd language since my parents used to talk around the house in a foreign language which I grew accustomed to until pre-school. My main language is English, but I kinda started late I guess. This is my first story on any website, book, or anthing. Right now im kind of focused on content. Once again, thanks. I appreciated the review.
Date: January 30 2014 5:03 PM Title: Introduction
Yeah, first story's are really hard. Might I suggest the 'writing tools' section on this site, it gives alot of really helpful tips and guidelines that will help you out enormously!
Also,'ericafreak' has a very informative story called, 'A single authors thoughs on the writing process', it really helped me out alot....
*Just take your time, and have fun though... Don't try and outperform anybody, just write for your own enjoyment, and if you like it, maybe someone else will too.
Author's Response: Thanks for the advice midnightwriter, I will look into it.