[Report This]Date: January 15 2014 12:10 PM Title: Discovery
Well, the usual pattern in other stories (following the initially unaware stage) is either gentle giantess throughout. Or, initially gentle, followed by gradual assertion of dominance that eventually humiliates the little man into permanent submission. Or, failing that, crushing the life out of the untameable "bugman."
Author's Response:
Oh, I know where I'm going with this. There are some twists on the way.
[Report This]Date: January 14 2014 6:03 PM Title: The Invitation
Pretty good, for a first story... The visual aspect is lacking in your discriptions slightly. You need to 'discribe' everything in a much greater detail... example: Jeremy panicked as he saw Kaylie's feet slide off the table and.....???
Try this : Jeremy's heart sank as he saw her tremendous bare sole's drifting toward him, desending like a mighty oak, they roughly careened off the cliff-like edge and smashed into the floor with an enormous earth shattering implosion!
Something like that, maybe? Just a suggestion.
Cat.
Author's Response:
Thank you much, I'll keep that in mind in the future.
[Report This]Date: January 14 2014 10:55 AM Title: The Invitation
"Local disappearances," huh? Ominous!
Great job on these first two chapters, dude. :-) I read them right through!
Author's Response:
Thanks! I'm probably not going to address the disappearances more in this story, but if I like the way this one turns out, I might use that as a tie-in for other stories.