missing

clap clap clap

didnt get the ending was he eaten or crushed 

i really liked it but would you be able to change or edit the ending so tht we get to see what its like from his point of view to finally and slowly get eaten by his sister

Dude... that ending was amazing man, to come so close and yet still fail. Wow, gives me goosebumps. Oh, and it came out of nowhere (at least to me)

Author's Response: thanks a mil, speckman, for reading and commenting my little story. glad you enkoyed it!

okay however you are thinking keep going at it. I read hundreds of story and there is a shortage of stories with this type of micro plot. A+++

Author's Response: thanks andy! I'll keep at it for sure, no worries :-)

This was wonderful! I totally loved the narrative!

I think the use of "first person" vs "second person" though, detracted a lot of feeling from it. In my opinion, the story could have had a greater impact on the reader if both characters were presented in either first or second person; it felt like you was telling the man's story, but the woman was telling her own. That made the goal of your story a little hard to grasp, predict or understand.

Your descriptions were bravo. From the way you described the man's perspective, I was greatly drawn into his world, "seeing" it very vividly. This changed, however, when you were telling the story from the woman's perspective; your descriptiveness took quite a turn from describing to emotions. It made for a somewhat confusing contrast. Moreover, it gave the feeling that two different people had written the story.

All in all, I give this story a solid 8. Your descriptiveness and situational anecdotes were superb. I would have judged "10" had your story conveyed a more even flow--which it failed to do because of the changes in first to second person, and descriptive to emotional.

All in all, a good story, and a superb effort. Nicely done!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your reading this little story canaan, and even more for sharing your thoughts on it! I totally understand your point and absolutely sympathize with it. I prefer first person narratives myself :-) ! Here however i wanted us to get closer to the "spectator" of the events than to the "actor". (the thoughts of the shrunken guys are well documented elsewhere :-) )the story is a cinematic that displays itself on the screen, while the girl is more on our side of things, where emotions are. I was trying to play on this "dislocation" of the narrative.it may not be a very graceful attempt, i agree :-) hey, i'm real glad you still enjoyed it, in spite of the obvious flaws! Thanks again for your comment!

Ah I love it! This is the genre I love more then any other! I wish I could wright as well as this.

Please, please continue!

Author's Response: thanks, lil-panda, unaware stories can be pretty nice, i agree. glad you like this one. Working on the third part, but not as easy as i first thought... soon hopefully. :-)

Good start. Please continue.

Author's Response: Thank you, Stanley!

Author's Response: oh look! here its is again! :-) hehe, You should better match your comments with your rating, stan! this is NOT a competition, relax, man.

Beautiful please do continue, (will there be vore involved or will he survive? hope we find out ^_^).

Author's Response: Thank you for reading, Knight! You will find out indeed! :-)