[Report This]Date: August 26 2023 9:16 AM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
Another hidden gem that I somehow missed
Date: December 31 2022 9:45 PM Title: Chapter 9 - Alternate 2
Nice. I wonder if there will be a future alternate where Yasushi ends up in the sample sent to the doctor without being seen.
[Report This]Date: December 31 2022 5:36 PM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
I'm so glad it's back, including the two chapters I didn't have. It's always a shame when stories you like are removed. Thank you for reuploading it. That said, you did forget the chapter titles.
[Report This]Date: December 30 2022 4:54 PM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
Cool to see this back, it was one of my favorites. The urine sample scenario was really innovative and I love the alternate chapter that pushes it even further.
[Report This]Date: December 30 2022 11:52 AM Title: Chapter 8
Just wanted to add something... It's hilarious that the difference between surviving or not is going into his sister's piss sample, not successfully avoiding it. Dramatic irony at its best, bwahaha!
[Report This]Date: December 30 2022 9:02 AM Title: Chapter 9 Alternate 1
Damn man, I love this whole story, different parts for different reasons, but you did them all so well... But especially this chapter and 8, I love the foreshadowing of Mika being the health-conscious one, because of that my first thought when jar was mentioned was... 'sample collection' but I dismissed it as going too far... But no, you did go that far, and I think it's the most detail I've seen for this scenario, even describing how the experience makes him feel in-depth... Ah, it's just too good man.
I like the alternate chapters in general, allowing for a happy ending and some of the worst possible ones. Great stuff. Thanks for putting it back up, I really enjoyed it! Guess I'll have to work extra hard on that next chapter ;P
Author's Response: Thanks! Im really happy you enjoyed it all. I remember wanting to give the main story a happy ending, but didn't wanna miss out on any of the really miserable scenarios to put the protagonist through, haha
Date: May 11 2014 10:44 PM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
I loved this story. Probably one of my all time favorites. Do you have any plans of adding more?
Author's Response:
Thanks, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I want to give writing another shot, but real life just keeps getting in my way. If you have any suggestions or requests on specific things or themes you'd like to see, please let me know. ^^
[Report This]Date: October 15 2013 5:15 AM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
I don't want to rush you, and if you are dealing with the death (hopefully recovery) of before mentioned family member who has/had a tumor and/or work, then please accept my most sincere apologies for your loss and for bothering you. i was just wondering if there is any update to the alternate endings underway, possibly the vore ending? Thank you, and my apologies again.
Author's Response:
Hi there. Thanks for your revew and taking the time to write. At the moment, the vore.ending is about 40% done, and a couple others are around 20%. I am still working on this, and I want everyone to know that. Ive lost a lot of momentum, which Im sad about, but I couldnt help it.
Speaking of which, thank you for your sensitivity. It seems the cancer.is terminal, so the next few months are.looking bleak. However the weekend coming up is time Ive put aside for just me, so hopefully we'll see a couple chapters by monday.
Thank you again for your continuing support.
[Report This]Date: October 15 2013 5:15 AM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
I don't want to rush you, and if you are dealing with the death (hopefully recovery) of before mentioned family member who has/had a tumor and/or work, then please accept my most sincere apologies for your loss and for bothering you. i was just wondering if there is any update to the alternate endings underway, possibly the vore ending? Thank you, and my apologies again.
Date: September 19 2013 12:25 AM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
I had to write a review simply because I thought this was one of the best micro stories I have read in a long time. You've done an excellent job here of keeping the story light while mixing in various elements of unaware scenarios. I feel the Asian theme adds a new dynamic to this story as most are "American" centric both in style and feel, and you've done an excellent job of subtly adding it without being disruptive to the reader.
We need more authors like you, so please do continue.
Author's Response:
Thanks so much! As I mentioned in other comments, I actually live in Japan, so it's within my confort zone to write about this kind of setting, and I do think it adds some spice to the affair. There are a lot of things here that make being someone with a size-thing fun; no-one wears shoes indoors for instance.
I'll continue to do my best! Thank you for your continued support!
[Report This]Date: September 05 2013 8:51 AM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
tokubetsu, this is one of the best unaware stories I've read in some time. Your attention to detail, especially, brings the piece to life. Readers can really feel like they're experiencing the story, which is tough to do when the perspective is so alien to our actual lives. Your descriptions really stimulate the imagination -- not an easy thing to do.
I do have a bit of criticism, however. From a purely literary standpoint, the story could use some streamlining. For instance, you make a big deal out of how the family's parents have completely disappeared (in itself a bit tough to believe, since apparently they're both somewhat well-to-do), but this seemingly important revelation doesn't factor into the story thereafter. My feeling is that you could just do away with this distracting detail and have his parents be on a weekend trip or something, because presumably you don't want them around to detract from the potential sexiness. And yes, admittedly the family's lack of parents factors into the characters behavior and their family dynamics, but I didn't think that it was such a huge detail that it was essential to include (Yasushi could just be motivated in general, Yui could just be a brat anyway, etc. without having the parents gone). So unless their effective orphanhood plays a bigger role in the story, I feel like it's unnecessary.
Ultimately, though, that's just a tiny weakness in an otherwise fantastic read. I think that authors in general should tend to overdo it and then "trim the fat" vs the other way around, so in that sense, you're already doing amazing. Thanks for the story! It's a very impressive debut. (I'm secretly hoping for a toilet ending.)
Author's Response:
Hi Casanova. Thank you for your thorough review, compliments and criticism alike. Both are really valuble to me. I'm really working hard to make each chapter descriptive and easily-imagineable, using as many believable set-pieces and interactions as possible. For me there's nothing worse than a sudden immersion-smashing "he fell off her tits into her ass and now he is inside and then he is in her hair" transition. I try to plan each 'encounter' from both sides, imagining what the giant person would reasonably do, and how it would affect the tiny. Some deviations from pure logic have to be made, sure, but I try to keep it believable.
Re: the backstory. I understand what you're saying, and I agree that I sort of "dropped" the bulk of the background. To me the most important purpose of it was to give Yasushi a reason to throw himself 110% at creating something amazing, a reason to obsess and become an expert in something. I watched and loved the movie Kokuhaku (imdb -> /title/tt1590089/ ) several times over the last few years, which gave me the childhood-abandonment concept. I also wanted it to provide an explanation for the character's personalities to an extent, but I would definitely say the links are hazy at best in the story. My idea was that with no parents, Yasushi and Rena would become the "forced into maturity" pseudo-parents to the younger pair, with Rena picking up the role of the breadwinner to an extent, and perhaps harbouring information about what happened to the parents that she keeps from the rest. Mika, as the middle sibling, becomes the kind, neutral character - generally empathic and nice to be around, but with no outstanding traits. Yui, feeling untrusted and patronised as the youngest member, becomes petulant and... 気まぐれ (capricious? whimsical? changeable?), her outburts or sudden inclination toward mischief representing a desire for attention, to show that she can do things too.
I hope that explains some of my choices, but I fully understand and agree with your point. Once the story's finished, I intend to go back over it, merge some chapters for ease-of-reading, fix any typos that slipped through my checks, and tinker with bits that are not-great. That includes the background setting. Thank you so much for your input, and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Keep reading and your wishes might be realised, *wink wink*
I mentioned it somewhere below, but I'd be interested to hear which sister people would like to see interaction with, or even specific interactions. I tried to make all three appealing in their own ways, but I'm not sure I succeeded.
- tokubetsu
[Report This]Date: September 05 2013 1:49 AM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
I too made an account here simply because of your incredible writing skills as well. Your writing is amazing, and I've read hundreds of stories, no exaggeration. Since you plan on making multiple endings, could you please make one of them an unaware vore ending or at least an unaware interaction where the main character is in the mouth of one of his sisters? Thank you for sharing your writing finesse with the rest of us.
Author's Response:
It seems I've draw a few people into making accounts with this, which I'm incredibly proud of. My honest thanks to you for your kind words - it's reviews like these that are the biggest encouragement for me to write as quickly as possible. My schedule's been all kinds of strange lately, to the point of madness, but a new chapter and the first of the endings should be done soon. I spent some time this morning thinking about working in some unaware vore/mouthplay, so I'll see what I can do. At the very least I can add in an alternate ending after the previous chapter (during/after the nightime body exploration or Rena) once the rest of the story is complete. I with I could make a poll to see which sister(s) people want to see interaction with...
Thank you for your support, and thank you for reading and reviewing. All the best!
[Report This]Date: September 03 2013 3:03 PM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
Best macrophilia story I have read in ages. Unaware is so hot and few authors have the patience to stay with it or the creativity to develop it into sensual yet believable interactions. I especially like the details of survival you incorporate. Too often the author simply forgets about the needs of water and food. I would have liked it even more if he was eventually forced to consume toejam and other wastes from his sisters to survie, but hey one can't expect every story to cater to one's particular perversions :-P.
Thanks for your work. Here's hoping you continue this and other stories on this site and your talent rubs off on others.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much for your feedback (and for your rating, my first!). I'm really happy to hear you've enjoyed the story. There may be some elements of having to consume bodily substances or such in an ending, but if not (trying to maintain some surprise, hehe) there'll definitely be some in a future story. It'd be good to be able to tick off a lot of people's likes, or as many as possible without making the story sound schizophrenic and directionless.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to write! I'll continue to try hard.
Date: August 19 2013 2:01 AM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
I made an account here after going to this site for several years just so I could tell you that I love this story. Please keep up the good work. I love this.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much, I'm so so glad to hear that! I did the same - making an account to thank an author - and that led to me giving writing a go myself. I hope the community can keep growing, and I hope my next updates will continue to please!
Best wishes~
Date: August 08 2013 12:58 PM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
If you're taking requests, could nylons be included in this story? Its great so far :)
Author's Response:
Keep an eye out for the older sister, ehe. Hint hint...
Thanks for your review.
Date: August 08 2013 7:08 AM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
This is a very good start. You dispense with the backstory efficiently yet not so quickly that the reader doesn't get a good sense of the character. The description in the first chapter, in particular, of your protagonist becoming stuck between his sister's toes was vividly descriptive. One small suggestion I'd make is to keep dream sequences in 3rd person rather than 2nd, like the rest of the story. You also have a couple of typos you could clean up but other than those minor details I really have no other critique for it. Keep it up!
Author's Response:
Thank you very much for your review. I've gone through and made some changes to Chapter two, including changing the dream sequence's perspective, and adding some more description. I'm currently penning Chapter 3 with everyone's tips in mind - this is very much a learning process for me. I'm hoping to include a good bit of character building in the next chapter, and some dialogue.
Many of the 'action' sequences happen very quickly because I think that's how it would feel in reality. However in hindsight I see it doesn't make for very good reading. I fleshed out the last scene of Chapter 2, and will put more detail in in the future.
I'll keep doing my best!^^
Date: August 07 2013 6:21 PM Title: Relativity
This chapter seemed to move a much quicker pace than the previous chapter. I would take a bit more time on characterization. It also would be nice to get a bit more description of whats going on.
The opening sequence was a bit confusing at first. I understood what you were doing, it was just a bit hard to follow and felt a bit out of place.
I was hoping we could find out how it felt for the protagonist to be balled up in the lint ball, and how it made him feel. A bit of anguish and struggle for him to free himself
The scene where you had the younger sister pick up the sock seems like a scene of wasted potential. As it would have been nice to get more ground level view of protagonist going from the sock to her nose. The humility of being stranded in the sock and further degradation of his humanity as he's stuck to the nose.
I don't want you think i'm not enjoying the story. As so far I really like what you are doing and where you are going. I really hope you continue this as there is alot of potential here. I can't wait for your next chapter. The idea of being trapped in a nose is rather unique.
Author's Response:
You make some excellent points. I think I got to focussed on trying to move the story forward and let characterization and description fall to the side somewhat. I might do an edit tonight after work, or press ahead taking the advice on board. either way, thank you for your advice. ^^
As gor the dream sequence, I added yhat on a whim, and hoped that the change of perspective from third to first person would give a kind of cognitive dissonance, cluing the reader into th fact that someyhing was wierd. In hindsight it does seem to be hard to grasp. Its all learning.
Date: August 07 2013 1:06 PM Title: Setting Up and Starting Out
This story is off to a really great start. You're writing is crisp and easy to read. I like your pacing you gave us quite a bit of information in a short amount of time.
Your knowledge of Japan really added to the immersion of the story as the life style and travel was quite geunine.
I cant wait for more.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much, my first review! I live in Japan right now, hence the almost neurotic attention to detail. I'm hoping to get chapter two up tonight after work. I'd love to hear what kind of situations they'd like to see, though I plan to keep it as believable as possible.
Thank you again!