Date: August 14 2013 10:11 AM Title: Bradley's Flight
That was a awesome chapter.
Bradley better enjoy his freedom, becauses he going to be screwed when he gets caught.
I'm excited for whats happens next.
[Report This]Date: August 14 2013 9:42 AM Title: Bradley's Flight
I am rooting so hard for Bradley right now. He's not secretly a chess grandmaster is he? No? Oh well. But the nerve of Arell sending the "man" after him. Fight the power Bradley. Love the Shawshank reference. At some point you have to have something like, " The last thing that went through Arell's head, other than that plasma blast, was how on Earth Bradley Peterson got the better of her."
[Report This]Date: August 14 2013 8:07 AM Title: Bradley's Flight
Amazing chapter! I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next, and what the mega broad is gonna do when she gets her hands on Bradley.
Date: August 04 2013 1:09 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Here:
“As I said, I’ve here to research you
You mean: I'm
And here:
Yep, there were people in there, alright.
Before alright I don't think that a comma is needed. It sounded weird when I read it because a comma would normally be put before alright if it's part of a question.
Finally, a light year is a measure of distance, not duration, strange I know. You should change that to millenia or centuries.
Author's Response:
Thank you for your critiques. I'll try to change those. I blame late night writing. :P
In response to the comments about the "light year", I know it's a measure of distance, in a strict, literal sense. But, in the context that Arell uses it, it's clearly metaphorical. Like when some says "I'm miles ahead of you" when they think of something before you, or "I'm way ahead of you". I'm kind of surprised that people suggested I change that, when I thought it was obviously metaphorical.
I would hope that if I had someone in a story, who got ripped off at the car dealer, say something like "I got fucked in the ass!", people wouldn't respond in say "Fucked in the ass' is a sexual act, not an act of dishonesty. You should change that to cheated or swindled."
Date: August 03 2013 7:51 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Take that! Bradley was like fuck dat bitch, im outta here!...That or someone took him away somehow.
Author's Response:
Find out in the next exciting installment of: The Final Frontier!
:P
Date: August 01 2013 1:03 AM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Hey, I really enjoyed the opening chapters of this story and had intended to comment earlier. I'd like to point out that some of the confusion over her size arises from the fact that you've described her as being about 500ft tall, whereas in the 'growth' field of the story description, you've put Giga: 1mi. to 100 mi.
Author's Response:
This was because I didn't see the "Mega" option. Giga came before it it, so I assumed I had to use it. Just now edited, so it should be good now! :)
Date: July 30 2013 3:31 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
To clarify, it doesn't matter if people minded or not. Arell equated the two, in an accusatory tone, while defending the action of her people. That's defending hipocracy with hipocracy, and that's why it's poor reasoning. I also feel like Bradley would have pressed the same argument Orpheus made rather than concede, even if he's wrong, even if he only thinks it.
Also, someone who is kind hearted to begin with can snap, but they snap in a different way. They become cold and indifferent or lash out at the perceived perpetrators of injustice, they don't become them. Unless they themselves were the victim, and from what I see the people of Earth have only hurt each other. They haven't done anything to Arell.
Right now it's shaping up like she was just bored and lonely after so long, and tormenting random humans isn't doing it any more. So she got herself a pet and a project. Her concern for their well being is only her wanting it to be a success. The only thing that doesn't quite jive with that was the hint of anger. That said, that would be the kind of story I'm less interested in reading. Well maybe if Bradley is able to start affecting her. So like I said, I'll go back and take a closer read of the first chapters and trust in your abilities as a writer to make the pieces fit.
Author's Response:
You guys make some great points, and I can't respond to them in detail without giving away the plot. I will, however, admit that the original ending, as I was writing, like...chapter 3 or four changed as I thought of a more realistic and complex ending. So, I'm trying to avoid contradicting myself, and, so far, I think I've been able to do that.
I will say, again, in response to the concerns of Arell's poor reasoning: Arell has her own views. And her views may or may not be completely rational...
Thanks for all of the comments, guys! It's nice to see people looking into my work. It means you guys must be interested! :)
[Report This]Date: July 30 2013 2:47 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Awesome story i really how Arell is really cruel at points but then is being kind of nice almost really am looking forward to their interactions in the future
[Report This]Date: July 30 2013 1:42 PM Title: Concerns from an Earthy
Hmm, I don't know so much about this chapter, Kevin. I'd have to agree sith sketch about her justifying her mass abduction 'we didn't mind when the Germans did it'. It's not right. People DID mind, not only the victims. And you see, the Germans had a reason to do what they did. It may not seem right in others' eyes, but they had a reason. From what I've seen, there really is no reason for Avakon to do something like this. Anyway, aside from that, the rest of the chapter was quite alright.
Author's Response:
Well, while we could debate this for days, many people note that there was a severe lack of action to stop the Holocaust. For example...
http://www.history.ucsb.edu/faculty/marcuse/classes/33d/projects/usholo/USHoloMainPage.htm
Arell has her own views, however problematic they may seem to others. As for Avakon not having a reason, they do have one, and Arell was honest about it. Again, there have been subtle hints as to what is happening with Arell...
Everything will make sense in due time. :)
[Report This]Date: July 30 2013 12:56 PM Title: Concerns from an Earthy
I think even a kind-hearted being would snap and not care so much anymore after spending thousands of years witnessing the history repeating itself over and over, the only thing changing is the ammount of power and weaponry.
I believe watching so many horrible things happening along the years certainly would change the way she see humans as a whole. The problem, I believe, is that humans as a whole isn't a very pretty thing to watch... Well, sometimes just by watching some news I already snap and think about how cruel and horrible humans can be, can't help but to make me see 'them' as animals indeed and hate 'them' so badly. But I forget I'm also one of 'them'. From what I could see, maybe it was the only way Arell followed us since the beginning. As she decided to have Bradley for herself and get intimated with him to see how it is to follow a single entity, instead of the whole, maybe it's a good time to learn new things, good things hopefully.
I can't help but also wonder how much time of her life she spends watching over Earth all alone and living back at her home planet. Maybe it's quick for her to travel in space. Hope it is, otherwise all this time alone wouldn't be so healthy for her mind.
Well, currently, I have a mix of love and hate for her. Hah I don't know if I should be or continue caring about her or not.
Date: July 30 2013 10:16 AM Title: Concerns from an Earthy
So I've started reading, rather skimming the first few chapters of your story and am starting to get into it. But "gentle psychopath" stories are always weird for me to read. I enjoy the tenderness they show the main character, while having trouble reconciling the casual cruelty they show elsewhere. I find myself reading such stories hoping to either see a change of heart or a satisfying smack down. (In one case, I had a story crossed the line too far that I stopped liking the gts at all, even as the story went the former route of redemption.)
Arell seems to have a lot of potential. I get a sort of "doing this for your own good" vibe to her actions, and so far has kept her word of not harming Earthies if it can be avoided. However earlier she kills a couple in front of Bradley seemingly just for her own amusement. Unless I misread that part, that seems to go against the personality and personal motives that are being established now. I'm also not getting the "Germans" defense of her actions, seem pretty weak reasoning.
If you're up for writing and justifying the dichotomy well, I'll go back and reread everything more carefully, because it seems like I could enjoy this story. If however, this story is just going to revel in the sadistic, please warn me away now.
Author's Response:
Hey Sketch! Glad to see you interested!
You're very much right about the contradictory aspect of Arell's personality, how, at one point, she exhibits a "doing this for you own good" trait, at other times she kils some of them without batting an eye. This is also seen in the fact that she is sometimes nice to Bradley, but in other instances torments him by squeezing him and throwing him around like a doll. All I can say is that Arell is a complicated character, but the reason for this shall be made clear in time. There have already been some subtle hints as to why she behaves so oddly. ;)
Date: July 29 2013 12:48 PM Title: Under New Management
Huh. I wonder why Arell and the other guy turned a blind eye to Bradley's dishonesty since they can see what he's thinking with his body language. Nonetheless, great chapter, Arell showing her affectionate side. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response:
I wouldn't say they ignored it. Arell already knew how he felt about being in her possession and just didn't comment on it, and the other guy didn't really care. :P
Date: July 28 2013 1:38 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Wow, it was another great chapter, i'm super hook. Thanks again for sharing.
[Report This]Date: July 28 2013 12:56 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Your description makes it seem as if Bradley is gonna fight her or something. Not how this story is panning out, Bradley is anything BUT a badass. Great chapter by the way, I wonder what Arell was so mad about.
[Report This]Date: July 27 2013 11:09 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Great story, I'm glad I decided to give this a read. Arell is already a fav GTS, she's charming, smart, and sexy. She can be very cruel in bursts, but also somewhat gentle and caring. Basically she's the mix of everything that I like in my GTS's, the only thing that I find odd is the size of her. Is she like 1 mi tall, or several hundered feet? I think you should give us a good reference based on how big Bradley is. A simple sentence should be enough, its just something I'm having trouble synthesizing from what you've described of Arell so far.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading, Gadget!
I think I said somewhere in one of the Chapters (the second one) that Arell is about the size of the Washington Monument, which is 550ft. She's a little shorter than the monument, standing roughly at 535ft, so her head might be right under the pyramid head of the Monument. Bradley Peterson is just 6ft. so he's slightly under an inch from Arell's perspective.
Here's an aerial view of the Washington Monument, just to get an idea of how big it is compared to surrounding structures. Hope this helps!
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d2/US_Navy_030926-F-2828D-307_Aerial_view_of_the_Washington_Monument.jpg
Date: July 26 2013 7:01 PM Title: Respect your superiors...
Thank you for the response. Great chapter once again, Arell displaying her authority with an iron fist. Speaking of that, I'm pretty sure being crushed with an immense pressure from all sides to the point where blood starts flowing from your mouth and nose, it would be enough to break one's arms and legs, since they would take the brunt of the damage, no? Just my take on it, a great read nonetheless.
Author's Response:
Damnit, Orpheus, I'm an English Major, not a doctor! :P
All jokes aside, thanks for reading! :D
Date: July 24 2013 9:57 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Nice follow up to the previous chapter, can't wait to know what has in store for him now, it's gonna be one awfully LONG nap of her, for HIM lol.
Thanks for sharing it and continuing.
Date: July 22 2013 9:06 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Wonderful beginning you have here! I can't wait to see the adventures of these two.
By the way, would you consider continuing your other story, 'The life of a giant'? Charles is one of my favorite characters, and I would love to continue to read about him.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading!
We'll see about the Life of a Giant. It was a good story, but I got little feedback on it, other than one other person who was a frequent viewer.
Date: July 22 2013 11:32 AM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Great start, i'm hook to know what's coming next.
[Report This]Date: July 22 2013 11:18 AM Title: The Woman from the Stars
I like it please con't !