Date: July 04 2013 1:27 AM Title: George
I'm interested in this, but it reads like you've just discovered the dictionary. Cut down on your adjectives (zaftig and pious stuck out as particularly unnecessary) because they detract from the message you're trying to get across, don't just start random threads and then abandon them, and find another way to say orifice.
Of course, if you've decided you are going to write this as a parody I'll happily retract my critique and ignore it from here on out.
Author's Response:
Okay! Critique retracted then!
(There are no "particularly unnecessary" adjectives here, and orifice is a dead horse pun on office, Mr. Azra!)
Date: July 03 2013 1:51 PM Title: George
Hilarious. "Stuttering is the language of fear"
Author's Response:
Thanks. I'll review your story later today, by the way. Right up my alley.
Date: July 03 2013 12:59 PM Title: George
I must say, some of the plot sounds like a parody of GTS/feet stories ("the principal is a woman between 25 and 45 as most of them are") so I'll wait to see just how tongue-in-cheek this story turns out to be. Does the protagonist encounter either tongue or cheek during his adventures?
Author's Response:
It's entirely a parody. (My goodness, if anyone takes me seriously here, I'll be deeply depressed.) Consciously a parody of three different stories mixed together.
I'll pick on some other stories in the next chapters, if I go on with it. There will be lots of tongues and cheeks, and tongues in cheeks. Ass or vore next chapter.
Date: July 03 2013 12:41 PM Title: George
love it. Please continue it.
Author's Response:
Thanks. Will do.