[Report This]Date: August 21 2013 10:41 AM Title: Chapter 8 Good Morning
Well, then, my own on-going enjoyment should make your story-telling imagination more fertile than freshly-manured crops (lol)!
Seriously, though: I can't wait to see how the fleet reacts to Sakua's scouting party. Not to mention, the reaction by Otohime's husband at hearing that a "metal, spiked demon" bears the same name as him. ;-)
Author's Response:
Nice pun.
Seriously thank you for your continued support and fertilizer(thoughts). I dare not say what is coming next, but I hope you like it, right now I'm dead tired, just drove for like 3+ hours to get back from the ocean trip and have to work in the morning. Hopefully I can get the next chapter up before Sunday. Yamato was played out as a little more manly, and yeah I get giddy over there shared names too.
I don't think they would call it metal, since processed metal doesn't appear to exists in this world. Partly why they demonized it.
[Report This]Date: August 20 2013 4:07 AM Title: Chapter 7 Meet The Parents part 2
Definately continue this. This story is well written. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Author's Response:
I definitely intend to continue this story as long as people are interested in it. Thank you for complimenting my writing, I try. As for what happens next, well I'm almost ready to release the next chapter, so check back in a few hours after this response, and you might get your wish.
[Report This]Date: August 19 2013 12:17 PM Title: Chapter 7 Meet The Parents part 2
Shouta (great tag name!) sounds like a typical State Shinto misogynist of his time. I wonder how he'd feel if he was to return from Ryujin, and see what changes have occurred in 21st-century Japan?
Author's Response:
I'm trying to play his character off much like a Japanese imperial. So thank you. As for him returning to Japan, he went through a tear in space, not space time. So even if he returned now, he would just get to witness Japan's defeat, unless you were refering to a later time he returns?
[Report This]Date: August 19 2013 12:10 PM Title: Chapter 6 Meet the Parents part 1
Heh! I've been picturing sarong-clad women (similar to Polynesian islanders). Shows how much I know. LOL!
Author's Response:
Well it's not really far from the picture I've been getting, but thier more scantily clad, no skirts "sarong". With the woman being the bread winners of society, they set many of the norms. In this society if there was gender vs gender sports, "And actual enough guys the same size to play. "Shirts vs skins might have the guys playing with shirts on." It's a different culture.
Date: August 19 2013 11:55 AM Title: Chapter 7 Meet The Parents part 2
My opinion of Shouta went down a little. He may be upset and in a difficult situation, but he seemed to be going out of his way to be as insulting as possible. He was like a child throwing a temper tantrum. Hopefully he'll act smarter after some sleep.
About chapter length, I don't think you should worry so much about reaching a specific number of words. Sure, a chapter shouldn't be too short, but as long as a chapter ends at a natural point it doesn't really matter if the chapter is 1500 or 5000 words long.
If you'll permit me some criticism, I noticed that sometimes you write a back-and-forth conversation within a single paragraph. It's common practice to start a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes to help clarify to the reader which person is currently talking. For example ""You can't ignore me, you don't even look to be eighteen yet!" Maki scowled. "I'm already thirty eight!"" makes it look like Maki is saying both sentences. It reads easier when put like this:
"You can't ignore me, you don't even look to be eighteen yet!"
Maki scowled. "I'm already thirty eight!"
Author's Response:
Yes his emotions were flaring, and he did become rather insulting. Some sleep should help him clear his mind I think.
Thanks for your advice on chapter length, at this time my chapters keep ending before 2000 words because I run into a natural stopping point. I just don't like short chapter if I can help it.
Your right that I do mix some back and fourth dialugue in paragraphs, I think it's the influence of books and light novels I read. Possibly also my english teachers throughout the years telling me to keep larger paragraphs. Your right that it can become confusing to the reader.
I'll think on changing it, Thank you.
Date: August 19 2013 10:33 AM Title: Chapter 1 Depart
When will there be giants, as in your tag?
Author's Response:
The giant people called the Ryujin have already been introduced, the others have not yet come into the story, they will. Be patient.
Date: August 15 2013 9:04 AM Title: Chapter 6 Meet the Parents part 1
I see Shouta hasn't yet realized that unlike everything else in Watatsumi the men are not much bigger than men from Earth. Of course the only clues he's gotten until now are some remarks that men cannot survive on their own and the lack of surprise and questions about his size, so Shouta's assumption is understandable. Hopefully seeing Maki's father will enable him to connect the dots.
As for explaining things, this chapter is indeed exposition-heavy, but I think you're doing a good job of giving readers enough information to know what's going on while still keeping them interested in the story.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the honest opinion, with the exposition out of the way, hopefully next chapter will be more oriented towards character development. I agree he's gotten quite a few clues, but he's also terrified in his current situation, so I think when he meets her father he might calm down?
Also do you think I did well for going with a different chapter Title, I originally had it called Momo, but decided on "Meet the Parents Part 1" instead last second.
Hopefully I'm not shooting myself in the foot by cutting these chapters so short. But at times I feel like I need to stop at a good cliff hanger to keep people interested? Am I wrong for doing this with such short chapters?
[Report This]Date: August 14 2013 7:42 AM Title: Chapter 5 Holy Words
Great story so far! I eagerly await the next chapters. Maki and Shouta look like they'd make a great couple once they get to know each other's circumstances a little better. I find it funny that in Ryujin society she's considered manly while he's womanly.
Something that I found odd is the phrase "tree burner men". 'Men' implies that most or all of them are male, but given the world you've described I doubt that is the case. Especially because you also used the word 'fisherman' in the previous chapter while from the context it's clearly meant to be a woman.
Something else that I noticed is that Maki doesn't consider the possibility that Shouta is a man from the tree burners even after he talks about war and growing up on land instead of in a tree. I was wondering why. Perhaps the tree burners don't know Japanese/holy language?
Author's Response:
First off, thank you for the review, it really is helpful.
Well per say, the odd thing to Maki is how different Shouta is from all the other males she has met, which is only two. Since females are dominant both in number and size, and naturally the bread winners in society. Men are so weak as to need protection even from their mates, it's a role reversal of gender positions in society versus our own.
More on the Tree Burning Men will be revealed as the story goes on. I will leave what they are to be a surprise.
Your right to assume only the Ryujin know the holy language as they learned and passed it down from Hoori and Toyatama. In a sense, when Hoori fell down the rabbits hole, he influenced the Ryujin from simple like society to a structure society with Shinto beliefs. While the Ryujin Jimmu went on to change Japanese society by creating structure and unity by becoming Japan's first Emperor. The Japanese and Ryujin in this case have been entwined for centuries.
[Report This]Date: August 14 2013 7:36 AM Title: Chapter 5 Holy Words
Well, I personally think you've been covering both points of view quite well. And, it certainly doesn't hurt the balance that you're using "omniscient author" mode for each of them. Unlike, say, me (who constantly switches between that and first person viewpoint)!
Author's Response:
Thank you for the compliment. Sticking to the third person allows me to cover all angles, but at the same time, it leaves a detached feeling for the readers. So there is merit to the way you write.
[Report This]Date: August 11 2013 8:57 AM Title: Chapter 4 Maki - The Ryujin Weaver
It looks like it will soon be open season on the eligible males of the IJN fleet.
Author's Response:
That's pretty true, then again, it would also upset the natural balance of their species. The Ryujin are a female dominated society in which the females are very masculine, so being forceful is something they might try, but also a mate is free to chose his own wives according to Ryujin law until his first male son is born. Also I noticed an error in my last comment. Hoderi is Hoori's brother, and never went to the Ryu no Yo world. Though he was responsible in a sense, for Hoori's arrival there.
Man I think it would be cool if I could dedicate some time into writing a love story between Hoori and Toyatama, but I just don't have the time. It's plain to see that Hoori's and Toyatama's relationship would eventually radically change the Ryujin society, culture, and looks through mixing DNA. So writing a story to how these changes took place, and how their relationship unfolded might be gold. That said, for now I can't do it, but if someone else wants to try I'd be down with that as long as it stays true to the original story, and credits this series.
[Report This]Date: August 07 2013 2:48 PM Title: Chapter 3 Origin of the Legends
It's nice to have you back again! Will there be another chapter, later on, featuring the further adventures of Toyotama and Kamuyato Hoderi?
Author's Response:
I'm glad I could come back and devote some time to this story.
If there is another further adventures of Hoderi and Toyatama, it will either be in the form of a side story, or be in the form of oral stories spoken by the Ryujin people. The origin chapter was made to shed some light on the Ryujin people and there first encounter with humanity. So maybe, is all I can really say for now.
I have finnally introduced the female giantness seen in chapter one, the Japanese confrontation with the giants is rapidly aproaching. What part will legends play in thier meeting I wonder?
[Report This]Date: August 06 2013 11:37 PM Title: Chapter 1 Depart
Sorry i was typing my review on my phone and accidentally posted it before finishing this is an awesome story you've created here and the chapters are so long it's awesome
Author's Response:
Thats fine man, I'm glad you have liked the story so far, I'll see about trying to get the fourth chapter out as soon as a I can. Thank you for the review!
Date: August 06 2013 11:31 PM Title: Chapter 1 Depart
Read all three chapters in
[Report This]Date: May 24 2013 12:14 PM Title: Chapter 2 Out Fishing
I think you are a brilliant newcomer, who's had much better luck than I ever did, posting a chapter over a thousand words long. And, if there were a hat-tipping emoticon, I would post it right at the end of this sentence. But, there's no such thing, as yet, so I hope you'll make do with a smiley. :-)
Author's Response:
It's good to know my work is apreciated by someone. "Despite this being my least publicly veiwed story so far. :( " As for brilliant, I think I'm just choosing to write about something intresting. I've tried to make it my new rule not to post any chapters under 1500 words, this is hard for me, but I'd surely ruin the pacing if I strayed from this. I think the smut free nature of the story has turned people off it. The next chapter I have planned is one which introduces the Giants, though in this rare case it's not from the fleets perspective. I hope it turns out good.
[Report This]Date: May 21 2013 10:12 AM Title: Chapter 1 Depart
A very intriguing opener, indeed. Worthy of being the premier episode of an anime series! I saw a recent special on the Military Channel that revealed this little-known, last-ditch effort to repel the American landing on Okinawas. So, my compliments on your background research. Also, it's interesting that your hero should make a "God" reference. As, State Shintoism is the religion everyone in Japan had to follow, during WWII. Yet, there were many "Karisihi-jin" (Japanese Christians) who secretly remained steadfast to their faith. In spite of the penalties discovery of that fact (by the Kempeitai secret police) would carry.
Author's Response:
Well I'm glad it came off very anime stylish, as a fan of anime that's awesome to hear. Historically speaking The Yamato and her final mission are also seen as the final end of the war, as such the Yamato sinking herself is a very symbolic symbol in Japan for Imperial Japan and her passing. As for the "Karisihi-jin", it was just coincidence that I made that reference. Quote "With all the confusion in the ship it seemed all the crew was beginning to have a unwavering hope, as if God was on their side making them lighter. Still this fact remained elusive as some smacked into bulkheads when they attempted to run to fast." I probably should have said "The Gods" or "a god" but I might now leave it in, and make it something special for my main character Kenta. While the story does focus around Kenta and Vice Admiral Ito, this is the story of all 5,000 men.