Date: September 04 2017 11:58 AM Title: Chapter 6: The Night
PLS continue the story!!!
Date: November 05 2014 10:48 AM Title: Chapter 6: The Night
Loving it keep it up
Date: March 25 2014 4:37 AM Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Day
Continue it With Anna Coming home from School and finding out that her little brother is missing and is with the youngest ( Maya )
Date: March 24 2014 8:45 PM Title: Chapter 4: The Riddles
Fun begins
Date: March 24 2014 8:34 PM Title: Chapter 2: The Dream
I heard there was gonna be sharing is it coming?
Date: March 24 2014 8:22 PM Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Day
Bro first chapter it's a real downer
[Report This]Date: April 30 2013 12:43 PM Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Day
You have some interesting concepts going on here, and you definitely deserve leniency since this is your first story, but as other reviewers have mentioned, there's quite a bit of proofreading that ought to be done here. Obviously this is fetish fiction, not a collegiate thesis, so no one's telling you to turn into a grammar nazi, but there are enough errors that it's distracting to get through, so it would be good to work with those. I know this sounds funny, but try reading it aloud to yourself to catch things more easily. If nothing else, make sure your story's particulars are kept consistent (like names of characters), and don't be afraid to try out more description in general. Good luck.
Date: April 13 2013 5:10 PM Title: Chapter 2: The Dream
Your still is getting interesting, although you seem to mention a few things before actually explaining them properly, like yurni (which I quickly foun out was money), Likenja, Zanespa and T.M.R.P. (which I believe was mentioned in the previous chapter. It might be an idea to have a prolouge to help set the scene. You've been focusing on Reggie but you haven't decribed the scenery that much.
Author's Response:
With the scenery, it's hard to describe because of the first person thing, but I'll try to explain as much as possible!
Date: April 13 2013 4:58 PM Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Day
Hi Reggie,
Welcome to giantessworld. Having read your profile, I can say that I found out about giantesses through YouTube too. Some people are against posting fetish material on there but if it wasn't for that fateful day back in mid 2007 then I wouldn't be here now. Anyway, back to your story (and I hope my review doesn't end up being too long).
Looking at your story, I see you're attempting to write is present tense and in first person too. I've tried this too (visit my profile and read my own stories, specifically "Does He Like Me?"; read the summary for more information) but I've found it to be quite hard. Third person is the easiest way to write a story but I like how you've been brave. I do think it would have been better to stick to past tense as you've made your story harder to write. Each to their own I guess.
Here:
Oh yea my name is Reggie by the way (obviously)
I feel as if you’re patronising the reader. I'm split on this, but part of me feels that the whole first paragraph could do with reworking. You have one sentence describing Reggie and then the very next will be one talking about school. Each paragraph is supposed to be for one idea only. It feels like just a list of facts, which the reader will eventually be given any through Reggie's interaction with the environment around him anyway.
Moving onto the third paragraph I see it's quite a bit bigger than the others. I also see you've been mixing speech in with description. This makes your story harder to follow and would be best to have the speech of different characters on separate lines.
Then here:
I ask being polite.
I don't feel that's proper description for speech because the word polite isn't really used in that context. Perhaps instead: I ask in a polite tone. Although that still doesn't seem quite right. How about simply: I ask
You don't have to describe every single bit of speech. I read an article once which said: "Don't be afraid to use said". Using alternative words too much could actually backfire the article went onto claim, and I'm inclined to think this is true.
Well this isn't my longest review, it has to be said, but it's still quite long. Hopefully you will find it useful. If you're reading this last sentence then I know I haven't wasted my time.
Author's Response:
No you haven't wasted your time, actually I like the advice it helps me a bit better with my story. Your right it is hard to write a story in first person, but I enjoy a little challenge. I wasn't sure at first if I should do separate lines or mixed in together so I ttried mixed to see what would happen
I will take these things into consideration and I thank you for reading my story!
[Report This]Date: April 12 2013 4:40 AM Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Day
Nice start and a good storyline so far. However, at the moment it seems a bit rushed and you also should proofread your chapters before posting. Halfway through the chapter you changed one of the sisters' name from Amy to Anna
Author's Response:
Thanks, yea i'll make sure that won't happen again, The story kept deleting so I guess I didn't think to check it, thanks for letting me know. I wasn't sure how to start things so I guess it would be a little rushed, sometimes I let the story go to what seems right. Thanks for the support!