[Report This]Date: February 11 2013 10:30 PM Title: Chapter 1 In Love
I like it!
I'm usually more of a "get to the action" sort of guy, but when it's well-written, I like a good build up.
Tl;dr version: Nice!
Author's Response:
Thank you
Date: February 11 2013 8:05 AM Title: Chapter 3 Sweet
That was a nice chapter. I don't actually think it was that long, but it's certain an improvement from the previous ones. Good job.
Author's Response:
Thank You
Date: February 09 2013 4:54 AM Title: Chapter 2 Strange Dream
Things are getting weird, and don't worry, your writing will improve the more you write. I really can't understand the fascination with Call Of Duty. I know it's just a minor detail, but it's all people seem to use their Xboxes for these days.
Author's Response:
Ok ill keep that in mind
[Report This]Date: February 08 2013 9:42 PM Title: Chapter 2 Strange Dream
Ok, I'm gonna tell you something I tell a lot of new authors that do this. Slow Down! Don't upload so many chapters per day. Give it some time to sink in with readers. I used to upload like this, but it's better to just wait.
I really like the story and other than some grammar errors, not bad, not bad at all.
Author's Response:
Thank you
[Report This]Date: February 08 2013 4:33 PM Title: Chapter 1 In Love
Good start. I'm going to follow up on stubbornstain here. Separate the dialogue from everything else. It's a whole lot easier to read and more professional looking. Your spelling is on the cleaner side, but some grammar errors more toward the end. The biggest thing I have to say is, use commas. A lot of places in your story could require it. Like here,
"Don't worry, you won't see him around anymore." Add commas in little places like that. Helps a whole lot.
That's my review. Any future ones will be a lot shorter and will mostly say things like "good chapter." I am expectant for another update. Keep writing.
Author's Response:
Thank You I'll Keep That In Mind
Date: February 08 2013 2:51 PM Title: Chapter 1 In Love
It's a decent start, and I have a feeling this will be a good story, although I am a bit worried about the insertion tag. Most stories tend to rush into the sex scenes, and despite having nothing against insertion, I hoping sex scenes won't dominate the story.
You should split up the paragraphs a big better. Everything seems to be clumped together. Each paragraph should contain one (or two) ideas at the most and speech of different characters should be on separate lines.
Author's Response:
No I was thinking of adding the sex part till later and also thank you