Probably the best advice I can give at this point is slooow dooown.  Your story is advancing so quickly there's no time to take stock of what's going on or get wrapped up in the fantasy elements.  You say you're not going to give many details because you're not sure what people want to picture, but the point is you want to show them what they ought to be picturing by giving enough detail to let their imaginations do the rest of the work.  It's a decent premise and not one I've seen much of but at present it's sort of a mess with many grammar errors and not much reason to continue on past the first segment.  It wouldn't hurt to comb back through what you've got and smooth out the errors while also massively beefing up the detail.  Just my two cents.  Happy writing.