Date: November 07 2018 3:12 AM Title: Explanations
when a character doesn't real it ruins the story like you did this story like when his sister tried kill him the mother cried more for the killer then him that is were the characters seem so fake you at least you need them believeable ,¡f my sister did that to me how do you forgive someone you hate that is were you ruined the story he wasn't a beliveable even fantasy has to be beliveable to be a good story it was a good story up until his sister tied to kill him
[Report This]Date: April 01 2013 11:55 AM Title: Deja Vu
Personally, I can't see any difference from the first version of this chapter. What am I missing?
Author's Response:
I changed it up a little. I removed whole paragraphs to make a more interesting storyline.
[Report This]Date: March 18 2013 9:38 PM Title: Deja Vu
This is gettin good I couldn't stop at chapter 5
Author's Response:
Glad you think so. I have HUGE plans for this story. And I've only just started.
[Report This]Date: March 18 2013 9:31 PM Title: A 'Little' Talk
My god man your right she's just as fucked up as my Angela lol if not more so because her brand of crazy is suprisingly realistic given her age and the situation.
I'm beginning to suspect that you are the main character and that this story is real.
...
very suspicious
Btw your dialogue puts mine to shame. the dialogue tags are good lengthed and not to wordy and she talks like an actual teen which impresses me because I still have friends who are in high school so I know how they talk
Author's Response:
Hah, many others were also like "Dafuq?" when chapter 6 came out. Threw them for a loophole, lol.
As for the story being real, my middle name is Andrew... Which is where I got the name from. And thanks for the dialogue compliment! And don't be too hard on yourself! Your dialogue rocks!
When I wrote my first story, I couldn't write worth shit, so you're doing a spectacular job for a first. But glad you like this story!
[Report This]Date: March 18 2013 9:22 PM Title: Differences in Love?
Your dialogue problems have gone away by around this chapter and I don't see any visible flaws in your writing.
I love how innocent his girlfriend is and how realistic the characters are rendered. Just in case I went back and checked my psychology textbook and sure enough their reactions fit well with typical human reactions so job extremely well done
Btw its funny how gentle your Angela is compared to mine
Author's Response:
Of course you haven't read the next chapter, then your view of Angela will flip upside down.
[Report This]Date: January 17 2013 2:02 PM Title: Slumber Party
Welcome to the top 10 most prolific reviewers. Its a fun club. I highly dout either of us will make it to number 1 though lol. great story so far, I like the characters and cant wait to see whts nxt.
Author's Response:
Cary... Having over 2000 reviews. Yeah, I doubt we'll make it spot number 2 either. But it's nice you enjoy the story. That's what I'm going for, enjoyment.
[Report This]Date: January 15 2013 8:55 PM Title: Explanations
Great last couple chapters. Although I'm confused as to why Katelyn didn't look for Andrew immideately after she realized he was missing? Even before she told Tanya in her bedroom, I would've thought she could at least have been sweeping the ground outside or inside.. Now I liked the reaction Tanya had towards her sister, very believable as well as Judy's cause she seemed like she was gonna have a nervious breakdown at any second( liked how that was written).
At any rate, love this story an can't wait to see what happens next.
aaron
Author's Response:
It took her a while to realize Andrew was gone and by that point, it would be near impossible to find him with him hidden in the tall grass in any of the yards of the houses on their street.
Glad you like it, chapter 11 is a lot more interesting and after that, well, it really starts to be fun.
[Report This]Date: January 15 2013 7:04 PM Title: Explanations
I kinda lost track man, But i'm in the process of rereading your other storys(a bug in her kitchen) then I can give you a 'real', review.... I did read this though, and It is very well written, but, just somthing that I do, Maybe It help you Too
Reread, each sentence. Every time that you put a period, (reread) then correct, (Then) continue, Cleans it up alot as you go along, Ya Know? I do that automatic, Now, and it seems to help me alot, But, jus' sayin.....
*wildcatman*
Author's Response:
I usually do that, but chapter 10 was a little rushed as it is. I could go back and clean it up and I might do that.
[Report This]Date: January 14 2013 10:48 PM Title: Deja Vu
So, Andy's gonna get him some Tiny Grace? But this 'woman' that captured him has changed Grace's name to Linsey?
Andy's gonna get some 'FISH-BOWL-STYLE! Oh yeah! Thats right!...
*wildcatman*
Author's Response:
Fish bowl style lol. No it,s not gonna go that far. And the woman who captured Grace is called Lindsey. Grace is still... Grace. These 2 are actually characters from previous stories of mine just to tell ya!
[Report This]Date: January 14 2013 10:22 PM Title: Deja Vu
Not much of an adventure if Andrew's gonna be stuck with that woman. Good update, though.
Author's Response:
Who said he's just gonna be stuck with her? Andrew's crafty and smart. He'll probably think of something...
Author's Response:
Who said he's just gonna be stuck with her? Andrew's crafty and smart. He'll probably think of something...
Date: January 13 2013 7:16 PM Title: Slumber Party
Katelyn, you naughty girl you,...I, want to be in put,.. into those tight jean-pockets!!!
To hell with Tanya, I want more Katelynnnnn!
*wildcatman*
Author's Response:
Your wish is my command! But before Katelyn comes back into play, I'm gonna have a *SPOILER* blast from the past for the next few chapters.
You'll know what I mean in chapter 8.
[Report This]Date: January 11 2013 6:41 PM Title: The 'I' Room
Your gettin better Dude!
Author's Response:
Thank you my good man. I must say the same about you!
[Report This]Date: January 11 2013 2:12 AM Title: The 'I' Room
Really cool idea. So glad you didn't just do an annoying dream sequence, where it didn't really happen like you see in so many tv shows. An the fact that Tanya has a fraternal twin was very intriguing and I can't wait to see what happens next.
aaron
Author's Response:
Chapter 7. As I said, chapter 7 is where it all begins.
Date: January 10 2013 8:35 PM Title: A 'Little' Talk
Hey I just wrote a little from a new story an was wondering if you would like to check it out. If so let me know. Bear in mind that the chapter isn't finished yet.
aaron
Author's Response:
Sure man, just email it over to me. I guess I could help.
[Report This]Date: January 10 2013 4:48 PM Title: A 'Little' Talk
??? that was unexpected. Im assuming she is bipolar or something because her personality changed quick. Im hoping u have next ch Friday morning fingers crossed lol. great ch
Author's Response:
Bipolar lol. No it's what I call The GTS Phenomenon. When a woman has such power over a man, it can change her really quickly.
But don't worry, she's not going to be cruel throughout the story.
Maybe only another chapter or 2. (Out of like 40 or so. I don't know how long this story is going to be.)
[Report This]Date: January 10 2013 3:56 PM Title: Doctor's Visit
The GF part was actually a surprise for me.
Author's Response:
Really? I guess it was a little unexpected.
[Report This]Date: January 10 2013 3:45 PM Title: Doctor's Visit
sibling rivalries is usually the focus with these stories. I like when a author decides to give them a good relationship. It makes the story more realistic. I mean I dont have any problems with my sisters.
Author's Response:
I see too many sibling rivalry stories and not enough Gentle Family interactions. I took the task up and so far, people seem to like it.
[Report This]Date: January 08 2013 7:36 PM Title: A 'Little' Talk
My first thought was: Holy Shit!! Than after I calmed down, an reread this chapter. I am just let wondering. I mean I just can't get over what Angela did to him, granted he shouldn't have left the basket but what Angela did to him is inexcusable an will be hard to be forgiven. How will he not have brain damage, a blood clot or something from the massive head trauma he sustained. Well at any rate, what happens next I am hooked to this story. An can't wait to see how the next chapter progresses.
aaron
Author's Response:
Not MASSIVE head trauma. Just a little. I knew this chapter would surprise well, everyone The aftermath I hope will be enjoyable. I plan on uploading it Thursday, maybe Friday if I have any problems.
Angela just had that moment of complete power and it overtook her mind making her cruel and noncaring for her brother.
[Report This]Date: January 08 2013 5:22 PM Title: A 'Little' Talk
Dude,
Dang! He is in deep shit now! He better learn how to rub feet faster than that!
I'm intriged, with this and even the GODDESS IS SMILING DOWN ON YOU!
Keep it up! *wild-cat*
Author's Response:
Right now, he's incapable of moving. To give him credit, he tried to the best of his abilities but he was just TOO overwhelmed. He tried.
Don't worry. He's fine...
[Report This]Date: January 08 2013 5:12 PM Title: Meet The Griffins
No sibling rivalry, huh? She almost killed him. Not that Im complaining, but damn, he definitely did not deserve that.
Author's Response:
Not sibling rivalry, I guess it's kinda hard to explain. Sibling rivalry is where they hate each other. These two don't hate each other but Angela had such complete power over Andrew it kind of made her lose her mind for a bit (hence the plug metaphor I put in). But this is definitely not a sibling rivalry.
It's ok, I don't think he deserved it either. But it was still fun to write.