[Report This]Date: May 31 2013 8:13 PM Title: Chapter 16
Great story, I could really see this being an anime.
I have to say, Randall certainly passes out a lot. Looking forward to more
Author's Response: I read through it again and could see where it could be an anime. Now onto Sandals passing out only occurs when some sort of physical harm happens. This is to show that while he is independent and strong in his own way, he still has some physical limitations.
[Report This]Date: May 30 2013 6:38 PM Title: Chapter 1
Glad for the update, I used to love this story! Great chapter into the Alexander character, hes quite the little boss isnt he?
Author's Response: I went on hiatus because people lost interest in the story
Date: May 30 2013 5:56 PM Title: Chapter 15
I'm sure Aex...uh, Alexksandr, isn't as bad as first impressions seem to suggest.
Date: May 30 2013 5:49 PM Title: Chapter 14
Will it be from Russia with love? I must read on to find out.
Date: December 06 2012 7:50 AM Title: Chapter 13
For some reason i had to think of L while reading this.also...DOOD THAT IS GRIMDARK AS FUCK
Author's Response: It would be grimdark, if the story was over.....
Date: December 06 2012 4:57 AM Title: Chapter 13
I certainly enjoyed this chapter. I really the fact that you've also inserted soem comical elements in the story. Not many authors on here do that.
Date: December 05 2012 5:47 AM Title: Chapter 12
It was a good chapter. I enjoyed it. I didn't think that they had all of these nice things at the YMCA so that came as a surprise. I like stories that focus on the friendship between the characters, as opposed to ones about sexual desires.
Date: December 03 2012 4:34 AM Title: Chapter 11
One of the paragraphs is awfully long, but other than that I enjoyed this chapter. Good work.
Here:at any event that could have spike drinks.
spiked.
Date: December 02 2012 11:49 AM Title: Chapter 1
You could have had randall dressed up as a leprechaun and Jason trying to stab him with a pocket knife...do you think Randall would bleed lucky charms if that happenned?
Author's Response: Hilarious suggestion, but Randall would never allow it.
Date: December 02 2012 5:01 AM Title: Chapter 10
Sorry, my bad. I feel like such an idiot right now. Please forgive me.
Author's Response: It's OK, but I do have good news. I have the next 4 to 6 chapters set up. The only thing that I got to do is right them.
Date: December 02 2012 5:01 AM Title: Chapter 10
Sorry, my bad. I feel like such an idiot right now. Please forgive me.
Date: December 01 2012 4:50 PM Title: Chapter 10
I think this chapter is the best yet. Maybe Ashley will beat up Jason sometime?
Author's Response: 'Randall noticed a mass on the ground a couple meters away that looked in the same condition that he was in.' She already beat the crap out of him, but she could do it again in a future chapter.
Date: December 01 2012 4:04 PM Title: Chapter 10
Aw, you took Randall's and Jason's argueing from hellsing ultimate abridged by TeamFourStar, didn't you?
Author's Response: Yes, Yes I did.
Date: December 01 2012 7:02 AM Title: Chapter 9
So he found Jason I take it? That seems like the most logical conclusion. Shame you ended the chapter when you did.
Date: November 30 2012 1:48 PM Title: Chapter 8
Again, a good chapter, though the description of the outfit could have been better I felt. Also I noticed some things (I hope you don't mind):
Here: Arriving on the other side of the story
store
And: “Party of two tis evening?”
this
Also:
“Ma’am, I am grateful for your concern but I wand
want
Author's Response: *clicks edit* I don't know what mistakes you are talking about again my good sir. The second sentence, however, is correct because that is just the way that Vicky talks(Go to a southern dinner and see what I mean). I could have given more detail on the costumes, but they only came with three pieces; a tail, ears, and attachable canines. Thanks for reading.
[Report This]Date: November 29 2012 10:11 PM Title: Chapter 1
not bad i like it alot
Author's Response: I find it funny that this is a story that I want to see continued even though I am the author. Anyways, thanks for the review!
Date: November 29 2012 12:43 PM Title: Chapter 7
I don't think his sister will mess things up too much. I'm sure Ashley will tell her off if she doesn't anything really stupid.
Date: November 29 2012 4:07 AM Title: Chapter 7
im interested!
Author's Response:
Yay! We got one person. Working on chapter 8 right now(hopefully finished by the end of the day), but already have the outline for chapter 9 and 10.
Date: November 28 2012 4:26 PM Title: Chapter 6
A fine update.
Here: reason of why he was could was because he had several ice packs
You mean "cold".
And here:
“Ashley,, you are probably the
two commas.
That's all I noticed.
Author's Response:
*clicks edit* I do not see the mistakes you are talking about my good sir.
Date: November 28 2012 4:17 AM Title: Chapter 5
Rather than have some bits in first person and most of it in 3rd person why not have it all one way or all the other way? It seems odd the way you've written it and I've not really read anything like this before.
Author's Response:
I'll try to keep that in mind, but I tried to get the audience to see how the other characters see the situation. I also tried something new with adding in thought to show how the character was thinking at any certain point. As to the last part of your review, I done know if that is a good or bad thing. Anyways thanks for your response and I'll keep writing as long as people review this.