[Report This]Date: September 04 2012 12:32 PM Title: Chapter 4
So, mother and daughter shrink _anybody_ they feel won't benefit society? Including those they deem potentially merely adequate? Just because they _can_?! Can you say "sociopathic bee-yotches?"
On the plus side; I did find this story riveting enough to read these first five chapters in one sitting. So, you definitely have earned five stars.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review and rating. Happy you like it so far.
For the rest: there's a method to their madness. In any case, I find pure & unmitigated sadism tiring and unrealistic after awhile, especially in the little fictions on this site. People (Adela and Holly among them) can be bee-yotches for pretty interesting reasons, too.
[Report This]Date: September 03 2012 6:49 PM Title: Chapter 4
this shit is scary. Holly may not be sadistic but Adela sure is. I kind of want to know why Adela is so evil. martin is not a bad kid so why is he truly enslaved, I would like for martin to get some compassion from his new goddesses. I LOVE THE STORY KEEP IT UP!
Author's Response:
Thanks for the rating and review, and happy you like it so far. (I've been busy tonight, but I'll type out the next few chapters tomorrow and the day after. Got the outline of the action and dialogue worked out, and I just have to type it.)
I have answers for all those questions, but I can't promise they're the ones you're hoping for.
Re: 'scary' -- For some scenes in this story, I'm sort of living in the borderland between erotic fantasy fiction and pure horror. The vore scene from the last chapter has been repeated in dozens of different stories on this site, many times without a speck or hint of horror. In my view, a situation like that is as ripe for horror as it is for the usual 'Hot Steamy Vore' (I'm not really into vore as much as other subsets of the fantasy). I'm happy to hear that the 'scary' part of that is coming through.
[Report This]Date: September 02 2012 11:12 PM Title: Chapter 4
Excellent good sir, you're crafting masterpiece.
Author's Response:
Happy you like it so far. I'll type out the next few chapters tomorrow, when I have time.
Date: September 02 2012 10:31 PM Title: Introduction
i like this alot, keep it up
Author's Response:
Thanks.
[Report This]Date: September 02 2012 1:07 PM Title: Introduction
You've struck a good balance on this story. It's a fairly common fantasy with a more unique twist on it because you're doing a great job of integrating psychological elements into the story to really get the reader into the head of your protagonist. Your descriptions are simple but not overly wordy, and your dialogue has some kick to it. One suggestion I might make is finding a way to restructure your story in the future so that alternate perspective recaps aren't necessary, as these have a tendency to be a bit jarring in stories like this. Nevertheless, a very good piece of work here. I'm enjoying it.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your review and rating. I have some questions here and there about what you mean ("descriptions are simple but not overly wordy"), but I get the gist of it. Much appreciated.
Personal confession: I'm a great fan of jarring digressions and detours in a narrative, whether they're done for humor (you can learn lots from Tristram Shandy or any Dickens novel about how to entertain with unnecessary details and gratuitous asides), or whether they're done in a kind of reflective, philosophical manner. The thing in Chapter 2, here, can be skipped over without affecting the plot--I included it, clumsily, in order to include some deeper character study (of Holly) that would not have happened in narrative time.
You're most likely right that that's not what readers are looking for (realized that in the course of writing my last story, set in the 1830s, as readers tended to skip over the chapters without fetish content).
- D
[Report This]Date: September 01 2012 9:02 PM Title: Chapter 3
Kudos on not making Adela the -sympethetic soul- just yet or at all. I'm really liking this one.
Author's Response:
No, Adela is my designated psychotic or sadist for this story (I don't mind typecasting her). I got the name from Bruno Schulz's 'Cinnamon Shops/Street of Crocodiles' book of short stories, and was surprised to find that it's already been used on the site a number of times. (So maybe others had the same idea?--Its use here is way out of proportion to its popularity as a name.)
[Report This]Date: August 31 2012 11:37 PM Title: Chapter 2
Another excellent chapter good sir.
Author's Response:
Thanks. I appreciate the rating (and comment). Keep reading!
Date: August 30 2012 8:04 PM Title: Chapter 1
Well writen and crafted, I'm making this a daily stop...well whenever you update anyways.
Author's Response:
Thanks again. I've got a number of ideas for this story (as many as the categories I've tagged to it), so it may go on for awhile. Hope you continue to enjoy.
Date: August 30 2012 5:25 PM Title: Introduction
please continue
Author's Response:
Thanks. Will do. I hope I continue to write things that are worth reading.
Date: August 29 2012 5:41 PM Title: Introduction
Very interesting start.
Looking forward to more.
Author's Response:
Thanks. It's a variation on a common fantasy, and I think I'll enjoy writing it.