Date: June 26 2012 3:43 PM Title: Chapter 2
I do like your story, however you must remember to proofread it. I guess English may not be your first language though. Your story was still readable it was jsut there were a few lines that didn't make sense to me, and it's a shame because I'm enjoying your story.
Date: June 23 2012 3:14 AM Title: Chapter 1
Thank you very much for your constructive criticism and for your comment. I am Italian and it's hard for me to bring my style into English, which you see is not direct, but starts very distantly. A sort of escalation of action. I hope not to disappoint your expectations.
Date: June 22 2012 3:48 PM Title: Chapter 1
This is interesting. I like the destripion, but you should be putting the speech on separate lines to the description. That's all. I have high hopes for this story, and it's not often that people actually mention police in a story. I always thought the police would come looking, but people never seem touch on that aspect when they write shrinking stories. Well not stories that I've read, and I'm the thrid most prolific reviewer.