[Report This]Date: September 03 2011 10:15 AM Title: Chapter 1
I disagree with the other commenters, not much longer and you would've just been repeating yourself.
Two things i would change though.
1. she was a bit casual about the whole thing. She's killing her best friend, i think she'd be a bit more emotional.
2. He accepted his fate a bit too quickly for me
[Report This]Date: June 10 2011 3:22 PM Title: Chapter 1
I'll join the chorus of people saying it was way too quick.
I agree that many stories can be too long winded and they can lose their readers. I really love the gentle vore stories between people who have affection for one another. But that sort of story has to be based in that relationship and how that emotional relationship is about to evolve, Giving that short shrift is a tragedy.
Author's Response:
Fine, too short. Got it.
[Report This]Date: June 07 2011 11:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
Good but a little to quck for my taste.
Author's Response:
Yeah, I actually didn't think anybody wanted to spend forever reading a story. Sometimes I feel like they are a bit long-winded.