[Report This]Date: August 03 2015 11:07 AM Title: Planet Tiny IX: Emma Returns
Dude. This is so hard to follow. The characters aren't developed, and hard to read. Not exactly a story I was hoping to read.
[Report This]Date: August 03 2015 11:07 AM Title: Planet Tiny IX: Emma Returns
Dude. This is so hard to follow. The characters aren't developed, and hard to read. Not exactly a story I was hoping to read.
[Report This]Date: July 30 2014 3:13 PM Title: Planet Tiny VII: Across the 4th Dimension ~ Phineas and Ferb the Movie Edition | Celebrating the 3rd year Anniversary of Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension
I don't really have anything to add, as it would echo the last reviewer pretty exactly. I'm not here to bash what you're doing, but you post so many things that fail to grasp some of the core concepts of the medium that it can grate the nerves a bit. You are always free to post what you want, as that's what an open community is for, but it would really do you some good to work on your craft rather than keep doing what you've been doing; it's just not working at all.
[Report This]Date: July 30 2014 2:49 PM Title: Planet Tiny VII: Across the 4th Dimension ~ Phineas and Ferb the Movie Edition | Celebrating the 3rd year Anniversary of Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension
This is not a tv show or movie. You have to stop writing as if it is. You can't have a corny song in a text only format, because there is no way to make it work.
Awful cheesy music numbers can be endearing on television and in movies because they have the visuals and music to carry them. You don't have that luxury, and the whole thing just comes off as a poorly thought out mess.
If you are content with always getting bad responses then I can't stop you from doing the same thing over and over again. But if you want to improve your writing you need to actually put some effort into writing short stories. Not writing as if you were imaging a movie, but writing with the intention of using the verbal medium. You write short stories as if they were tv shows, you don't proofread, and it comes out weird and hard to ingest. The content even takes a backseat to how poorly formatted it is. learn the conventions, learn grammar, and stop writing as if it were a script for a show.
I need to repeat that again: you need to stop writing as if it were a television show or a movie. It just doesn't work as a short story on the internet.
Look up writing excersizes. Write more than one draft. Here is an excellent resource on basic writing convention: http://www.ttms.org/writing_quality/writing_quality.htm . read through all of it.
Once you get a better grasp on how to write properly, I promise you you will get less scathing negative reviews.
[Report This]Date: June 19 2014 6:54 AM Title: Planet Tiny II: Girl Invasion
this is ok but you could use some more work on stuff. its super short and you don't need to tell all the bio stuff, just show it in the story.
Author's Response:
Thanks I'll try my best. I'll try to think of more things, but a lot of info. doesn't just come into my head like magic.
Author's Response:
Thanks I'll try my best. I'll try to think of more things, but a lot of info. doesn't just come into my head like magic.
Date: June 15 2014 8:13 PM Title: Planet Tiny I: Are We Alone?
I'm not trying to discourage you. I think it takes lots of courage and patience to write and post a story here.
When I see inconsistencies, it disrupts the flow of the story and ruins the experience. In Chapter 4 you dealt with my concern, that all the men in the world shrank and the women didn't notice, all but clumsily (3 days?!). Another inconsistency was the flight to Tampa. I'm not sure what the balance of power between the sexes is in your world, but in reality, most pilots in the world are men. I don't think there are enough qualified female pilots to fill in for all the missing men.
In a word, chaos! Take men out of the equation and the world stops. You missed many opportunities to show the reader what life is like in a world with shrunken men. That's why myself and my fellow reviewers suggested you slow down and take your time developing plot and characters. Your overall plot is good. But if plot were all it took, then I'd have hundreds of stories posted here. Keep writing! You could even keep refining this story and show us a polished masterpiece one day!
Author's Response:
I'll try my best. Oh and it's just a story, but it's a really smart girl pilot okay.
Author's Response:
I'll try my best. Oh and it's just a story, but it's a really smart girl pilot okay.
[Report This]Date: June 14 2014 6:06 PM Title: Planet Tiny I: Are We Alone?
First of all, allow me to congradulate you on your decision to actually write something. It is a very time-consuming endevour, and requires a lot of guts.
Now down to your story,
Advantages: 1. You have good ideas, meaning you have good imagination. 2. you introduce all the characters at the beggining of the story, kinda like in plays. I like that a lot.
Possible improvement: 1. YOu can put more time into developing your characters, at least the major ones. This way, people will care about them and your story more. 2. avoid using 3$$ etc. to divide your paragraphs/chapters. People get confused by that. 3. Advance your story at a slower, more detailed pace.
Last tip: none of us is perfect here, even the ones who think they are! Keep that in mind, and keep trying.
Author's Response:
Thanks I'll try that.
Author's Response:
Thanks I'll try that.
Author's Response:
Thanks I'll try that.
Date: June 14 2014 2:29 PM Title: Planet Tiny I: Are We Alone?
You need to work on your paragraphing. If you haven't already, you should check out the "Writing Tools" section of Giantess World.
Also, what is this?
a33;a33;a33;a33;a33;a33;a33;a33;
And what is this?
a33;**a33;**a33;**a33;**a33;**a33;
Author's Response:
Sorry I wad doing stars and it went bad also I am still new I stsrted on June 1, 2014.
Author's Response:
Sorry I wad doing stars and it went bad also I am still new I stsrted on June 1, 2014.
[Report This]Date: June 13 2014 11:25 AM Title: Planet Tiny I: Are We Alone?
Thanks for the tip. I've just added chapter 4: with more info. Enjoy.
Date: June 11 2014 12:31 PM Title: Planet Tiny I: Are We Alone?
I'm sorry, the premise is good and caught my attention, but the execution is a mess. You're jumping from one scene to the next within a paragraph. No exploration or discovery. And the characters seem to know what's happening without giving any reason for them to have that knowledge. NASA and the General know what the Villians are doing. The Villians know what the Earthlings are doing and knows everything about Dylan and the threat he represents. Dylan adapts too quickly to these situations. Then we get to women. An entire day goes by without wondering where all the men went, or even finding any shrunken ones?
You basically have crunched more then 4 chapters worth of action within 2 pages. It just seems like you're rushing through the story. There's so much that could be done with this if a little more time and thought were put into it. Keep plugging away at it, and I'm sure you'll improve. You're certainly imaginative.
Author's Response:
Sorry I'm still new to the giantess world.
Author's Response:
Sorry I'm still new to the giantess world.