[Report This]Date: July 17 2025 4:46 PM Title: I Spent the Night with Colossa
It's always nice when a sequel surpasses the original. No shade at the first story (it was excellent), but this one did a superb job of building upon the premise, enhancing the world, and raising the stakes.
The quality of writing here is excellent. Your scene transitions were done particularly well, facilitating a seamless passage of time from event to event. I also loved the descriptive language, per usual. I don't think it's remotely necessary for every simile or metaphor to be unique (quite the contrary), but it's always nice to come across one I haven't seen before. Kudos on the weed whacker comparison, among others.
Dialogue continues to amaze. Maya's mannerisms are adorable and really well-done. I like how the Spanish serves to conceal her vulgarity and even make it somewhat sexy. As an aside, I had a premise for a story called "Latin Fire" with a similar mechanism, but I may scrap it now since I've now seen someone else tackle it so competently. With that said, it's also wonderful seeing someone write romance competently. I wasn't really expecting sex on the first date, but I think it was earned and served as a good way of characterizing Maya as a woman who wears her heart on her sleeve, knows what she wants, and rarely gets enough of it.
The worldbuilding is great. I really wanted to learn more about Colossa's powers and you didn't disappoint. One of the most intriguing parts of superhero premises is not only the powers themselves, but also their limitations and weaknesses. In my opinion, a good superhero skillset should be constructed like a good character: potent, but flawed. Perfect characters and overpowered heroes are really amateurish, even childish, so it's nice to see you've thought about the limitations and the more practical logistical challenges of Colossa's powers. She eats a lot, even at regular size. Most clothes don't grow with her (and I assume those that do are very expensive, hence why they are small and only cover the "essentials"). There is a soft ceiling on her height, though her precise limit and the consequences of surpassing it are left sufficiently vague to suggest she hasn't exhaustively tested it, or at least has enough modesty to not embellish. Admittedly, some of these elements were already present in the first story, but the sequel did a great job building upon them with new details.
Finally, the character work is exceptional. Our narrator receives some nice characterization, but isn't so fleshed-out as to become distracting to the reader. He feels like a real person, but we're not constantly getting bombarded details about his past and beliefs that might conflict with a reader's immersion. If this were a novel-length work, I'd say he needs to be fleshed out more, but for a short story I think he works perfectly as a passive vehicle for the narrative. Maya, as the titular character, deserves and receives much more attention. We can see that she's confident, but also bashful. She's gorgeous and seductive, but in a manner that most ordinary people (men in particular) find intimidating and off-putting. I think this is something that is often lost on size enthusiasts; most people don't want to date someone who can literally crush them under their thumb. Women are generally more receptive to having a partner stronger than themselves, men generally are not.
Fantastic story. I'm not sure if this is a series you intend to continue (personally, I'm satisfied, though I also certainly wouldn't object to more), but this was a great read and a testament to your abilities as a storyteller as well as a writer. I'd be very interested in seeing you take a shot at a longer-length work at some point (I know "The Giant Fairy" is shaping up to be novelette). I made the mistake of starting my writing foray with an epic novel and now I have to spend hours going back and touching up the inferior early chapters that I wrote when I wasn't nearly as practiced (which I will do at some point), but I think your skills are already sufficient if your outlining and planning abilities are up to the task.