[Report This]Date: February 13 2025 4:01 AM Title: The More Things Change
Well that was an interesting read!
Overall, I really enjoyed this. The first chaoter was absolutely perfect, the "unwriting" is a unique premise which truly makes our Goddess feel above all else. The way this ties her in with Oleńka as the one exception also helps to make her power to feel more personal, and more cruel, especially as their relationship goes from "femme fatal baroness and her plucky sidekick" to deeply possessive and toxic(sidenote, I got a chuckle out of relaizing this woman killed untold amounts of people because she wanted to fuck some woman's husband).
Your writing/prose was also superb, your descriptions are evocative without becoming excessive, and it feels like there's a good amount of effort put into showing things from multiple angles(seeing the city destruction from the view of fleeing resident is a good example.) The cruelty is also really appealing, the idea of being forgotten/"nothing" scratches a particular itch for me with this fetish, and this was full of it(as an aside, this was the first side story I read to have an element of cucking? Added a unique flavour i think)
If I had any complaint... it's the second chapter. It was still good, but I felt it introduced too many unique concepts without giving each enough time to breath. Especially the plot twist of Oleńka's history--which while still excellent--felt a bit sudden, with it occurring through a single conversation. I think lengthening the 2nd chapter, or even adding a 3rd could have made things feel more natural, but I'd understand if it wasn't your plan.
Overall thiugh, I really enjoyed this. Definitely something I'm going to be thinking about for a while.
Author's Response:
Heyo, thank you for taking the time to read and review this story!
Thanks for your kind words about the "unwriting" and the goddess's unique powers. It's quite terrifying when you think about it. The other gods didn't even know they were in danger. And yeah, the goddess wiped out a kingdom because a lame experience in bed. Although, she might've destroyed the kingdom outright.
I'm glad to hear the prose was good! I worked extra hard on my descriptors and metaphors for this story. I really tried placing myself in the shoes of the people in the story and described everything I saw.
I see what you're saying about chapter two. Unfortunately, the story was running way, way longer than I intended to, so it might feel a little compact there. I also ran out of juice there, too, haha. Oh, well. I'm glad you enjoyed your time, nonetheless.
[Report This]Date: February 12 2025 7:04 AM Title: Kingdom of Krasomor
Poor Olenka. Gotta admit that plot twist in the second chapter was the best part of the story and made it from a good god story to a great one.
It’s sad that she’s essentially trapped in an endless cycle. and to think she was so close to being one of the 12 and could’ve been a great goddess at that.
Kat is insane and although we don’t know much of her other family members, the fact that she abused her sister (who she claims she loved most) is crazy. However it’s also nice to see that although she has all the power in the world she too is trapped in this cycle bc olenka always figures it out.
Great story and one shot!
Author's Response:
Yuup. Tragic story for both Olenka and Kat. But that's what I love about it. No matter how powerful Kat is, she can't have the one thing she truly wants, which I think is cruel and justified. And she's stuck in an endless cycle kinda makes it like hell, huh?
[Report This]Date: February 12 2025 1:48 AM Title: The More Things Change
Oh no, it made me feel things.
You’ve written an excellent tragedy. Kat is a delightful psychopath, and the situation you’ve trapped them in is truly creative.
One nit I’ll pick is that you introduce the idea of Oleńka finding some enjoyment in destruction, but that thread gets abandoned. Was the purpose just to convey Oleńka ultimately choosing good over evil, despite temptation? I can see that as a useful contrast against Kat, and also as a way to frustrate Kat.
I wanted to see this explored more with Aleksandra, but I suppose it devalues the conclusion if you leave the door open to Oleńka being corrupted in the future. The whole point of the story is that Kat’s goal is unachievable.
The soul vore itself was awesome. I would have liked to spend a little more time with soulless bodies, to emphasize just how devastating losing your soul is. The effect is somewhat minimized when it’s immediately followed by conventional vore. I’m also surprised that Kat didn’t compel Oleńka to eat anyone.
I personally enjoy stolen power as a theme, so I liked that Kat stole the godhood (both from a fetish perspective and a narrative one).
I also liked the imagery of the whole sky changing when Kat got mad at Oleńka.
I wonder if Kat could convince Oleńka by giving her a really terrible life, like child slave bad. Would that make her lose respect for humanity? Or would she redirect her anger at Kat when she inevitably remembers that Kat put her there to begin with?
Great work!
Author's Response:
Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story. I reckon I’ll start at the top, starting with your observation about Oleńka enjoying the destruction she was causing. I explained some of it in the narrative, saying the Oleńka was in a quagmire had to destroy the city per the goddess’s directions. Now, I’m the kinda author that likes readers to draw their own conclusions about stuff like this. You can see this as either Oleńka finding a slither of joy in a horrible assignment, or that the goddess is trying to influence Oleńka in enjoying the destruction. Essentially, making her more like her or seeing other mortals the way the goddess sees them.
You make a fair point that I should’ve described the soul vore more. This one-shot was supposed to be 4K words and ballooned to 17K, haha. The point of the story was the tragedy, and not so much the soul vore. But I get your point and maybe I should’ve devoted more time to that. Oh well. Lesson learned for next time. I’m torn whether Kat should’ve made Oleńka vore someone. It sounds hot … Shit. Was that a missed opportunity? Haha.
Those are some good last questions you have. I did play around with those thoughts. Like giving Oleńka such a shitty life, that upgrading to goddess’s personal companion would’ve been seen like a blessing x100. But no matter, I think Oleńka would’ve reached the same conclusion at the end.
Anyway, thank you again for taking the time to review and pose those questions. Everything you raised up is valid and has me thinking. It’s a one-shot, so I won’t be editing or continuing it, but I loved reading your thoughts on it!
[Report This]Date: February 11 2025 8:50 AM Title: The More Things Change
Holy hell this is a cool story.
The way you play with the concept of memory erasure is so well done, from the more obvious ways, to the big reveal at the end. I love how casually it happens sometimes, like how Daphne simply vanished from the scene, only to be touched on later when 'Aleksandra' mentions it.
At first I figured this was just a fantasy setting, though at quickly became clear what you were setting up. I love this path of alternate history, where an entire, vast world existed before the one we live in, but was completely forgotten by history. You really juiced the memory concept for everything it had, I don't know if anyone else could top this, at least in terms of scale.
Oh, and the prose and descriptions in this story are crazy strong. It's clear that you really put a shit ton of effort into it, and the story is pristine as a result. Personally, I'm usually not one for either growth or the extreme size ranges the first chapter displays, but the level of detail and descriptive flair you give to both features made them extremely compelling for me. Things like the shockwaves of Olenka's footsteps in the air, and the way the ground undulated like mud were incredible. Oh and the way the souls and bodies would be separated, both aware but now incomplete, was super hot, especially when they were swallowed one after the other >:)
And oh man, Olenka. I'm already a huge fan of the 'plucky accomplice to the big's evil schemes' trope, and you not only delivered on that, but blew it out of the water. The slowly unravelling mystery of her situation was really intriguing, and her big fight with Kat at the end was incredibly done. The line where Kat cuts her sister's heart in two was breathtaking for me.
The plot in general is incredible, too. The idea that everything turned out this way because of one violently ambitious woman is so interesting to think about. I can't help but wonder about how things could have turned out differently if Olenka had received the power as intended. What the world would be like, and how Kat's life would have changed.
On the note of the plot, this story was really reminiscent of Sanderson's work for me. Stormlight especially. And as a big fan of the both of you, I mean that in the best of ways. The way the plot slowly unravelled itself, with hints here and there, before the cascading finale really hit me in the same way as his best novels did. Idk if that was intentional or not, but either way, it's fantastic.
I should also mention Katarzyna - whose full name I figured I'd write fully at least once in this review. I love the contrast between her deific ambition, and obsession with her sister. It kinda strikes me like she killed her sister in a moment of weakness, jealous, or desperate for power, and has spent the following thousands of years justifying her decision. Unable or unwilling to confront her own wickedness, and applying endless excuses and patches to hide what I suspect might be shame. She's a super interesting character, and a lot of fun to read. Also I love the idea that she invented hell. She says her hell, so perhaps the other gods have a hell. But it's very funny to think that she's the only one who created one, just because she's a spiteful monster lmao.
I do feel a little bad for the poor sisters, who will presumably spin forever in this painful cycle, where Kat keeps recreating Olenka over and over and over, and Olenka keeps rediscovering her horror each time. I don't know the song referenced at the end, though I'll make sure to give it a listen!
Seriously well done with this story. I'd give it an extra star if I could.
Author's Response:
Yooooo. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story.
Thanks for your comment on the memory stuff. From the start, I always wanted this story to be confusing with the memory wipe stuff. From the statues in the beginning to Daphne disappearing. It sounded like it had the effect I wanted!
Yeah, I love alternate world stuff. All these fake places could’ve existed, but the goddess on her quest to make her sister love her has been wiping the entire world’s memories. It’s similar to your story in which the soap gene in cilantro is a sign someone is secretly a tiny.
Thanks for point out my prose. I spent a crazy amount of time working on my descriptions and metaphors. I really sat down and imagined how everything would play out and wrote it the best I could. Again, thank you for pointing this out in your review, because it was tough writing it, haha.
Olenka is pretty cool, huh? I’m glad she came out as this assistant but ended up being more towards the end with her revelation. Both her and her sister’s stories are just so tragic. But I love Olenka’s attitude towards the end. Even facing the goddess of the universe, she was still defiant.
Thanks for all the comments about the plot. I was telling someone else that this story came to me in a dream. It was so good that I wrote it down on a word document so I wouldn’t lose it. I had the idea while working on Tricia’s Trial in my other story. As soon as I was done with that chapter, I came straight to this story. Sometimes when the plot hits, you just gotta run with it, y’know?
I love, love your comments and observation on Katarzyna. This is exactly what I was going for. Your thoughts on Kat and her ambition of becoming a goddess and what she did to her sister align with what I was thinking. I don’t think Kat will ever admit any guilt or what she did was wrong, and it makes her story with her sister all the more tragic.
Thank you, thank you for reading this story and leaving such an awesome review. I was so excited about finishing the story, I couldn’t wait to share it with everyone!
[Report This]Date: February 10 2025 10:11 PM Title: The More Things Change
Finally found the time to read this!
Here I learned more about how soul vore works and of course my favorite part was the culling for um... reasons. But what makes it interesting for me was how Oleńka feels conflicted in doing it while at the same time she enjoys the power that she's got.
There's just something fascinating about souls being trapped and they've got nothing to do, somehow it can be feels so suffocating just imagining it.
I enjoyed it more than I expected! Nice!
Author's Response:
Thanks, bro! I don't know if I did "soul vore" correctly, but did enjoy imagining and writing this! Glad you liked the culling part. It is interesting what Olenka was feeling there, huh? I'm glad you brought up that detail, because I think there's more to it than what's on the surface--especially considering the ending.
And yeah, it's suffucating having your soul ripped out of your body. I love how the husk is confused and emotionless while the soul is crying out in fear. Thanks for taking the time to write a comment! I'm thrilled to hear you liked it!
[Report This]Date: February 09 2025 1:46 PM Title: The More Things Change
Amazing! Love the usage of souls lol very underused imo. These two have a very fun dynamic.
Author's Response:
Thanks! I agree that "soul" type stories are almost completely absent here. It adds another layer of power aside from size. And yes, those two have a great dynamic, huh?