[Report This]Date: December 24 2024 4:53 PM Title: A Model Too Large
Welcome to the community! I see you've already discovered some of the quirks of the site, most notably the spacing and inability to copy bold/italicized text. Yes, I too made the mistake of writing with Italics and now it takes me like an hour to proof-read and edit a story I've already written. xD I can't really complain, though, since each time I re-read it I find minor things to improve.
You've got a solid start on your writing career here. There's definitely room for improvement, but your fundamentals are solid and your story structure is good, though as you acknowledged the pacing could be improved. Reading this story and the chapter notes feels a lot like reading my own writing (this is meant as a compliment, not an accusation of plagiarism). The giantess descriptions, her personality, etc. are similar. One thing I think this genre sorely lacks is characterization. A lot of people just create a perfect Mary Sue character for wish fulfillment, then make her absurdly huge (and usually evil). As a guy who has had the pleasure of dating some very beautiful women, it's also nice to see someone highlight the downsides of attractiveness. It can make bitter people unsympathetic, jealous people envious, and shallow people more likely to pursue and abuse them. I wish more stories would use this kind of characterization in their stories. Pretty girls struggle, too!
Going over your first story, I think you make good use of your chosen narrative perspective (omniscient third-person) and your writing fundamentals are solid. There is a good variety of diction, the dialogue is plausible, and the spelling and grammar is fine. I can tell from your story's structure and the notes you left that you are using an outline, which is great. This practice will definitely help you save time and keep your writing on track.
There are a few issues I want to highlight as well, just for your own edification. First and foremost: the pacing. This story does a great job writing scenes, but the connections between the scenes are a little too concise. This is a common pitfall of the "architect" style of writing, as I'm guessing you wrote bullet points on an outline and put a lot of thought into those bullet points, but struggled to connect the unwritten stuff between the bullet points. Honestly, this stuff is pretty easy to fill in. Give the character an internal monologue to distract her and the audience as she moves from scene to scene. Or write some imagery, describing the giantess or the environment around her as she moves to the next plot point (literally). You can write about her perspective, the little people's perspective, or even the narrator's objective perspective as the giantess navigates the tiny world around her. This stuff passes time while enhancing the reader's experience.
One other thing I would emphasize is that you should do you research. We're writing fantastical stories about beautiful women growing ginormous and selective breaking the laws of physics, biology, and any number of other natural sciences. Some suspension of disbelief is required. That said, you don't want to strain the reader's belief. Think about what you're writing and consider: "Is this plausible?" Let's take the example of the bridge scene you highlighted. The first thing to consider is whether the giantess has to jump over the bridge at all. We don't get an in-depth description of the bridge (hint: imagery), so in my head I imagined it was a highway overpass (there's no mention of water, so I figured it was a bridge over a road). At 50m tall, a giantess should be able to cross a highway overpass without jumping (make use of the giantess converter tool under this site's "writing tools" and look up the heights of objects). But let's say you want her to jump over a bridge, so it's a real bridge. The next thing to consider is "can a person jump over a bridge too high to swing her legs over in high heels?" Probably not. But there is a simple solution. Take off the heels! She literally just fell over just while walking in them. Alternatively, combine the scenes. Instead of having her fall while walking in her heels, have her fall after jumping over the bridge in her heels. Yes. this will alter the story a bit, but it's important to consider the broader scope of your bullet points and try to weave the story together with them. There are also some little things to research if you're unfamiliar with them. If you're writing a story about a volleyball player, make sure you're familiar with volleyball. If you're writing a story about a cheerleader, make sure you know about cheerleading. In this story, it struck me as kind of odd that a sergeant would be addressing the giantess rather than a lieutenant, captain, or another officer rank, but this probably goes over the heads of most readers.
A final cautionary advice for your future stories since you're venturing outside of the realm of "gentle giantesses." Remember your characterization. Power corrupts people, but it's usually a process that doesn't happen in an afternoon. It's much more believable to have a character start as evil or find herself in exceptional circumstances that push her to her breaking point. I love a good rampage story, but unless you've literally never talked to a woman in your life it kinda strains my belief when an ordinary girl overcomes the initial shock of her growth and immediately starts destroying everything. Lay the groundwork early. Is this a short girl that's been bullied her whole life for her height and resents people for it? Has this person always fantasized about being a giant monster? Is she just cruel or evil? Maybe she's exceptionally horny and just gives in to lust. Maybe a demon or some other nefarious force is influencing her. Maybe she just thinks it's a dream and that her actions don't have real consequences. I love a good destructive giantess, but characters are important, even in short stories.
Anyway, good story! This is a solid start and if you're anything like me, you'll only get better as you go. I started writing a month ago and I feel like my writing has improved immensely from week to week. Don't be afraid to touch up your old stuff, either! It's healthy to revisit your old work from time to time and try to improve it as a creative exercise. I did that with my novel. Good luck and I look forward to seeing more!
Author's Response:
Thank you for your kind words! Regarding the aspect of research, yeah, I didn't really do a lot, despite knowing it would create issues, but in the end I basically rolled with it. I want these stories to be a kind of training, to prepare for something bigger in scale (if I ever find the courage to do that, I have lots of ideas but it's kind of a huge mess, hence why I wanted to go with these first). I'll definitely keep this in mind and make sure to do better next time!
As for your suggestions regarding characterization, I really appreciate it and take it to heart, it will most definitely help for the future! I didn't think about a reason for why a giantess might enjoy destruction and killing, so your suggestion is very helpful! Thank you very much for your review.
PS: Since we're here, I'd like to say I've really enjoyed reading your Tipsy Titaness story these past few weeks. I was actually inspired by your writing for the big project I mentioned earlier, especially your POV switching which I found added a lot to the story. I'm looking forward to reading more of it, I'll definitely leave a review once it's finished!