[Report This]Date: December 15 2024 6:32 PM Title: Chapter 1
This was really good, and I'm glad it scored so high in the contest. I think the betrayal theme was used very effectively, both Alice's intended betrayal on Lucy and how the story winds up panning out. Alice's motivations where really interesting, such a flawed, jealous woman so down on herself she couldn't see the good thing she had in Lucy's friendship.
I like how its both characters' emotions that really drive the story, and not the threat of violence like one would normally expect from this kind of scenario. Neither character ever considers harming the other, but stealing the other's autonomy works as a looming threat throughout the story. I felt really bad for Alice at the end, even though she deserved what was coming to her, and I also sympathized with Lucy, who not only lost what seemed like a solid friendship but any potential of growing close with another rare magic user getting dashed as well. It's crushing in a way I don't often see in size stories. If this were an ongoing story, it would be really satisfying to see where these two go from here and see if their relationship could mend over time, but I understand as a contest entry this is likely a one and done.
Still, great story! Congrats on earning 2nd place with it. Given how many entries there were, that's really impressive!
Author's Response:
Wow, thank you! I really liked your entry as well. I normally have a strict preference for gentle, but I couldn't get that to work with the betrayal theme (although you did great in that regard with your entry). Still no violence here, but it's good to hear you found it crushing all the same.
Yeah, it ended pretty badly for both Lucy and Alice. I guess that's the thing with betrayals—you hurt both parties. I agree that there's potential for a continuation, but I'm not very good at writing anything longer than a chapter lol.