Reviewer: Ryebread9600 Signed [Report This]
Date: November 22 2024 1:04 AM Title: Retrieval and reward

Please continue!

Reviewer: Eternal36 Signed [Report This]
Date: November 21 2024 5:58 AM Title: Out of her hand

Hey, I'm writing this review for constructive criticism, not that I didn't enjoy your story.

I feel like this type of interaction in a story in general needs a stronger development prior to jumping into the more erotica outcome. For your next story, consider writing the build-up longer, introduce your characters, their motivations, their internal monologues, and their relationships.

Then, for the action side of things, suddenly jumping into a quick transition of "and here it is, and then this happened" while quickly crossing to the core of what you're wanting to write, as far as the person reading, it's very jarring. Consider building tension by introducing the mother character, build on what your main character knows of them.

Describe how they look, the in-between details of transporting the plot (i.e. how the mom comes into the room, how she may have spotted or decided to wear the underwear the MC is entrapped in, etc.) so as to build the story in a way that flows better.

Lastly, and this is more a personal preference than a criticism, with these kinds of stories I personally feel they fair better, and read better, when there's longer chapters and details. Short stories are fine, but tapping into making the reader believe the world a bit more, and by writing more "boring" interactions of dialogue and emotional tension, it can lead to a much more satisfying read. 

Overall, hope this criticism finds you well, didn't mind the story and hope you write more in the future!

Author's Response:

Your criticismhas some valid points and I have correspondingly edited the 2nd chapter.

Also if you like detailed world settings and actions, have a look at my other story;

A new era - Stories from different Mikros