Reviewer: DrTritium Signed [Report This]
Date: September 29 2024 6:15 AM Title: Chapter 1

This is a good plot start for a story but I think each couple of paragraphs could be their own stand alone chapters. I'd like to know more about Lia. What is she getting out of this? What does the dominantion feel like? Has she done this before? What about your two protagonists. Do they think she's going to kill them? Do they eventually break? And why is the justice system so willing to bend to Lia? What is the society like that allows for this?

I think this could shape up to be an excellent three chapter story.

Author's Response:

I made the changes you requested. Thanks for the feedback, the story is better now.