[Report This]Date: October 24 2024 3:01 PM Title: Chapter 1: Introduction
First time reviewing a story, but this one really gets to me.
I know that Paul is kind of an idiot for the sake of the story, and that Mary is unaware to most of what's happening around her, but it is seriously infuriating.
From Paul pov, Pam is a monster, she took Paul life away from him so she could have Mary for herself, and is rubbing it in his face. With how he acted before I don't understand why he doesn't directly call her out in front of Mary.
With Mary having just broke up with him, and the prospect of living the rest of his life as her pet and Pam toys, I wouldn't be surprised by a suicide attempt.
You took netorare to the next level, and if that was your goal, I applaud you on your success!!
At any rate, great writing.
Author's Response:
I am humbled that I spurred you into posting a review.
Are you infuriated because the characters I dumbed down Paul and Mary, or because of the story plot?
Paul may call her out in the future (he hasn't thought of that angle yet).
A suicide attempt is something I had not considered, could be interesting (thanks).
I had to look up "netorare" :), yes, I like that aspect of the fantasy, or just basically the loss of control over one's life. But I like plenty of other stories where that does not happen.
Thanks for the review and comments.
[Report This]Date: October 23 2024 10:40 PM Title: Chapter 31: The Conversation
I'd be a hollow shell if I was paul. I hope things work out more for him. Still curious if he will find the spyware on his phone and use it to his advantage. maybe use some free time to see if he can reverse engineer it or something lol
Author's Response:
You know that thought is so obvious now that I read it, but I had not considered before now. :)
So it's possible I might work that into the plot sometime in the future.
Thanks.
Date: October 19 2024 7:49 AM Title: Chapter 1: Introduction
Let's assume that the lab didn't replace the shrinking gene, but duplicated the normal one? What will Paul do if at some point he returns to his previous size for some unknown reason, and at the most inopportune moment he becomes smaller again? :)
Author's Response:
Interesting idea there. I had not considered that. I'm sure the lab would not be happy about it. :) Quality control and all that sort of thing, and it would really mess with their other control participants and possibly the non-control participants. Don't forget they are looking into marketing this as a product for the "normals" that want to be adventurous.
Keep the ideas coming, they might show up some where :)
Thanks!
[Report This]Date: October 16 2024 1:07 AM Title: Chapter 25: Paul? You there?
Love Paul getting his phone back. I bet he can figure out something is wrong with it and start fighting back against pam
[Report This]Date: October 11 2024 6:07 PM Title: Chapter 24: Spinning the Web
All roads lead to Rome. It's a Clever for her to take a two prong approach. I'm hoping Mary doesn't cave and opts against it and it frustrates Pam that all this works been for nothing, but at the same time Im seeing she's planning for that and is trying to make Paul break before his contract is up. If that happens and Mary tells him the truth about everything, I'd be really curious how things would go.
[Report This]Date: October 11 2024 3:16 PM Title: Chapter 1: Introduction
Loving the story so far, will keep watching on to see how it develops.
Date: October 03 2024 4:09 AM Title: Chapter 1: Introduction
Review of what I've seen so far. First, I want to say that I loved the story and all the scenes of interaction between the women and Paul. I loved the plot, I like Pam's idea of playing a prank/revenge against Paul. I find it strange that Paul accepts being a shrinkie without knowing how long he would stay in this state. After all, he works, lives off his income or is on vacation (I thought this was a plot hole, regarding realism.) I liked Pan's idea of playing with Mary and Paul, but I found the reason why Mary was sad with Paul very silly, but in the context of Mary herself playing a prank on Paul precisely by scaring him with the scenario of being a shrinkie. Regarding Pam's way of acting, given what she has already done, I find it very hard to believe that she will actually allow Paul to return to normal. I don't know if she thought this way from the beginning or if she let things get out of control to the point of no return. It seems that she intends to destroy his life, which is almost criminal. Regarding Mary's way of acting, she seemed to be more cruel at first than she is now, possibly because she is seeing Pam overreacting. Regarding the evolution of the story, I think that in the beginning Mary had to live out her fantasies, but considering Paul's feelings, she could even exaggerate and even harm Paul by accident or being encouraged by Pam. Pam, on the other hand, had to destroy Paul's mind little by little until he became subservient: If she really intended to play a prank, she could not exaggerate right away as happened, she should create plausible humiliating situations and could even hurt Paul by accident or even fake one to scare him. If she is a monster and from the beginning she wanted Paul to never return to normal, she should have registered Paul in her name. It would also be good to first destroy Paul's mind and confidence and gradually scare him until he becomes subservient and make Nary join in his humiliation until she can convince her that he should not return to normal. Paul accepted everything very well from the beginning, he didn't really need to be trained or suffer at Pam's hands. One thing I really like about fetish is the transition of a free person's mind to a pet or toy. I didn't notice any resistance from Paul. He quickly became submissive. Well, these were my observations and criticisms: NOTE: Just to leave an idea that I think it could have been interesting to let the shrinkie go hungry until he accepted to submit to the will of women.
Author's Response:
Regarding plot holes.Yeah, I admit it, but most of these stories require a character to be somewhat of an idiot :) Also Paul's pre-shrink life is kind of in stasis. I've considered addressing this, but I'm kind of thinking since he thinks he is a shrinkie, then he has no real connection to his previous life. Friends and acquaintances would treat him as a shrinkie. I've considered an interaction with a male or female friend or acquaintance which would definitely have Paul conclude that that life is over.
Pam started out as just playing a prank on Paul, but she let the power of the situation overwhelm her. This may change. When she registered Paul she was using the whole birthday plot point as a means to her end, plus she truly wanted him to be Mary's gift so she could earn brownie point with her.
Mary is very conflicted, having wanted a shrinkie for so long and now she has Paul. The love connection they had before the shrinking is still there, but since she needs to pretend Paul is a true shrinkie, she gets caught up in the act and now that she might be able to keep him this way...
Paul is "tough" since he is a shrinkie, so Pam obviously has no qualms of inflicting hardship and pain, and Mary knows in her mind that Paul can take it physically, she has concerns about being cruel to Paul as Paul, but as a shrinkie she can see it from Pam's POV as well. Had it been a stranger, I think all 3 of them would have been awful towards the shrinkie, but Pam would be the worst.
I thought of the hunger option, and I played that up just a bit with the cracker. I felt if I let Pam starve him into submission it would kill the opportunity for certain scenarios to play out. This the same reason I scratched some chapters where Pam dictated some rules (you know obey me instantly and so on), but then you rule out a lot of story options.
I'm trying to walk a tightrope regarding Paul's mind. If he becomes a thrall, then the story is kind of over at that point, and is that the fate that I/we want for him?
Thanks for the feedback!
[Report This]Date: October 02 2024 11:00 PM Title: Chapter 23: Dinner and a Game
Wow! You threw a shit ton of chapters at us, and I love it!
Pam is such a despicable character. I knew I wouldn't like her early on, but I'm surprised by just how much I hate her now. To clarify, that's a good thing. Creating a character that can bring out as strong an emotion as I get from Pam, especially in this latest batch of chapters, is an accomplishment! But yeah, the way she's manipulating both Paul and Mary is disgusting, and I continue to hope that she gets hers in the end. I just had to get that out first.
These chapters were all wonderfully agonizing to read. Paul's psychological torment is so much worse than the physical torment he goes through. Pam is slowly trying to strip away who Paul is as a person, and she has convinced Mary that it's all harmless fun! Because of that, he thinks that Mary has given up on him and sees him as just another shrinkee now. I love how that's the thing that really broke him. Despite all of Pam's cruelty, it was Mary dismissing him as a person that stole away all of his hope. It shows how much she really means to him.
One thing I really like so far is that Mary isn't actually getting sucked into the trap of being cruel or thinking less of Paul. The conflict inside her is a really good sign that she's going to come around and realize what's really happening at some point. The question is whether there will be enough of Paul left to salvage by the time that happens.
I also love how a part of her is still enjoying Paul as a shrinkee. The knowledge that he can be turned back human helps make her enjoyment seem innocent rather than dark, and the reality is that she really wanted a shrinkee before this, so it's not weird that she would get a kick out of things like Paul calling her Miss Mary. With the way she reacted to his outburst about the comparison between his situation and the Hanoi Hilton, however, I wonder if she's starting to reconsider the place of shrinkees in society in general now that she's seeing how it's affecting someone she cares about. Either way, I was so happy to see that moment have such an affect on her.
One last thing on Mary. I thought it was awesome that she has moved on from Paul's "betrayal" and that whole conversation Pam orchestrated and she still cares about him. He didn't get his chance to apologize/explain yet (I don't know if he will, at least anytime soon), so it's significant that Pam's plan to make Mary hate or at least stop caring about Paul with that really didn't work. Instead, Mary is still looking out for Paul in little ways, and I don't think Pam is fully aware of this.
Which leads me back to Pam. Not only do I hope her plan blows up in her face, but I think I noticed a couple of signs that it will in this batch of chapters.
First, as I kind of noted above, Pam is significantly underestimating the bond Mary has with Paul. Pam got a hint of this when she had to reiterate that they were "playing" good cop bad cop because Mary was starting to get concerned, but I don't think Pam fully understood Mary's feelings here. I will say it was smart of Pam to manipulate Paul into thinking that playing along for her sake might lead to better treatment from her (I think we all know it won't), but even seeing him actually do that still left Mary a bit conflicted.
Pam was the third wheel the whole time and she never actually realized it. Now she thinks she's got Paul out of the way, but I almost think this is going to backfire and make Mary realize how much she cares for Paul. In fact, based on how I interpreted her in these chapters, I think that's already starting to happen.
Secondly, Pam is waaay too cocky about her abilities. Yeah, she's doing a hell of a job manipulating her roommates, but she's so sure she can make them do anything that she's not considering that her manipulation is making them think things she didn't intend them to think. She's also brushing off signs of this, such as Mary wanting Paul to have a night to himself instead of going along with Pam's idea to make him watch them fuck (Pam was a little surprised but didn't think anything of it).
I feel like Pam is going to drastically overestimate how on board Mary is with something and make a suggestion that's going to expose her. Maybe it's whatever she thinks she can talk Mary into when they fuck (I do like that Pam let her win that Monopoly game for manipulation purposes, by the way; this seemed like a good place to sneak this comment in).
For example, if Pam is going to suggest that they don't let Paul grow back, I would be shocked if May agreed and would actually assume she'd be appalled that Pam would even think that's okay. But even if Pam can somehow convince Mary that this isn't a bad thing, I don't think Mary would stick with the idea in the long term. And if this isn't the what Pam is going to suggest yet, I still think she's going to overstep and screw herself over with Mary at some point. Given how much it hurt Mary when Paul "manipulated" her, I can't imagine how she'll react if/when she finds out that Pam, who, again, I'm pretty sure she doesn't care about nearly as much, was actually manipulating her and for a far more nefarious purpose.
So yeah, these chapters were all great additions to the story, and they're building anticipation for what may be coming next. Like I said before, I feel like Mary is going to look out for and save Paul in the end, but that's far from a given at this point, and not knowing for sure not only hooks the reader all the more, but it'll make the moment when Mary realizes the truth and turns on Pam all the more satisfying, if the story goes that way.
Author's Response:
Check GiantessCity for a PM.
[Report This]Date: October 02 2024 5:37 AM Title: Chapter 23: Dinner and a Game
Feel bad for Paul. He's got so much working against him and is already cracking.
Only hope is that even through all of this is that Mary still cares. And if that's the case, I look forward to how it blows up in pams face and Mary still picks Paul, or how mary finds out Pam's been pulling the strings and gets her revenge
Can't wait for more
[Report This]Date: September 29 2024 1:39 AM Title: Chapter 1: Introduction
I hate that there's no edit feature for these reviews! Oh well, here, have 10 more stars (or five, or whatever the fuck perfect is on this site's system!) for good measure. I'd say you deserve it with this story.
Anyway, I saw that you're posting this story on Giantess City as well, so I left you a PM there. So you can disregard that question at the end of my last review. Sorry about the confusion!
[Report This]Date: September 28 2024 6:58 AM Title: Chapter 18: Fallout
Damn, shit got intense real quick!
Also, I feel fully validated about calling out Pam for trying to get Paul out of the way and for just generally being a terrible person. I think the reason her plan didn't work as quickly as she thought it would is that she doesn't realize that she really has been the third wheel this whole time and that Mary's bond with Paul was pretty strong, hence why this is bothering Mary so much.
We see that even at the start of the last chapter, when Mary asks if Paul said anything about her. She doesn't want Paul to have just been using her (which, of course, we know he wasn't). That's why she wasn't in the mood when Pam made her move. Pam blames Paul (another manipulation), but I don't think she realizes just how much it's actually her fault that Mary isn't up for sex in that moment.
The irony of Mary being pissed at Paul for "manipulating" her when Pam is very much actually manipulating her isn't lost on me, either.
I will say that Pam does come off as a master at manipulation here. She actually seems to have Paul convinced that he's the one that fucked up, despite Pam pretty much guiding him to that false admission. He's so worried about how Mary feels about him now that he's not even properly pissed at Pam for what she did. And Pam is pushing all the right buttons to keep the wound fresh for Mary.
But fuck, Pam is a vindictive one. I'm not sure how much of this is because Paul always made fun of how short she was and how much is because of the jealousy she has about Paul's relationship with Mary, but she's out for fucking blood! Maybe literally as this goes on.
But lastly, I just wanted to comment on how much potential these last two chapters have given to the story. This could go down exactly the way I initially thought it would but with a more in-depth psychological element. These new chapters could also be setting up a truly satisfying ending, laying the groundwork for the hard times that could make a happier ending feel earned. Or anywhere in between those two extremes. The fact that you found inspiration in our suggestions yet are still able to mask which way you're going to eventually go is pretty impressive, honestly.
Also, I tried to reach out to you through the site email system, but it keeps giving me the error message. is there a good way to contact you? I had a few thoughts I wanted to run by you.
[Report This]Date: September 28 2024 4:31 AM Title: Chapter 18: Fallout
Pam manipulating both of them was an unexpected twist! I could totally see her convincing Mary that Paul shouldn't be grown back and he's better as a shrinkie at this point. Love the story so far!
[Report This]Date: September 27 2024 6:56 AM Title: Chapter 18: Fallout
Good chapters. I think it these both leave a lot of room for the story, like will Pam win over Mary, what happens to Paul and Mary if she doesn't, what if Mary forgives Paul and keeps doing it, what if Mary finds out pam tricked her, could Mary trick pam in the future and get her shrunk as revenge. Lot of possibilities and very well written imo
Author's Response:
Thanks for the feedback. I'm trying to keep the options for the story open for as long as I can. The ones you mention are all possibilities.
On a side note, to those interested, I started to have Pam dictate some rules for Paul (wrote a chapter about it), then realized that this ham-stringed me quite a bit, severely restricting how all the characters would act after that.
Date: September 24 2024 3:58 AM Title: Chapter 1: Introduction
Maybe after a little teasing and training from Pam and love from Mary, Paul may end up wanting to stay a shrinkie. I think Pam isn't a bad person. She's tougher, but after a bit of revenge, she can be a bit gentler. Then she could really train him to be their plaything, but in the right way. Pam and Mary could end up as a couple with the loving little shrinkie and a 3-way scene would be incredible. The roles of good cop, bad cop is interesting but with more love.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the reply. Please look at my reply to "It Was Me" (just a bit below here), it is meant for everyone that has replied.
Date: September 24 2024 12:44 AM Title: Chapter 16: Birthday Fun
I don't think the physical abuse should be that bad. These two girls were his girlfriends previously.
I think Paul should be a Shrinkie until his time is up as the test control. This could be whatever time period makes sense.
As far as the story goes. Seems like things are going well with Mary.
Pam still wants to "train" him. So she should have fun with that of course.
Seems like he will be living two different lives night to night with these two.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the reply. Please look at my reply to "It Was Me" (just below here), it is meant for everyone that has replied.
[Report This]Date: September 24 2024 12:38 AM Title: Chapter 16: Birthday Fun
Okay, so I'm going to start with my personal preference and then throw a bunch of scenarios at you in the hope that maybe one of them will get your imagination going.
But first, let me preface this by saying that I'm a happy endings guy, mostly. I'm actually really excited to see that there are some happier options for Paul still on the table, as I was convinced that this was going to go the route of Pam corrupting Mary and that the latter's act would become less and less of an act until Paul was a forever shrinkee.
I don't mind cruelty in these stories, but I like for it to build to something, and that scenario, at least in my view, would be cruelty for cruelty's sake. So I was starting to think that this story (which is very well written and fun so far, by the way) may not be for me. And if that's the way this goes, there are people who are into that, and they deserve to have stories that deliver that for them. But now that I know that's not set in stone, my excitement for this story is renewed, and you did ask for ideas, so here they are!
All that being said, I may be the only person reading this that wants Paul to get his size back eventually. I also like his chemistry with Mary (especially in this latest chapter), so I think those two elements put me in the "Paul is restored and lives his life with one or more of his roommates" category.
Personally, I'd like to see Pam get some comeuppance as well. Maybe it's as simple as full-sized Paul and Mary going exclusive and cutting ties with Pam. Or perhaps Paul and Pam switch size roles, whether that leads to some giant couple stuff (not sure how you feel about that) or Mary having her own personal toy who (at least at the moment) seems to actually deserve her fate.
But if Paul is destined to remain tiny, I definitely want him to be with someone who treats him kindly. I think it would be interesting if Mary catches on to Pam trying to manipulate her into keeping Paul as a shrinkee forever (if that's what she's actually doing; I could be wrong about that) and ends up leaving her to stay with shrinkee Paul, treating him like a real person now that she knows this isn't a game. Or maybe Paul and Pam both end up stuck as shrinkees, and Paul gets human treatment while Pam is stuck being the couple's pet, even though she's the same size as Paul.
Or maybe Paul and Pam both end up tiny, Paul and Pam make up, and the trio resume their initial relationship with Pam being the only big one.
I don't know, I really like that idea of Mary drifting deeper toward Pam's view on things, Pam thinking she has her lover right where she wants her, and Mary flipping hard the other way when she finds out that Pam isn't going to let Paul change back. I think Mary has a lot of potential both for gentler things and for getting into the role of owner (with the belief that this is temporary fueling her to do things she normally wouldn't do).
Honestly, I think the option for Paul to be treated like a shrinkee forever is the most boring of the options listed, but that could just be my happy-ending bias talking, so I guess take that into account?
Well, there's my two cents on where the story could go. But I just wanted to reiterate that I've really liked the story the story so far (even if I didn't like where I thought it was going to go) and that you've created three really engaging characters here that I have strong feelings about, which is never easy to do. I spent so much time with the options thing that I wanted to make sure I got that out there at least.
In any case, good luck! I hope inspiration strikes you soon!
Author's Response:
That was one heck of a response. Thank you. BTW, I am enjoying your "Roomies" story very much.
I'm going to reference my reply here to the others that left feedback, so as not to be redundant.
The ideas everyone has given me helped me decide where I want this to go eventually. In hopes of keeping a little suspense, I won't say now just what that will be, but at some point it will probably be obvious. I'll try to keep the outcome iffy for as long as I can.
I like happy endings as well, but disastrous is fun too :)
I'd like to say more, but I think it would spoil things.
I'll have one or 2 more chapters up soon.
[Report This]Date: September 23 2024 9:17 PM Title: Chapter 16: Birthday Fun
- Paul remains a shrinkie but someone treats him kindly
This seems to be the better option imo. Like I have 0 doubts that after a period of time Pam or Mary will change their mind about growing him back, but at least Mary seems the type to be guilty. Plus Paul staying shrunk and being treated cruelly just seems too obvious to me lol
Another idea would be for pan to get shrunk and end up being shorter than Paul in the end lol I like the karma and going back to square 1 type of thing.
Love the story either way
Author's Response:
Thanks for the reply. Please look at my reply to "It Was Me" (just above here), it is meant for everyone that has replied.
[Report This]Date: September 23 2024 7:31 PM Title: Chapter 16: Birthday Fun
I would prefer the ‘Paul remains a shrinkie but someone treats him kindly’ option. I think its the most conducive to new chapter ideas, and is overall the most preferable option in my opinion
Author's Response:
Thanks for the reply. Please look at my reply to "It Was Me" (just a bit above here), it is meant for everyone that has replied.
Date: September 19 2024 7:25 PM Title: Chapter 1: Introduction
The best ongoing story in the bord in long time
[Report This]Date: September 19 2024 7:41 AM Title: Chapter 14: Bath Time
I’m liking this story a lot, and am really looking forward to some sexy but gentle moments in the future. However, I did have a few questions about Pam because she is kind of confusing to me. Given that she ‘lied’ to Paul, how do we know if she didn’t also lie to Mary. Does a cure actually exist? And furthermore, does Pam even like Paul? Because throughout these chapters, nothing really makes it seem like she actually likes him despite being in a throuple with him for this long. I just wished she was a bit more affectionate towards Paul, in spite of her annoyance at being teased. But regardless, I’m still looking forward to more great chapters though!
Author's Response:
Read carefully, Pam did not lie.
Yes, it is reversible (Leslie confirms that, as does Pam when she tells Mary).
Pam is scary, she "liked" Paul, until (in her mind) he pushed her too far. She may still "like" him but her sense of justice is way out there. (I'm still trying to figure out just how she will view him in the end).
Prior to the shrinking, Pam wanted to be exclusive with Mary, but having Paul around was still fun (the friends with benefits part) and she enjoyed his company up until she didn't :)