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Reviewer: Surabu Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 12 2024 1:20 AM Title: Weight of the world

I'm looking forward to the next chapters :)



Author's Response:

Thanks!

Reviewer: D W Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: January 03 2024 2:47 AM Title: Complaint

Nice!  Very nicely done.  Not sure if you made a grammatical mistake or if the terms "thong" and "tongue" were purposely exchanged as part of the story plot.  Regardless, very well done {you must be good at chess markmueller}.

Would be nice if Rachel puts Chris back in her thong for a while, or at least during Rachel and Ivy's love making.  Removing him the next day covered in ass sweet and butt odor.

As much as I love female butt-hole stories, it seems Chris might be more of an insole for either Ivy or Rachel's shoes, perhaps both, or a living dildo.

You have a terrific story line going on here, though you still have some grammatical issues that are a bit confusing.  If you would like, I could proof read your story lines for you.  Let me know if you'd like me to.



Author's Response:

Thanks for your kind words.

Would be glad if you coulod help out :)

Reviewer: D W Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 02 2024 4:23 AM Title: Donut

This is a really great story; but full of grammatical errors that ever so slightly make it difficult to follow along {e.g. "Rachel's thong digs for me..." followed by "... I'm dug out by the tongue like a cherry."  Is it "thong" or "tongue"?}, though nothing too bad.

Sitting on and squishing food items is a pretty common fetish, just look up cake sitting or Twinkies sitting.  There are a lot of videos of women sitting on pastries, as a girl's ass and a cake / pie / pastry are pretty much one in the same, or at least a delightful combination.  So that part of your story is probably relatable to most of us readers.

Chris being only 4 inches tall and serving Ivy's ass in fetish clips is a fantastic way of showcasing the size fetish aspect of their relationship.  Four inches is nice, yet three inches might be better for size comparison purposes {who better to sit on top a donut, a 4" tall person or a 3" tall one?}.  Just something to consider.

Really love that Ivy and Rachel are lesbians, and that Chris is nothing to them romantically.  Nice touch.

Hope to read more of this story; but please do a proof read and clean up the grammatical errors.





Author's Response:

Thanks for the input, adjusted the thong in chapter 1 and broke the 4.th wall in chapter 3.

Hope you like it and will work on my grammar.:)

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