[Report This]Date: November 19 2023 12:54 PM Title: Silver Forest - Part 1
This seems like a really good start so far, thank you for writing it! I've generally been a big fan of full dive VRMMO-type settings as I think it's a great way to bridge fantasy with reality. I also really like some of the descriptions, as you do a good job of painting a pretty vivid image of what things are like while not being overly verbose. I think it seems like an interesting setting and I'll be really curious where it goes!
One piece of constructive criticism is that the perspective that the story is told is shifted over the course of the chapter; "You, the 23 year old game developer" versus "I ended up using a tiny chunk of a pebble". It generally felt like it should be in first person due to how some of the narration went, and felt like it could've been written that way and then rewritten to second person later. Either way, not a huge deal and something to consider for next time. I'll be looking out for the next chapter!
-Jess