Reviewer: Wolfen Shadow Signed [Report This]
Date: October 22 2023 11:03 AM Title: Chapter 1

I liked it for the most part, but for future reference, I would highly recommend toning down the alliteration. It has its place in writing, but when seemingly every other sentence uses it, it starts to become a little off-putting to the point of sounding quite silly rather than sexy (e.g. "blasted balloons of big beef booty back..." or "Splurts and sprays of spunky semen splattered...").

I enjoyed the setting, but the story would be a lot better if you just wrote naturally.