[Report This]Date: June 24 2022 9:21 AM Title: Malon Aware
"Finally, when she was about to give up marion saw her magnifying glass she uses to take ticks off her animals" Who is "marion"? :P
" "Hello there oh great giant, we've come to you to ask a question: What did we do to make you angry?"
"These are dark times, marion." There is this unknown person again...
"I've come here numerous times to pray and take care of Link."
" "Is there anything I can do" marion asks" I know the joke is wearing thin but why "marion"? Not even capitalized...
"Now tell young man, how did your village get destroyed by a flood of milk?"
I didn't expect a Town built inside of a Coin, but that's a great idea of nothing else.
[Report This]Date: June 23 2022 3:22 PM Title: Unaware Malon
"Our story begins with one of these villages and one minsh called Mike."
"At night Malon would either use her time to brush the horses or read one of wonderful her books."
"Meanwhile in the minish world Mike was sweeping the rugs when Barry came walking in."
"Barry told Mike as he helped him down."
"Mike said folding his ladder and carrying it."
" "Can I stay with you?" he asks Mike teary-eyed."
You have quite a number of spelling mistakes (I didn't point out nearly all of the sentences you ended without a point.) but I like the set-up.
Not sure how the second Chapter "Malon Aware" will work at their immense difference in scale, but I will find out tomorrow. If wishes are allowed I would like interactions with regular Minish or Fairies to get a better feel about how incredibly tiny the Mico Minsh really are.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your feedback! I didn’t write this as it was a commission but I will surely think about this if I commission more.