[Report This]Date: May 19 2022 4:03 PM Title: Epilogue
Author's Response:
Thanks for the five stars! It means a lot!
Date: May 11 2022 9:47 PM Title: Epilogue
So I wanted to elaborate on my previous review and reply to some of the others reviewing. I didnt mean to imply that hinba wasnt cruel the whole time or that she was decieving tom when she ate him. To me what happend at the end was that their Pred/ prey relationship ended with her eating him, and when he wakes up it will be the start of a new kind of relationship. Given that Hinba is a high class incredibly powerful and selfish deomoness him surviving the deal is a huge win. Its like a 100-1 boxer pulling off a draw. Yes he had to submit to her and forfiet his agency, but as a gts fan maybe thats something I'd want so its purely positive to me lol. I dont think their new relationship will neccesarily be all roses at first, but I think Tom is interesting enough to her especially with her decision at the end to maybe let him rest instead of tormenting im with a fake afterlife, that they may grow out of this lopsided potentially abusive relationship into one that they both truely enjoy. I will clarify I am always an optimist, but i can appreciate tragic storys as well. If i didnt have a gts fetish I guess id see the ending as a phrrhic victory. So there is some bias in that I'd love to be in tom's position and dominated by hinba so there's that lol. Anyways loved the characters, the dynamic, the tension, and the clever ending. Hope to see what's next soon even if its more tragic and brutal than I'd hope for.
Author's Response:
Hmm "pyrrhic victory" is good. Yeah, I like that description.
And yes this is definitely an abusive relationship… If your giantess ever treats you like this, please seek help from the Gentle Giantess Propaganda Agency (GGPA™). They have safeguards in place to prevent such treatment… or something.
[Report This]Date: May 11 2022 3:30 AM Title: Epilogue
I wrote about having a hard time getting a read on Hinba earlier, but it seems I really was overthinking it. She really is just a manipulative, sadistic demon who eats people (out of necessity, I guess?) It really did feel like there was a chance that she was lying about her intentions, or all her actions were in service of something greater than herself, or that maybe she wasn’t really going to kill Tom because it was all a grand lie. Nope, she’s pretty much what’s advertised on the box. Disappointing in my opinion, not because it was poorly written (it wasn’t), but simply because of my own personal preferences in these types of stories.
I didn’t quite buy the attempts to make Hinba seem more sympathetic, mostly found in the epilogue but also sprinkled throughout the story. The occasional moments where she showed softness and sincerity seemed written to persuade the reader that she might not be quite as bad as she usually appears, but I just wasn’t sold. By the end, she still mostly comes off as pretty fucking cruel to me.
I can’t believe Tom spent his 5 years working his ass off, both at his actual job and desperately trying to discover more about Hinba and her world. My interpretation was that he spent his time in the hidden room trying to either find a way out of his situation or a way to make himself useful to Hinba. What a waste to spend what were almost certainly the last years of his life like that. I assume that was a collar he offered her at the end, right? To show he’d be her pet. Although it was described as a small envelope, which wouldn’t fit one, so I may be misunderstanding.
Honestly, I feel like Tom should have used the bullet. Time and time again it’s been shown that winning against Hinba is practically impossible. Even this “triumph” at the end is really stretching the definition of that word. I understand he has a very strong will to live and the confidence to think he can find a way out of the situation. However, he’s gotta know that Hinba can make his life significantly worse than what he’s been through, which is saying a lot. The naga even warned him. He should have made his exit at the end of his five years. Can’t say the man lacks in hubris.
I hope nothing in this review comes off as harsh. I enjoyed this story a lot and will happily read whatever it is you write next, regardless if it's a continuation of this or something else entirely. This was a great first story.
Author's Response:
So I can’t comment on the bullet or the ring because those are purposely left up to interpretation. I know how I interpret them but don’t want to say because I don’t want there to be a “cannon” on what they mean. The thing about your review that really stuck out to me was your hesitancy to call the ending a “triumph.” Like it “feels” like a happy ending but there’s still this bittersweet tinge to it. Attributing that to the ambiguity of Tom’s fate appears to be the norm (at least based on the reviews) but you also touch on the other half.
I’m going to paraphrase you a little bit to make my point, so if it feels like I’m straw manning you, please bear with me.
You feel “disappointed” with Hinba’s character because surprisingly one note. This is a huge part of the narrative that I’m really happy someone pointed out. Both characters have a singular goal that drives them, but they also have one main flaw. The goals are easy to spot right? Hinba wants to eat Tom and Tom wants to live. Tom’s main flaw is his fear where it often clouds his judgment and actually causes him to make the wrong decision. In the end Tom IS alive, but not from his own efforts. As a character, Tom actually failed in his goal the moment he agreed to Hinba in the finale, and he failed so completely because of his fear.
So why is he still alive? Well, because Hinba failed in her goal as well. Her “flaw” isn’t that she’s evil because that’s just who she is, right? We know she lies, sometimes it almost seems transparent. We know she likes to torment Tom. Her being evil actually helps her get to the final stage where she is within a moment of getting everything she ever wanted. Her flaw is her indecisiveness. It’s why she seems uncaring about her missing villagers and why the sparse “gentle” moments with Tom seem so disingenuous. We “feel” like the ending is a win for Tom only because it’s a loss of Hinba but Hinba only “lost” because she’s just so very… flippant.
So does this work as an ending? I can’t answer that because I’m not allowed a vote, lol, so I genuinely have to ask. Is it satisfying? What would you have wanted to see different? Please let me know because I genuinely love to hear from y’all.
[Report This]Date: May 09 2022 9:55 AM Title: Epilogue
Now, I've been a silent reader for many years, but I had to create an account to share my appreciation for your writing, and this story.
As has been said by others, I have truly never experienced a read quite like this one.
The sheer ability to allow full immersion, fully understand and comprehend what you've written, while also being able to experience it completely uniquely.
I am sorry, I'm not too great with words, but please, I cannot, and I mean cannot wait for any further pieces you are making. Consider me sold, you're my favourite.
Author's Response:
I love to hear that. It’s still a very NEW experience to be someone’s favourite. I am working on a continuation but I am a painfully slow writer and even slower at editing. Hopefully as my work starts to slow down I’ll be able to put more time into writing about the Rescue Mission.
[Report This]Date: May 09 2022 4:26 AM Title: Epilogue
"Why don't we wait here, see what happens?"
Thus spoke the ending lines of John Carpenter's "The Thing", which concluded on a vaguely triumphant note, with much speculation and ambiguity dominating it.
And that's the ending to your story. Tom, in a way, has triumphed, in that he has defied destiny, but his fate to Himba is ambiguous. Truly, what does being her pet really entail? Has she really grown fond of him, perhaps one day, seeing him as a worthy pursuit more than simple amusement? Or is he truly condemned to a demon, who will subject him to everlasting torment since he did best her?
I wonder, if there were to be a continuation/sequel, Tom would start out as an eternal plaything, then Himba gradually warms up, not necessarily seeing him as an equal, but someone to genuinely have affection for. That's at least, how I would play it, but that's because I like happy endings and benevolent relationships.
Author's Response:
I love people that love the gentle side. I was always more on the cruel side myself, but reading some of the incredible talent on the other side of the fence really woke some of that up for me. In the end I really wanted to do something that blended two opposites. It's gentle AND cruel, it's willing and unwilling. They both have moments where they feel like they have the upper hand over the other just to have it swing back again a moment later. I'm really grateful to read reviews that validate that initial goal. As for a continuation.... I sure think there's more to tell.
[Report This]Date: May 09 2022 3:03 AM Title: Epilogue
There's a lot of mystery and ambiguity to the ending of this one, the only thing I can say for sure is that our protagonist got something close to the ending he wanted. Of the rest of it I can't come to any firm conclusions, to leave the ending open like this and also leave it satisfying is a difficult thing to pull off. Hope to see more from you, whether it's a return to this setting or something new.
Author's Response:
Thank you again for the kinds words!!! For the ending, I have to give a little credit to "A charmed life" by CoalWhite. Not trying to spoil anything but he did an amazing job of balancing a cathartic ending while still leaving so much up in the air. I wanted something in the same vain, but I never really thought of this story as ever being part of a larger narrative EVEN WHEN I left so much undone. I was already finished typing the whole thing before I even started to wonder what a continuation would look like... But yeah, "Our duo will return..."
[Report This]Date: May 08 2022 9:37 PM Title: Epilogue
Such a sweet ending I wouldn't have had it any other way. Ultimately she made him submit to her, but she fell for him as well and had mercy in the end.
Amazing how over the 5 years Tom had rather than trying to live out every life's fantasy, he dedicated himself to finding out more about her and her village, and decided he wanted to be with her even though he gave himself a way out.
Ultimately the bullet he left was itself a message to her, to show he had outwitted her and committed himself anyways.
I hope she can help him heal his skin a bit with her magic. I think they will have a long and happy life together now.
Its been a long time since a story on here effected me so much in this way and I can't wait for the duo to return.
Author's Response:
So I'm not an author, at least not in the "I'm good at this" kinda way, but one interesting thing to see is when a reader has a different interpretation. I'm not saying you're wrong in ANY SENSE but it's this weird realization for me personally to know that I am only responsible for the words themselves. Like I know the idea I had when I wrote them but to see someone come up with something else is deeply cathartic. I really do mean it because one thing that my Wife was telling me was to avoid "hand-holding" the reader too much because it leads to stale writing. it was my goal to leave certain elements up to interpretation and I feel vindicated. Thank you, kind sir.
Date: May 08 2022 2:29 AM Title: Chapter 1 The Chase
Alright, going to offer some critiques since you asked for them.
Disclaimer: I'm trying to make objective criticisms but some of what I say may be my own stylistic biases speaking.
In general, the problem that pops out most to me is how poorly your ideas flow into each other, mainly because of poorly-structured sentences and paragraphs. I know this is a vague, so let me give some examples.
>Shooting upright, he believed
>Scanning his surroundings, he was perched atop
Here you use a sentence structure which goes "[A]ing [B], [C] [D]ed", in which A and D are verbs, B is an adverb, and C is the subject performing both A and D.
When using this structure, "[C] [D]ed" is supposed to be something that directly follows from "[A]ing [B]", not only chronologicaly, but also logically or causally.
"Moving quickly, he pounced." "Looking back, they saw." "Shrugging it off, she spoke." These are all examples of this structure in which the second action logically follows from the first.
In your sentences, "he believed" does not logically follow from "Shooting upright", nor does "he was perched" follow from "Scanning his surroundings". This could be fixed by changing the second actions to something that does follow from the first. For instance, "Shooting upright, he looked around," and "Scanning his surroundings, he saw that he was perched"
Another approach that would work for the first case would be to switch the position of the actions within the structure of the sentence. "Believing it was an earthquake, he shot upright," or "He shot upright, believing it was an earthquake," both work because shooting upright does logically follow from thinking there's an earthquake going on.
(Incidentally, I would have used "thought" instead of "believed" in this sentence. Thinking is a more immediate, short-term action, while believing usually involves more careful consideration of the available information, so thinking works better as a term for a snap judgement like this.)
>Tapping the home button, it stuttered to life
Here you used the same sentence structure again. This time the two actions do follow from each other, but there is another problem: [A] and [D] are both supposed to be actions which are carried out by [C], but in this sentence they're carried out by two different subjects. You have Tom tapping the home button, and then "it" (the phone) stuttering to life, but because of your misuse of this structure, the implication is that the phone is performing both actions. It would work better as something like "Tom tapped the home button and the phone stuttered to life."
>Another brief quake. Were they getting stronger? He was still wearing his sweatpants from the day before with his running shoes and loose fitting jacket with a long sleeve shirt below.
Here the first two sentences follow from each other, but the third doesn't follow from either of the previous ones. In fact, it marks a complete break from the line of thought of the other two sentences because the clothes he's wearing don't have anything to do with the earthquakes
If you want these exact sentences to be in this exact order, you should at least put a line break between the second and third one to make the first two sentences their own little paragraph. The third sentence should be the start of a new paragraph.
>He brought his hand to mouth to chew on his knuckle. “Did I even make it home last night?” The sky was still dark but heavily obscured by the foliage overhead.
Same problem here. The last sentence starts a completely different line of thought from the one that came before, so it should also be the start of a new paragraph.
>The coarse surface left deep creases in the wooden structure beneath him.
Unless I'm missing something, the coarse surface and the wooden structure are one and the same thing (the giant root), so you're essentially saying that the coarse surface left deep creases on itself, but the creases were already there, they weren't left there by anything. It should simply say "Deep creases ran through the [coarse surface/wooden structure (choose one)] beneath him."
There's a bunch of other sentences or paragraphs I could point to, but I think that's enough examples for now. Basically, you just need to learn how to better structure your thoughts into sentences and paragraphs.
Another general observation is you could really stand to trim down your wordcount by a lot. It would really help make your writing more impactful, I think. Taking the first sentence as an example, and without doing anything too fancy to it, I would have written it as "The ground shook violently below Tom." Besides making it more concise, "The ground shook" is also a stronger start to a story than "Tom felt". "Tom felt" jumped out to me as a really weak opening from the moment I read it.
For one more quick example, you wrote "Tom silently hoped", but "silently" is unnecessary since hoping is already a mental, and thus silent, activity.
Regarding the story itself, I didn't see much to complain about. There's just one thing that felt off as I was reading this first chapter, which is when the giantess said, "I swear you are by far one of the most interesting humans I have ever met." It just doesn't feel like Tom did enough to be seen as all that interesting.
Anyways, that's all I care to say for now. Hope this doesn't discourage you and you go on to improve your writing.
[Report This]Date: May 07 2022 5:04 PM Title: Chapter 6 Tom Alone
Wow this is just getting better and better. You have me right where you want me as a reader. Much like Hinba with Tom.
The suspense is killing me, the two of them have such good chemistry together it would be so painfull if she ended up eating him at the end despite all of the adventures they are going through and how the two of them are exploring their feelings through her powers.
When it comes to the stone, if I was Tom I would be tempted, but its not like I've been properly trained on how to use it. The best thing will probably be to just come clean to Hinba and hope she appreciates it.
Staying on her good side seems like the only course of action.
Its interesting, too that the naga broached the subject of life as a pet. Maybe she's seen Hinba do that before. Maybe she thinks I'll of Hinba for something she's seen her do before. Personally before she said that I was thinking that's Tom's third and best hope beyond being eaten alive, or having his soul consumed. Spending time with a powerful beauty like Hinba would be amazing for anyone reading this story I'm sure, and maybe she can be nice as long as he's a good boy.
It would make her seem incredibly ruthless if she's able to get to know him so intimately through her powers and just eat him after that. Maybe that makes his soul feed her more though, we just dont know what her demon kind are really capable of.
[Report This]Date: May 07 2022 2:59 PM Title: Chapter 6 Tom Alone
This is an interesting story that is somehow balanced in between the knife's edge of gentle and cruel. You pull it off spectacularly. Himba is hard to get a read on, yet this is not due to plot or personality contradictions, but because you have the reader quite aware that she's hiding parts of her intentions, or straight up lying. Of course, this does make her a rather frustrating character (in a good way) since she doesn't like it when Tom tries deceiving her.
And speaking of Tom, he's the reason why this entire story works. The tiny character in these size stories is the one that usually has the ball dropped on them, even in some of the better written stories. Tom is investigative, noticing small details. He's cool, even snarky under pressure, and from the katana scene, he has no problems taking his own life if it grants him a strategic victory. On the other hand, he's only human, and there are times where his frustration at his hopeless situation clouds his judgement. He is a complete character that's easy to root for, which makes this story all more engaging, no matter if Tom triumphs in a way, or Himba gets her meal in the end.
Overall, writing and characterization are top-notch. Only makes me wanting more.
Author's Response:
Holy cow, thank you so much! Yeah I had the same gripe about the tiny role as well. I really went into the venture wanting to make him something more than a blank slate beta that the reader could just self-insert. Balancing gentle and cruel, willing and unwilling were also huge inspirations. You gotta tell me what you think once you've read the whole thing,
[Report This]Date: May 07 2022 5:32 AM Title: Chapter 6 Tom Alone
I'm having a difficult time getting any sort of read on Hinba. Well, that's not quite true, since the correct read might be the straightforward one: she really is just a sadistic, cruel demon who wants to eat Tom's soul (whatever that actually entails).
I'm really, really hoping that's not the case, however. There have been hints that there's more then meets the eye regarding her. I'm not saying she's gonna end up being some great person, but there's still a chance that she might not be the monster she appears to be. It would be nice to see Tom get, if not a happy ending, at least an ending that's not awful.
Tom should probably be deeply suspicious of the stone he just got. Almost every single attempt at deception or manipulation has ended terribly for him so far, you'd think he'd learn his lesson at some point.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review. Hopefully you enjoyed the ending. I'm not going to spoil anything if you haven't got a chance to see it, but I would love to hear your thought after having the "full picture."
[Report This]Date: May 06 2022 4:07 AM Title: Chapter 5 The Desert and the Oasis
Interesting story, personally I get the vibe that Hinba's intentions are more... well maybe not noble, but at least more reasonable than they appear, looking forward to seeing how the relationship between the protagonists develops and hoping to see more of the world you've created. The story hook is definitely pretty good!
Author's Response:
Ok first off. You're the honest to god reason I even wrote this thing. The first conquest of earth trilogy (or arc? I'm not sure what you'd call them) had me in such a good mood for literally weeks after reading it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and review it. You have no idea how absolutely delighted that makes me. I won't spoil anything if you have yet to catch the rest.
[Report This]Date: May 05 2022 11:45 PM Title: Chapter 4 Crimes
I must say this story could not have started any better for me. Placing our protagonist Tom in this hopeless scenario is a great hook to the story and Hinba is an awesomely powerful, ominous dominant giantess while still being very sexy.
I have some unique tastes when it comes to giantess fiction as I've read so much now, Pure violence doesn't work as well for me, and pure gentle doesn't either. I love these types of suspense stories where we don't know how the relationship between Hinba and Tom will progress. Can't wait to gradually learn more about her and see if she has any type of heart or mercy in her. I love how she totally outclasses him, with her size, strength, magic powers and even can outsmart him. He's powerless and you aren't relying on the trope where he can just asspull his way into being useful to her.
Those last two chapters 3 and 4 were wonderfully suspenseful in that aspect.
I do hope for a happy ending as I have to admit as much as I love the torment and teasing I do like seeing cruel giantess women open up emotionally in a relatable and earned way more than anything, but I know I will enjoy this story either way as long as you keep it going.
Date: May 05 2022 7:33 AM Title: Chapter 1 The Chase
I’ve read the first chapter, and I have to say it’s a good start. I do think some more description in the early environment would be nice. Only because it’s the first chapter and us, the readers, do need some picture to envision. Other then that it’s coming up nice.
Author's Response:
Hey thanks for the review man! Yeah I agree. I don't think I'm going to make quality of life edits anytime on the near future simply because at some point I have the just say that this was a learning experience and I don't want to pull my hair out trying to make it perfect. I am going to work on better environmental storytelling (and better storytelling about the environment) in the future. Funny enough, the first chapter was more of a proof of concept for me to see if I would even enjoy writing. It worked. lol