[Report This]Date: August 06 2024 3:25 AM Title: Chapter 1
for a short story is actually good, if i have not read antopia first i will thought that when Justin shrink a side effect was to understand bugs but the question is this story is in the same world as antopia? because if it is, it will be posible to see Olivia and Emma in the main story or you just wants to focus the story with his own characters with out the interference from other characters of your stories.
I like the detail that even Emma who is a person who likes to respect all life and don't lie to kill bugs but don't as the same level divya have has a dead ant on his shoe, basicly saying that even the people who respect bugs can't avoid to kill them by accident and the only way to avoid that is to look down all the time, i can of curious if we learn the same message with divya.
A suggestion or a think that it would be interesting and turn the story more tragic that i could suggest or use is if before Emma leaves she kind of comforts Justin like rubbing his head or just saying everything will be fine with a trust full smile to make him know that nothing bad will happend just to her to leave and return to see that somenthing really bad happend and basicly the last thing Emma did to his boyfriend was lie to him and give him Fake hope.
I will kind of understand if Emma will shrink his sister for revenge and know that his emotions are on the top but if it was my case i will just told her what happend and let the specialz song pops on his head and see the mental breakdown that Olivia has, heck i'm sure that she will even gain a trauma and will never crush any bug on his life, Olivia reaction is somenthing i wanted to see but i understand why you leave it opend but i really like the way you wrote the emotions that the characters fell and i kind of curious to see how you will write Olivia reaction or someone similar to his case.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your review
This was actually my first story I posted on the site that I
wrote during covid.
I designed Emma as somewhere in the middle between Lucy and
Divya when it comes to killing bugs. She doesn’t like to kill bugs but doesn’t
have the same level of emotional attachment as Divya so isn’t as careful around
them which is why she accidentally kills them but doesn’t get emotional turmoil
like Divya. As can’t avoiding killing bugs due to their small size I hope introducing
the aphids which are basically microscopic to the human naked eye will make
this clearer and they will have some very interesting interactions with Divya.
Hahaha I was going to address this later on but yes Antopia
and this story do indeed take place in the same universe which is why there is
a talking ant in this. This story actually takes place a few years after the
events of Antopia. Oliva and Emma won’t become major characters in Antopia since
I don’t interfere too much since the main focus is on Max and the people in his
life. I do plan to give them minor character roles/cameo roles in the story
later on. A new short story I have coming out soon which takes place in same
universe Antopia will make this a lot clearer.
Yeah, I agree that probably Emma comforting Justin more
lovingly and giving fake hope for protection would be even more tragic and
cruel.
I left it on an open-ended cliffhanger ending for people to
speculate what could happen next. Emma would probably go insane with rage but I
agree Oliva’s reaction will probably be more interesting and she never actually
realised at the end that she killed a human and not a bug. The new story I have
coming out soon will loosely address the aftermath of what happened to Emma and
Oliva.
Date: June 04 2024 9:33 PM Title: Chapter 1
After reading Antopia, it's nice to see improvement in your writing after reading this.
Author's Response:
That's nice to hear. Creative writing is something you get a lot better at over time the more you do and it feels fulfilling to come back to your very first story and compare it to your later stories.
[Report This]Date: March 13 2022 8:23 PM Title: Chapter 1
I really enjoyed this story!! You provided nice descriptions, nice character archetypes, even explained things most people don't bother to explain (why there's a bed with wheels, why she's ok with stepping on bugs and cigarette butts). The odor and dirt was a nice touch too. The ant talking was way more effective than I thought it'd be. Really curious to know why it could since you said there's a reason for it. My personal favorite scene was the revelation of the ant his gf stepped on without realizing it. Especially because she doesn't like killing bugs. Good work!! I enjoyed it a lot!
Author's Response:
Thank you very much for reviewing 🙂
Very glad that you enjoyed the in-depth descriptions and explanations. I like to tell the audience clearly what is going on and why it is happening.
In sometime in the future I plan to write more stories with talking ants where you will find out why exactly they talk. So if you stick around you will be in for a surprise!
[Report This]Date: March 11 2022 11:41 PM Title: Chapter 1
Fun to read. But the ending left something to be desired. I was picturing the sisters red hot rage leading to her grabbing the shrink gun and pointing it at her sister. Feel it would have been where the story was going when her holding back on her sister for so long and then her heart breaking as well as her sisters treatment of insects would have lead. To her becoming insect size herself.
Author's Response:
First of all thank you very much for reviewing 🙂
I purposefully left the story on a cliff-hanger ending because I wanted the audience to be left in the heat of the moment and use their imagination as to what could possibly happen next.
But yes I can totally see it that this would be the most likely thing Emma does next given the seriousness of what Oliva has done and to teach her a lesson.
So glad you enjoyed it 🙂
[Report This]Date: March 11 2022 4:12 PM Title: Chapter 1
This was incredible I love when the girl midtakes the person for a bug. I also like how it ends without her ever finding out it was a person she killed. Overall amazing!
Author's Response:
So glad you enjoyed it 🙂. Also like how you enjoyed the cliff-hanger ending
[Report This]Date: March 11 2022 3:28 AM Title: Chapter 1
Very well written. I really liked the setting of a dirty room. It really helped to set the scene after our main character had shrunken down! Also, very creative to make the ant speak. That also really helped to emphasize just how tiny Justin had become.
I am a bit sad that he didn't survive the encounter with Olivia. I felt very bad for Emma in the end. I would have loved to see the story continue, because I really like your style of writing, what details you pay attention to and I also think the setting holds a lot of potential, especially with the talking ants! But I'd also love to see more Emma-Justin interaction with that size difference ^^.
Nonetheless, I really enjoyed reading the story and I'm looking forward to more stories from you in the future :)!
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for for reviewing 🙂
I plan to address the talking ants and the reason they can talk in future stories so I am thrilled that are looking forward for more stories from me in future!
As for Justin's death I decided to kill him to emphasise the tragedy of seemingly trivial human actions having a devastating impact on others.
But who knows. Maybe you might see Justin resurrected in future if you stick around 🙂
[Report This]Date: March 11 2022 2:50 AM Title: Chapter 1
I have to say I was hoping for Justin to get out alive XD
The heartbreak, anger and shock coming from Emma was palpable, especially given Olivia's non-chalant reaction.
You wrote all the characters very well, and the interaction between them and the size difference point of view was also described well :)
And Olivia's feet and their effect were hot XD Nice work on really putting us in Justin's positon.
As your first story this was well written and I hope you keep writing more if this is anything to go by, I can't wait to see what you write next.
(I wonder how Olivia would react to learn she killed Justin)
Author's Response:
Thanks you so much for reviewing as it really helps to understand how people view my story 🙂.
I deliberately left it on a cliff-hanger ending because I wanted the audience to be left in the heat of the moment and imagine what could possible happen next.
So you can use your imagination as to how Oliva would react to killing Justin.
Very excited to know that you are looking forward to more stories from me 🙂