[Report This]Date: November 28 2021 8:26 AM Title: Chapter 1: Monitors
Well, this was unexpected. You've returned and brought not 1 but 2 stories. This was, despite still being omni, quite outside your typical wheelhouse. I rather liked Laura's plan to send herself a message and discovering not once but twice that she is woefully outmatched. I liked her perseverance even when it was clear she was up against a god. Imagine trying to stop someone from eating galaxies in sushi. It would probably end with you winked out of existence. Even when the beings in peril were from a universe Etsu created, she tried to save them.
Etsu herself was suitably devious. No remorse. I wonder how she gets along without permanently murdering everyone. If accidentally stepping on her shoe and apologizing is rewarded with a Final Destination style perma-death, she must run into similar reasons every day. Its also interesting how she's concerned to some degree about losing her humanity if she were to embrace what her abilities can offer. (Not that she hasn't already, since she massacres universes on the reg)
I was a bit confused what was intended at the end of chapter 9. Is it a vision or is it real? Does Etsu just hold the universes and the extra-universal area in her hands or does she snuff them out and remake them. I would think trying to destroy the multiverse would offend any other gods that exist. That got me thinking about gods pissing off other gods leading to fights. Like your Continental Stroll story, but on even terms. Or Envy, but they aren't frenemies.
There's some errors, but not too many. Gleam instead of glean is used a few times. I see that one in a lot of stories.
Author's Response:
Hello and thank you for the detailed feedback. I appreciate it. I am happy you liked the characters! Laura and Etsu both turned out a bit differently than I originally expected compared to my thoughts around when I started writing the story, and I'm happy people seemed to enjoy reading about them and their personalities and such.
You of course bring up interesting points on them in your analysis. When writing Laura, I was actually worried at some points that she might seem a bit too idealistic at times. But, I figured that as a super heroine she was already a special sort of human right? That sort of attitude often goes with the territory, as they say. So, it seemed natural she'd have more courage and such in the face of a powerful being like Etsu.
With regards to your question on chapter 9, I think one notion Etsu was trying to suggest is that just because something is real doesn't mean it matters that much, at least to her. Whatever she did or didn't do to the universes/existence she, as far as Laura knew, presumably fixed it. Far as Laura knows, no one but her and Etsu remembered it either. If consequences can be reverted, then how much does it really matter if a universe is real or not, especially to Etsu who can revert it? I think her and Laura might have some different views on that, perhaps, as you point out.
That said, I did indeed intend to imply that Etsu was closing her hands around existence there haha.
As for errors, editing is unfortunately neither my strong-suit nor something I particularly enjoy all that much. Obviously not the best excuse: I imagine many people don't like editing, haha! I do typically review and edit my stories before sharing them of course, but I imagine they could often benefit from being reviewed and edited more. I just hope any mistakes don't detract too much from a reading experience. In any case, thank you for pointing that out.
And of course, thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
[Report This]Date: November 27 2021 11:24 PM Title: Chapter 1: Monitors
Hey Vivetta, I have to say I was never rrally that into Omni before this story, but this one worked really well. The way that tension was built up between Etsu and Lauara really worked well. I actually took a break about halfway theough when Etsu was showing herself as a god to Laura and thought about how the story might wnd and the endless possibilities Omni brings. I thought of the same thing you used that Laura had no chance and if etsu wanted she could torture her for 1000 years in a second, but ultimately Laura is just intrestinf to Etsu. Which is enough for Etsu to spare her and let her go unbroken as for the girl who can have anything something unexpected and unpredictable to her is of the hoghest intrest. I liked the open ended ending. Not sure if you will revisit but it leaves it to the reader for now to if we think Etsu will return to rampage in Laura's city, or maybe given enough time Laura will realize how Etsu actually being quite nice given what she could do. I wonder if Etsu's desire to keep some level of human experience means shes looking for a relationship of some kind with a human like how she flirted woth a kiss or this could be a last hurrah sort of thing where shes getting whatever memories she can oit of earth before acending. Its all very intriguing given i thought those sorts of characters stories quickly became no stakes when everything can be done with a whim of their will.
Author's Response:
Hello and thanks for your comment! I am happy you seemed to enjoy the story. I am pleased you were able to enjoy this story's omni content it seems! It is usually quite nice to read that someone who isn't usually into one theme or feature can find enjoyment in a story with said things.
In particular, I'm happy you liked all the dialogue on the omni stuff. I mentioned it before, but I thought some people might be a tad put off by all the dialogue and such. I am happy that is not the case, at least for you and a few others haha.
Anyways, thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
[Report This]Date: November 26 2021 3:37 AM Title: Chapter 1: Monitors
I don't have the words. Love the interactions between Etsu and Laura. Love the displays and descriptions of omnipotence throughout. You are the master of Omni Viv!
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! Believe it or not, I almost decided to not finish this story, so I'm happy I managed to complete it given how much some people seem to enjoy it.
I actually don't have words often when replying to comments, as it can be hard sometimes to think of stuff to say other than "thank you!" But, I do mean it every time. It is always a treat to read that people enjoy my stories. So, thanks for sharing your thoughts, and for the kind praise.
[Report This]Date: November 26 2021 2:26 AM Title: Chapter 1: Monitors
Great story as always! Even tough it's a bit different from your usual stories, you really did a great job here.
I really loved how you also made focus on a specific normal human apart from the giantess/goddess.
Usually you stories are focused on mega/giga giantesses brats overlording their size over random stranger people.
This time we also got to see the POV of a normal person who also happens to be a coprotagonist. For me, this made the depictions of humillation and insignificance even better. I felt more connected/identified with the tinys.
Anyway, glad to see you back. You are a very talented writer!!
Author's Response:
I'm pleased you enjoyed the story! I felt it was a bit different too, so I was definitely a little worried that it wouldn't be very good. I'm very pleasantly surprised by how much some people liked it, so thank you!
I have admittedly written a lot recently with majority of focus on the "size overlorders" as you say haha, so I'm happy you thought the fresher perspectives with Laura were enjoyable.
Thank you for the kind words, and for sharing your thoughts. I always appreciate it.
Date: November 25 2021 7:16 PM Title: Chapter 1: Monitors
This was really intresting one I love Etsu and Laura's battle of wits.
Author's Response:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I was a bit worried about the dialogue at times, so it is nice to read you seemed to like it!