[Report This]Date: August 16 2021 8:35 PM Title: Chapter 1
Over all this is pretty good especially for a first story. The scenario is good and is a nice treat for those who like this type.of stuff. My main criticism would be that it is lacking in some detail that could pad things out. It is short and to the point, but it left me wanting some.of the gaps to be filled and only in terms.of detail not the plot. I think the protagonist shrinking for no reason is good enough just so that we can move on to the sexy stuff, but I would have loved to see more added to it to fill.out the scenes and transitions. Over all very good stuff here, but maybe for your next story go over it and start inserting extra details that can make it flow better.
I also wonder if this will be what you would normally write. Personally giant cock stuff and family scenarios are sexy. So was wondering.if this will be your wheelhouse.
[Report This]Date: August 15 2021 1:53 PM Title: Chapter 1
This was a great story and your sense of scale was fantastic, looking forward to more stuff with these two :)
There was an error towards the bottom where it looks like something was cut off but everything else was fine.
Date: August 15 2021 6:09 AM Title: Chapter 1
This is rather snazzy if I say so myself. The only real problem was that paragraph error partway into the story. I just recccomend giving your story a quick run down right before posting to avoid such things in the future but other than that great work.
[Report This]Date: August 14 2021 11:18 PM Title: Chapter 1
Loved every aspect of the story. The shrinking and descriptions of her point of view. The sperm the size of great whites was especially imaginative. Kept picturing them circling her. Lol. I love how the shrinking wore off as she was falling back towards her brothers penis and ends up impaled on it as she grows out of nowhere from the brothers view.
Part of one of your paragraphs appears to have been cut and added to the bottom of your story. You can see where the letter 'e' from the word she is cut off and begins again at end. I included the two paragraphs to show you.
He then goes to get something off the floor, bending down to grab it, Beth thinks that he’s finally seen her and hopes she’s saved, only for him to grab her sock and pick it up with her inside it. As sh“Eric! Please, you're looking right at me! Please see me!”
Suddenly the two siblings hear something downstairs. “Kids, I’m home!”e tumbles down to the bottom and looks up to see her brother staring right at her without seeing her, she begins to fear that she will never be found.
Other than the editing error. I really hope to see more just like this story from you.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the feed back and I'll try and fix the error as soon as possible