[Report This]Date: March 22 2023 5:57 PM Title: Funnel of Love
Good concept (drunk lesbian girlfriends at a school party, the one trying to get the other to be more open). The shy girl mingles and comes onto another girl and finds the girl is straight and with friends. They take her upstairs and play a game of funneling beer and other alcohol into her. The gf stumbles upon them and accidentally gets shrunk down and the girls decided to put her into the funnel. Great concept.
Here's the 2 things I think detract from making this a great story:
1) POV - when things are from the drunk girl's perspective, as it is often in this story, it becomes confusing to the reader at just what the heck is going on. This type of tale, I think, needs to be told from an omni perspective, with occasional looks into the perspective of the drunk girls.
2) The voring was way too drug out. There is no shock factor as such. We know what's going to happen and it takes forever to get there. If a word count was necessary to be met, I would've recommended using the extra verbiage to build up the party atmosphere and the characters involved and their interactions prior.