[Report This]Date: March 07 2024 7:17 PM Title: Chapter 35 -- Touring the Region of the LSR (Ladies Supremacy Republic), Part Two
Hey Tess -
Obviously all my opinion based on what I enjoy, but here is some feedback.
As someone who thoroughly enjoys diving into stories that blend the imaginative with the relatable, I find your perspective is unique. The lens of her size to explore is always fun. Of course, your character seems to be much more optimistic and hopeful which is a fun change of pace, there is a more optimistic depth and warmth. Nano Intelligent Cells (NIC) as a means to level the playing field for is a a creative way to address the physical challenges she faces, and it adds an intriguing layer to the story's universe.
Obviously the ethical implications introduced by the use of male tinies as shoe inserts by Christine are intriguing and i would enjoy if it was explored further, as well as some personal perspective of the characters feelings. (Does she view tiny men as second class citizens as well?) . This plot point offers a rich ground for exploration, and I would love to see it explored furter.(Physical descriptions are always fun, but perhaps discussion or reflection on the moral questions it raises, as well as more visceral descriptions of the darker side of the characters?).
Additionally, the pacing of the story, while generally effective, occasionally rushes through scenes that could benefit from more detailed exploration. Slowing down at key moments to delve deeper into the characters' emotions and thoughts, descriptions of events and physical feelings, especially during the climactic volleyball game, would always be enjoyed.
In any case, good stuff. With a bit more development on the ethical dilemmas and a deeper exploration of character emotions and experiences, I believe the story would be even better.
Kenny
Author's Response:
Thanks for the feedback. With gratitude, Theresa
Date: March 13 2023 10:27 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
Relatively uncommon among the stories on here. I'm intrigued on how this story will be developed, as I read that this is inspired somewhat by real life. I may be biased towards new outlooks, but thank you for bringing this perspective to the readers.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the feedback. With gratitude, Theresa
[Report This]Date: October 26 2022 10:26 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
Hey Theresa,
While this particular content is not my cup of tea, I'm happy that my story and characters have inspired your writing. I look forward to more content from you.
Kenny
Author's Response:
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.
[Report This]Date: October 08 2022 7:02 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
Heya,
FYI shot you an email about my thoughts on the chapter, sorry for being not as quick to respond but c'est la vie.
Kenny
Author's Response:
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.
[Report This]Date: June 19 2022 9:53 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
I enjoyed the most recent chapter. I've seen a lot of growth in your writing style and it's much easier to follow now. I hope to see some more crushing under your friends feet, maybe even some movement directly under the heel!
Author's Response:
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.
Date: May 08 2022 9:27 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
Really enjoy your story! Hoping to read more arch-support material
[Report This]Date: April 23 2022 3:38 AM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
I only read your first chapter, and have little idea where this story is heading.
As to you being a lesbian, and I am saying this from the standpoint of a male. I once was a male maid (complete with a black silk French Maid outfit and feather duster) to two lesbians who would beat me in a Sade-masochist relationship. The eventual problem was our caring for each other, three wheels in a two wheel relationship. It had to end, and I miss them both dearly.
That said, many men dream of being part of a lesbian relationship. What could be hotter than two women making out? Well I myself found out the third wheel position, which did not work. But for those who never experienced a relationship with two female lovers, it is the ultimate dream; and admittedly still my ultimate fantasy.
I only read this first chapter, but after reading your resignation of writing your thoughts, I have to ask you to just write what you want.
Sure, many may respond with negative comments; but they are not your intended audience. Write for yourself, and your intended audience will find themselves.
Author's Response:
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.
Date: March 15 2022 10:02 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
Hey Theresa,
Just got around to finishing the story so far.
I especially like the parts where the girls use Tess as merely an object - the idea of Tess being nothing more than device used to check for hair stubbles is always fun.
And obviously unknowingly being tortured with perfume before being forgotten about in your friends boot is equally... thrilling? Haha.
Keep up the good work!
-kenny
Author's Response:
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.
[Report This]Date: October 27 2021 1:47 AM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
Hey Theresa,
I read the first few chapters, and then the last two, since you specifically recommend the second to last chapter in my story reviews.
I'm guessing you're a non native English speaker because you use a ton of words that are, let's say, pretty obscure? lol at least to a dummy like myself. Not that it's a bad thing per se, but sometimes i feel like you use a different word then what feels most appropriate, or I have to look up what it means (which isn't actually a bad thing, but sometimes it seems like it's slight overkill)
for instance you use "squash obsession" instead of "crush obsession"
again this isn't incorrect, per se, especially considering we are specifically talking about a fetish here, but it did take me a second to understand what you were talking about. (I thought maybe you meant the game at first, lol)
As to the story itself, it's not bad. I dont share many of the same "interests" as you, so but considering what i read that I'm into your descriptions are actually quite good compared to other stories I've read on the site.
You can probably tell from my own writing style what I like in terms of the macrophilia fetish and writing in it specifically, so you'll probably understand what I mean.
In any case, I think by reading and writing, you'll improve in some of these syntactical and grammar issues, especially if you are a non native English speaker, that will only come with time.
In any case, I do love the concept, especially in your last two chapters. I can't say that i will read everything as certain fetishes are a big no no for me, but as long as the story is parsed out in a way that can separate some of these things I look forward to reading more.
Feel free to leave a review in my story if you'd like to chat more about writing or, uhh our shared strange "eccentricities" as you might put it, not that I'm an expert in either or anything.
-kenny
Author's Response:
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.
[Report This]Date: March 29 2021 5:28 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
Hello! I'm really enjoying how it is coming out so far. I like the detail you've put in, especially with how you've described the crushing. I applaud you for putting yourself in the story, I can't imagine that I'd be as comfortable to publish a story about myself and that surely must require a great deal of confidence. My only criticism is perhaps a lack of content in some of the chapters, which can be somewhat short. In chapter 3 I had hoped you would detail Jessica's feet a bit more, as her heels would likely be visible with those shoes. I see a tag you have is unaware, I'm hoping for some accidental crushing under her feet at some point!
I hope you continue this!
I'd like to ask if you take on commissions, I like your work so far and would be willing to pay for a short story from you. I can reached by email if you're interested at rlaw4747@gmail.com
Author's Response: Dear Wutt117, Allow me to express my sincerest appreciation towards your review. I will add more details on the contour of my friends’ feet. Please keep in mind that while the story is fictional, but all the characters are paralleled from my everyday life. So, please be aware that each one of my friends have calluses on their feet from wearing dress pumps, from the bottom of their feet, to the toes. I prefer to apply realistic details in my stories, so my friends’ feet are unlikely to be as silky as you might think, while they’re supple, but that’s merely agile and flexible. It doesn’t mean that they’re silky-smooth. For example, in Chapter 6, when my breasts were worn down from chafing against Laura’s foot, that is a realistic possibility. Actually, Laura has hammertoes, so in this chapter, “based on the way she put me, her thumb toe will be on top of my face, while her index toe, middle toe, fore toe, and pinkie toe will cover the rest of my figure”, realistically my body will actually be supporting the bend in the middle of her toes, so that would be good for her. Theresa
Date: March 28 2021 5:31 AM Title: Chapter 6 – Ashiatsu – a Deep-Tissue Massage - the result was like a nipple-sparing mastectomy
Alright so far. I think you will get better as you write more.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. With gratitude, Theresa
Date: March 27 2021 3:27 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
So this one is a bit hard for me to read through because of how its structured. Essentially what I mean is the details can detract from the overall flow of the story. In the first chapter alone it has a couple of asides devoted to exact measurements of the characters and appearance descriptions. These can detract rather than add to the reading experience. Generally its better to give a brief description, hit on the notable points and let the reader fill in the gaps there. With details generally ask, does this detail jerk someone out of the story or does it flow correctly?
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. With gratitude, Theresa
[Report This]Date: March 23 2021 10:18 PM Title: Chapter 1 – Prologue
It's very interesting reading from this perspective. I'll continue reading shortly!
Author's Response: Dear Sherman, Allow me to express my sincerest appreciation towards your review. I tried to add a photo of Jessica and me to the summary and Chapter 3, where I introduced my real-life partner, Jessica to the story. While it was uploaded successfully, but it didn’t get posted, I am not sure what happened. Perhaps, it is being reviewed, so please check again later. Theresa