[Report This]Date: February 24 2025 1:12 AM Title: Return to the livings
I really like the direction this chapter went! Ashley was starting to get comfortable, but the core of the story is Ashley’s struggle. I applaud you for making the bold decision to change the status quo and add tension back to the relationship.
I liked the restaurant scene. It was nice to see all of Ashley’s friends, tiny and futa, come to her aid. I loved the detail of the futas not allowing hard alcohol to their tinies.
The Breeding Act is wild! Do these Radicals even know any tinies? Julia’s intense response, compounded by the time pressure of Ashley’s fertility, makes perfect sense.
I hope Ashley can take the time to figure out what she wants out of life and what happiness means to her, considering the situation she is in. She can still find joy in books, her relationships, and hopefully her growing family.
Julia showed a huge amount of growth in offering to transfer her ownership! I wonder how she’s been dealing with her violent urges, with the stress of Ashley in a coma and a newborn at home. I’m not surprised she killed that futa. I wonder if that had any lasting effect on her.
Ashley is still very self conscious about being replaced by Barbara, and also about sex in general. It was so sad to read how she was worried her family would find the dildo in her corpse. I want Barbara and Ashley to really talk about the crazy circumstances that brought them together. And hopefully the futas can encourage more confidence in Ashley.
Ashley is about to be surrounded by futa children, between Julia’s kids and her half siblings. I am eager to see how she handles the stress of helping to raise them, and eventually her feelings as they outgrow her.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review, as always !
I really liked the restaurant scene and how it allowed me to give some sense of normalcy for Ashley (before yanking it from her, because a good story needs bad events !).
I'll be honest, Radicals and Supremacists are mostly here because I don't know how to NOT worldbuild too much for my own good. But I'm glad they are here, they make the whole setting feels more complete to me. And if someone wants to pick up on it to make a spin-off or something, it gives more material to do so.
Regarding Julia, Barbara and Ashley and their growth, the next few chapters should have that in spades as I managed to find a way back to an idea I had in mind way back when I just wondered if this story deserved to be more than a one-shot ! I hope the just released chapter (Stays at home) will be to your liking starting that evolution !
Date: February 23 2025 3:50 PM Title: Return to the livings
This chapter took an unexpected twist, and I am unsure how to feel about it. On one hand, it feels like there were lot of missed opportunities, such as Ashlynn meeting Julia's friends and the exploration of a three-way relationship between Ashley, Julia, and Barbara. On the other hand, I can see the appeal in the direction the story has taken. Nonetheless, the story is great, and I am going to keep reading to finish it. However, I am a bit worried that it will be over soon as it was intended to be a one-shot. Fair enough, but I would really like more. Have you ever considered doing an alternative story path, like Ashlynn being in the hospital for only ten days or something similar?
p.s I think we really need a scene with only Ashlynn and Barbara.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review !
That change wasn't planned. Initially, I wanted to have something with only a few hours of coma and then a disfigured Ashley having to deal with the situation, a Julia that was going off a very dark road again, etc. But I found myself writing the chapter as it was currently released, which surprised me ! But I found it opened some possibilities I hadn't even considered before. And I'm running with it !
Even if I understand why it could be jarring/divisive, that chapter left me wondering if I should rewrite it for a shorter ellipse and the like. In the end, I felt that it was better to keep it as it was.
And the following chapter is strictly Barbara and Ashley together ! Finally ! I hope you'll like it when it'll be finished (I've written rougly two third of it).
For the alternate story paths, I'll think about it when this story will be finished ! WHich will happens who know when. At least, I don't know yet haha !