[Report This]Date: October 01 2024 11:16 PM Title: Chapter 20 - More Catching Up
Whoops! I was so into all the story that happened since then that I completely forgot about the story of how Jordan and Alice met way back in chapter one. Still, I think it was a good time to bring that up again in the previous chapter, as, like you said, it's a good reminder for people like me! Of course, it did also set the tone for everything that's come after it, including this chapter here, even for those that did remember.
You also said you're concerned about the "catching up" chapters boring your readers, and I'll admit I've had the same concerns for several things in my own story, so I get where you're coming from. But, for me at least, I love this, and I was actually pretty stoked to see the title of this chapter. It would have been easy to relegate all the catching up to a segment divide, all taking place "off screen" (I've done that a few times, too!), but I genuinely wanted to see Alice's reactions to each thing that happened to Jordan, even before Leila and she saved him. And these last two chapters haven't disappointed.
Not to mention that Alice is exactly right; it does almost feel like Alice is getting to experience all this with him, given the emotional highs and lows she's going through at hearing his story.
But what I like most about Jordan telling Alice his story is the organic form it's taking, especially in this chapter. That line, "I saw you, you know," felt like a natural thing for Jordan to say there, rather than just a device to keep rehashing the past through his storytelling. It was compelling, as was Alice's reaction to finding out that Jordan had been there when she was crying in the forest, so close yet impossibly far away at the same time. But the whole thing was framed as a realistic conversation two close friends might have, rather than "and then ... and then ... and then ..." which is really appreciated!
Alice apologizing for things that aren't really her fault is so incredibly sweet of her. Honestly, I thought she might scold him a little bit for recklessly grabbing her ankle strap, but I love that she almost seemed to feel how hopeless that moment seemed for him instead, like she understood why he did it in the first place.
And, of course, her own abandonment issues made the thought of making Jordan feel that way unbearable for her. Yeah, she didn't know he was there, but, in her mind, she could very well be comparing it to how her parents didn't notice her during the divorce, which probably makes Jordan's words of comfort sting even more, hence the emotional line from her: "I'm sorry you felt so helpless ... that I wasn't there when you needed me." And that's probably why Jordan telling her that he never felt abandoned, that he knew she'd always come looking for him, pulled her out of that emotional spiral.
I'm also loving all the little reminders that Leila is going to steal something from Alice's apartment before she gets back to the village. It's a nice bit of comic relief amongst all the emotions floating around.
With the way Alice was fascinated with the idea of little people hiding in the forest before, her excitement and awe at hearing Jordan describe the village makes so much sense. Every word Jordan says in the second segment here seems to have Alice on the edge of her seat, and I really enjoy that whimsical sense of adventure and discovery we get just from reading her thoughts after merely being told all this. It makes me really want Alice to be able to see it all for herself (preferably without having to get tiny like Jordan, but even that might be cool in its own way).
And with that thought, seeing Alice's reaction to learning about Elsie, as well as the comparison between the two of them in terms of how they view each other's worlds, makes my hope that they actually meet even stronger. Alice's immediate empathy for Elsie's situation, being unable to explore the world she's so eager to see, was so heartwarming. I also think her happiness at Jordan being able to meet someone like Elsie during his time separated from her is likely at least partially rooted in the thought that Elsie is at least a little bit like her, so it's almost like he had a little bit of her around him even when she had to leave him behind.
Lastly, I really like the little touches you put into scenes, like Alice setting Jordan down on her lap after holding him between her fingers for most of the chapter. I'm big about having my characters actually doing things when they're talking, as opposed to standing still with the sole purpose of delivering dialogue (there's nothing wrong with that, but I enjoy the more realistic approach of the world not stopping as they're talking), so I love those little touches. It was also cute to envision her setting Jordan down on her lap!
Author's Response:
I can't blame you for forgetting, it was only mentioned in the intro and after that, it was just kind of an afterthought until it was a good time to bring it up again as to explain why Alice was home alone.
Glad to hear the catch-up chapters were something you enjoyed reading! It was definitely a bit of a concern of mine that people might be bored reading about events that happened already, but I did really want the two to get each other up to speed as well. I think I enjoyed that a lot more than just skipping all the exposition and moving on right away.
I did consider Alice maybe scolding him, but I think she just felt too awful about not even noticing him near her feet to even consider how reckless that was (she probably would have done the same thing if things were reversed) Also, I think she could completely understand where he was coming from, going out of his way to try to stay with her.
Alice might just get to see the village for herself sooner or later! But I'll be honest that I haven't fully worked out how to approach that event yet when I get around to that. Who's going to tag along with Jordan to visit the village, who's staying big? It's still a mystery, even to me. But I have really been wanting for Alice to meet Elsie one way or another, since they're similar and would definitely get along.
I definitely enjoy interaction during conversation. I have no doubt you probably noticed, people in this story love holding tinies inbetween her fingers, it's a favorite of mine. But putting them on a shoulder or lap is just as great. :)