Date: September 04 2024 9:19 PM Title: Chapter 1: Paradise
I hope you don't mind, but I ended up reading the completed story over at the 'City. I figured I give you a comment here instead of necroposting over there. Anyway, I loved it. Almost had a horror quality to it like Lost or Jurassic Park. I loved seeing Kim's transformation and her slowly becoming erratic overtime. It was also exhilarating to see everyone lose their mind around Kim the bigger she got. Oh, and lactation! Hell yeah! That was a treat to read, and I loved how you weaved it in at the end.
Now that I've read your story, your comments/questions over at the GW discord make more sense to me. I'm really curious about how this vision is going to differ from the original. Anyway, great job and lovely story!
Author's Response:
I'm actually glad you did (though I am embarrassed by the frequent typos and a whole missing chapter)! I would be curious what you think of the new ending if you choose to keep reading it. I think the new ending will be better!
Date: September 01 2024 4:03 AM Title: Chapter 1: Paradise
lol. I'll have to admit that the subtitles with the characters name completely went over my head. I didn't realize it was the story from their POV. Maybe as a teeny-tiny request, could you give each character a title? Like, Brian - Production Assistant? Because I thought it was the same person telling the story for the first half of the chapter, lol. But feel free to ignore me and my scatter brains.
Anyway, the story looks promising. I've only read the first chapter so far. I picked up on Kim's foreshadowing, so I'm intrigued to see where this goes. Really nice scene at the end there.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading!
In the original it was a little more obvious because each part was from the perspective of a single person. As I rewrite things I'm putting together parts into chapters that are roughly 5000 words.
Everyone introduces themselves when there is a new character, but besides Brian, the host of the show, Pete, the show runner, and Charlie, Kim's production assistant everyone else who shared their perspective is a contestant.
[Report This]Date: August 23 2024 6:26 AM Title: Chapter 1: Paradise
I never realized how perfect setting one of these stupid reality love shows would be for a slow growth story, but you've already got me hooked on this one!
I love how villainous production comes off right away. Pete seems like exactly the kind scumbag I'd expect to run one of these shows. The way he's using his staff to manipulate the girls (and presumably the boys, based on how quickly Thomas turned on Kim) is so sleazy and disgusting.
I also really enjoyed Charlie trying and failing to wrestle his conscience here. Unlike Pete (at least as far as we can tell so far) he actually cares about Kim and feels some responsibility for her as his charge. However, he cares about his own career more, so while he feels bad about it, he doesn't hesitate when it comes time to manipulate her. And even when he's fighting for her behind the scenes, that ulterior motive is still there, too.
All of this makes Kim so easy to sympathize with. She legitimately came to the lagoon looking looking for love, and not only did production take that from her because they didn't find her interesting enough, but they destroyed her emotionally just to maximize the entertainment value. I felt so bad for her when Thomas dumped her after she declared her love for him. That was obviously shitty.
And that sympathy made Kim doing pretty much the same thing to Lauren that Candice did to her feel a lot less terrible. Maybe it's partially because we aren't as familiar with Lauren as well, but watching Kim reel Aaron in felt to me like she was taking something she deserved after what she went through. Not to mention it looks like production is pushing her to do this, between her "hearing" that Aaron likes tall girls (when only Pete and Charlie had access to her) and Charlie pressuring her by telling her she doesn't have a lot of time before someone is sent home.
And the way she seduces Aaron is perfectly portrayed. Seemingly every movement she makes is done with the purpose of driving him crazy. She's so aggressive without being direct, and it's hot as fuck! Emphasizing little things like the way her jaw moves and neck flexes are so subtle, and they contrast nicely with more direct things like her eyes lingering in him and all the flirting and foot massaging afterlurimg him to the side.
Of course, I'm not convinced that she actually feels anything for Aaron yet. She didn't really seem to get to know him at all. She spent her time with Thomas before, and then she was isolated for three days. I feel like she just took the information that production gave her and decided she was going to take him, be that assertive person she always wanted to be. Her newfound horniness certainly played a factor, too. And she wants to stay on the show, of course.
I found Brian's instant attraction to Kim intriguing as well. Out of all the super attractive girls, he was immediately enamored with her. I don't know what, if anything, will come if that, but I feel like there's a reason we spent a nice little chunk of the chapter dwelling on this.
Did Kim and Val know each other before coming to the island, or did they just become friends that fast after arriving? It seems interesting that Kim has someone she's so tight with so quickly.
And no one having a problem with keeping Kim on the island rather than worrying about the scientific anomaly happening to her is the most reality show thing I've ever seen!
I'm excited to see how this one plays out! It has a completely different flavor to it than Growing Closer and I'm interested to see where you go with it. I have a feeling that Kim won't be nearly as benevolent goddess as Trish was, even if it looks like she won't be growing as big.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the indepth review! I'm glad you're excited about this one too.
My life experience with very stressful things like Lovers Lagoon would be for the contestants is that people grow close very quickly. When you're cut off from the outside world and there are no distractions and you're very stressed you can make very strong bonds.