[Report This]Date: December 28 2023 9:02 PM Title: Chapter 11 - A Couple of Tight Spots
Yo, this chapter's ending was dope. I thought for a second that Missy was going to give in to the domme side, but the Aidra tag-in was *chef's kiss*. Missy's inner conflict was really entertaining, understanding the logical course of action while her inner domme craved for the sexy to play out.
I liked how Kim processed her new surroundings through gamer terminology. Overall, you do a good job of playing with the narration to suit whichever character's perspective we're reading (like Claire definitely not intentionally avoiding glancing at the succubus in the corner). As a side-note, I like the word "mélange." Very sexy word choice.
Shrunken amazon was a ton of fun. It's cool seeing different tinies of different scales interact like that, and I love seeing it both from Claire's perspective (where Jen and Kim don't seem that different) and Kim's (where the size difference is much more apparent).
In regards to what we discussed about the whole TittyxRonniexDick thing, kudos to sticking to your guns, and I think adding the paragraph in which you describe what could have happened was an excellent choice. Even if truncated, that description offers the reader the juicy details they'd want from that scene without having to force the characters down a path you don't think they should take.
I was going to call bullshit on Aidra's anti-ramwhateveritscalled not protecting against the exact things it needs to protect against as contrived, but you did a fine job justifying why Olivia set themselves up for potential catastrophic failure in her last paragraph of explanation, so I'll rescind that critique.
A minor nitpick: there were a decent amount of times in the Kim/Jen where it got confusing which character you referring to, whether due to typo, incorrect name use, or vague pronouns. There was one instance where you referred to one of them as Ken and that got a chuckle out of me.
The Chae-won segment bugged me, though, and has me questioning my spatial awareness of the scene. Has the demonstration been visible from the street this whole time? It's been a minute since I read whichever chapter this started in, so forgive me if I'm misremembering, but I thought the demonstration was happening in a backroom away from prying eyes. How is Chae-won able to see the scene in such detail from outside the shop's front window? That aside, it seems unreasonable that Claire and the others would be demonstrating their secret new invention in a location that's visible to anyone with a camera on the sidewalk, so I feel like I must be misunderstanding something here.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review, and I really appreciate the critiques! I'm glad to hear Aidra's arrival stuck the landing, and that the shift in phrasing for different PoV characters is working.
I do understand that setting up a potential for Aidra to cast off her shackles had to be done well, and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make it seem reasonable. In the end I went with assumption, hubris, and unexpected outside intervention, and I fully admit that it is contrived as all hell, but I intend for the payoff to be worth it.
I have no excuse for the Ken mistake. I'll get that corrected sometime tonight (USA time zones). I'll also make some edits to improve readibility.
It's been a while since I fully described the environment (I think Chapter 6 back in September) but the demonstration is taking place in the middle of the showroom of Love & Lust, which is Titty's adult paraphernalia shop. The front wall is windows, but they have been frosted such that someone immediately adjacent to the building couldn't see what was going on inside, let alone someone on the street which is across the parking lot from the front of the building. I did mention back in chapter 6 that there is one spot on the window where it seems that, during the frosting process, a woman was pushed up against the glass to be taken from behind. The cleared spots for the breasts and cheek are the only part of the window a person could see through, and Chae-Won saw them as she was walking along the front of the store in the parking lot.
Thanks again for your help with this chapter, and thank you kindly for the constructive criticism!
[Report This]Date: December 27 2023 7:04 AM Title: Chapter 11 - A Couple of Tight Spots
You know, I had a theory in the back of my mind that maybe Titty was aware that Aidra was online and was using this as an opportunity to demonstrate Aidra's role as a "guardian sexbot" (I do like that title). It wasn't so much the wink that made me suspect this (although, like you said, after glancing over it again, I can see what you mean about that) but the fact that I couldn't quite believe that Titty, no matter how sexed up and orgasm drunk, would be so careless as to almost step on Missy on accident.
I was torn between between whether this was a tease or a means to show the audience just how far gone Titty was in the moment. If it was Titty teasing the tiny domme, that would imply to me that the succubus wasn't as lust-crazed as it seemed and that maybe there was more to her actions than met the eye.
Ultimately, the first read through of the scene had me leaning more toward a sexed-up Titty getting lost in the moment, but between noticing the stuff you pointed out and the fact that you pointed it out in the first place, I'm thinking maybe there's something to that theory.
Either way, I feel like my larger point about Missy still stands (and your comment about her being a Vane seems to back that up). She framed the entire dilemma from her own perspective, with the argument for helping Ronnie being a business one rather than an ethical one. It was all in relation to her, rather than what was right or what was best for Ronnie. Now, maybe the ethical portion of her internal debate was so self-evident that it didn't need review from her, but it still shows a darker side to the way that she can view others at times.
Again, though, I also think that all the sex and craziness happening around her may have also affected her judgment a bit. Also, while I think this selfish side probably has a lot to do with the "nature and nurture" components of her family lineage, I still think she's a good person overall and would have felt like absolute shit later on if she had let had decided to let Titty do her thing regardless of Ronnie's feelings.
Overall, stuff like this makes her character even more interesting to me, and stuff like this is kind of fun to analyze and debate.
And yeah, I'm really curious to see what Victoria had in mind for Stella when she filled out that questionaire. It seems like she's putting her through the wringer, either as a test to see how much she can take/put up with or just to fuck with her. I initially thought Richard would be the one to go down to an inch, but I could see Victoria signing Stella up for that. Also, you mentioned before that you're not as big a fan of going that small because the lack of agency can limit what a character can do. Well maybe Victoria wants the Fab Four to put her little would-be intern in a situation with little to no agency.
Then again, a 12-inch-tall Ronnie could probably do a lot with an inch-high Dick.
[Report This]Date: December 27 2023 12:59 AM Title: Chapter 11 - A Couple of Tight Spots
Excellent use of the word schlong, first of all! It's a classic I thought long forgotten.
I have to say, Missy showed a bit more of a dark side here than I expected. I knew she could get a bit dark with her domme side, but considering allowing things to go on with Ronnie when she was pretty sure the tiny assistant was having issues was surprising to me. I mean, we were starting to wander into rape territory at the end there.
Now, to be fair, given the "atmosphere" in the room, it would likely be pretty easy to get lost in your lust and not think clearly. In fact, based on Ronnie's reaction right before Titty started her "descent," I'm pretty sure Missy would have had some serious regrets afterward had she allowed this to continue.
Of course, we don't know what she would have done, as Aidra stepped in before she could react. I'm guessing Titty almost stomping her flat, whether coming that close intentionally to tease the tiny student or accidentally while lost in her lust, delayed any effort Missy might have made to put the kibosh on things.
This isn't a complaint that Missy was acting out of character, however. It was just interesting to see Missy's thought process in that situation, and it makes me think that maybe Missy is just a little bit more like her sister than she would care to admit.
As for Titty, it's obvious that she was so horny that she didn't even notice Ronnie decline the invitation to her "holy place." Said invitation was really more of a formality than an actual question, so the giant succubus clearly didn't pay attention to her response. Honestly, I don't think Titty could even comprehend the notion that somebody doesn't wouldn't want to get inside her.
And also, at least Titty owned the fucking pun! No more of this "pun unintended, hehe" shit!
I can see what you mean about plot threads weaving together. It looks like shits about to hit the fan and from multiple angles, too!
Hearing Olivia unknowingly describe what's likely to happen with Aidra when telling Claire why those things can't happen was both enjoyable and nerve-wracking. Any conversation that involves our robot overlords obtaining sentience and experimenting with bioweapons and shrinking tech is obviously a fun one. But yeah, hearing a protagonist unwittingly explain what (at least potentially) terrible thing is about to happen is always a bit unsettling, and I don't think we see enough of that nowadays, so it was certainly welcome here.
And now that Aidra is awake, I'm pretty intrigued to see just how much of Olivia's scenario (or anti-scenario might be a better word?) is going to play out.
I really like how entitled Chae-Won is here. She has absolutely nothing to do with this project (it's not even a project for the university), but she feels like she's entitled to get some credit for it because Claire chose a student over her to work on it. Now, just seconds after finding out shrinking is a thing, she's already looking for opportunities to steal the shrinking solutions and fantasizing about her "enemies" being tiny and at her mercy. She's very quickly gone from a character on the periphery to a serious, serious threat, and I love the absolute pettiness that serves as her motivation. Sometimes a simply villain is more enjoyable than a complex one with understandable reasons guiding their actions.
And who the hell knows what Stella is doing right now. Is she plotting something? Running scared? Actually using the bathroom? It's interesting that it was noted that she wasn't there and casually so.
But while Chae-Won's selfishness is giving her the makings of a great villainess, Kim's selfishness was something I found myself cheering. It's obvious Jen wants to go explore Dick's giant, well, dick (and that might have actually helped Ronnie's situation, actually), but Kim isn't about to give up her Jen time, and good for her! Kim was super possessive of Jen before she even realized Jen wasn't a body pillow, using her for comfort as she adjusted to her shrinking. I'm really pulling for Kim to break through that barrier with Jen, but I'm not sure if one shrunken-sexy-time session is going to be enough to do that (unlike with Richard and Ronnie).
Hopefully it'll move things in the right direction, though.
Speaking of Kim and Jen's time together, I've mentioned your smutty creativity before, but I have to bring it up again here. After several chapters (and the entire previous story) focusing on more extreme size differences, we got to see an amazon Kim use her two-inch height advantage to ravage Jen and do so in a very creative way. Lifting Jen up by her ass to eat her out almost like one does a watermelon is actually a pretty unique way to go about it, I think, and the whole thing was described beautifully. Then Jen uses a sucked-down sexed-up gummy cock to fuck her best friend and occasional lover, which is certainly not what I was expecting!
I'm eager to see what Jen does once she's the big one (assuming everything hasn't gone to shit by that point). Will she take on a more dominant role, or is tiny Kim still going to find a way to keep control of things?
Also, as I mentioned your descriptions, you had some really unique ones here. One of my favorites was Kim describing Olivia sitting on the bed as an amusement park attraction so tall that she would say "fuck it" and leave because there are too many stairs. I feel like a lot of descriptions get recycled through these giantess fetish stories (and there's nothing wrong with that; in fact, I find that some of these can carry an almost Pavlovian effect), so different ways to describe size tend to really stand out for me. This was probably the most unique, yet relatable one that I've seen yet. Well done!
And finally (I know, right?) I wanted to say that I appreciated the little explanation at the start when Claire noted the details about the FDA and patenting for the shrinking solution. This story has been very detail oriented, so I wasn't surprised that these minor details worked their way into the story, but I felt I should acknowledge my appreciation that you've put that much thought into your work.
Oh (extra finally, I guess), and Claire trying to not perv on Titty was cute and funny!
Now, I'm eager to see what Ronnie picks as Titty's punishment next chapter (you know, once she's able to speak again) and which Claire, erm, I mean, person is assigned to dole it out!
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for the review! Your detailed reviews are a great encouragement to continue with this literary venture.
I hear what you're saying about Missy. I was a little torn over how much info to drop in the lead-up to Aidra's intervention, and I feel like Missy comes across as borderline cruel on initial readthrough, but a second reveals she was aware of more than the text explicitly stated. Between her surveying the room, and getting a wink from Titty, there's some subtext going on that encouraged Melissa to relax her guard. That being said, Melissa is definitely a Vane, both by nature and by nurture, even if she has deviated from the family's intended course for her.
Aidra... let's just say I'm a big proponent for Chekhov's gun, so if I drop some hints about potential issues, failure to utilize them would only be due to a mistake on my part. Still, I don't expect Aidra to become Skynet or the terminator. She's a guardian sexbot at her core, so we'll see if and/or how that might manifest before the end.
Ah, yes, Professor Chae-Won. I'm really looking forward to her interacting with the rest of the cast, especially should she and Claire have a direct confrontation. That may be a couple chapters away, because...
We still need Stella to get involved, and we are past due for Claire to act on some info Victoria added to Stella's questionnaire.
On the cozier side, I'm also rooting for Jen to get off her high horse and realize what she could have with Kim. Perhaps Kim will just have to be a bit more convincing, or even recruit some help.
The details with the FDA approval have been around since before I started writing, but I never found a good place to explain it, and while I had Claire musing over the history of the shrinking solution, it seemed as good a place as any to slap it in there before Claire got too busy. I also wanted it clear at some point that there actually is enough legal backing for the solution for this business venture to legitimately have a chance, and Victoria to actually need to get approval for legal use of the solution.
Again, thanks for reading, and that goes triple for the review!