[Report This]Date: September 20 2023 6:23 AM Title: Chapter 7 - On Target
So yeah, I'm really hyped for Kim and Jen's bit of fun with the shrinking serum now!
First and foremost, I really, really like the way Jen's perspective was handled in this chapter. The false bravado from her narrative point of view blended well with the slightly timid way in which she actually spoke and acted to paint a picture of someone trying to psyche themselves up before doing something big. And the way she shit on Stella to help build her confidence was not only entertaining but relatable as well. I think pretty much everyone has looked at someone else's reaction to a tense or scary situation and used it as a way to motivate themselves at one time or another.
I also thought Jen's observations around the room were also handled well. I appreciated the description she gives us of what's happening with Ronnie, Dick, and company while going through the setup for her own time as a tiny. It made the room feel busy, which it should be, given all that's happening at the same time. And with her attention being split between Claire and Kim and the people at the other table, I liked that we only got bits and pieces of what was happening with the latter group. Jen obviously wouldn't know what was happening over there, and seeing that situation develop from a more distant perspective was not only fun, but it gave the room depth as well, if that makes any sense.
Oh, and I love the idea of the cum cannon, especially with Ronnie taking aim. Even when she's just in the background, she seems to find a way to steal the show.
Back to Jen's false bravado, I think that set up Kim's pep talk quite well, and it felt really impactful in that moment. I think Jen was so focused on hyping herself up and ignoring her fear that those words were exactly what she needed to hear to put herself at ease. I came out of that passage with a feeling that Jen was finally actually ready to go down, so to speak. And it really let Kim shine in a way that I don't think she has up until this point (I think she's been great so far, don't get me wrong, but up until that point I found myself being more drawn to other characters).
I'm also not the least bit surprised that Kim and Jen don't want the restraints. Kim likes to be in control, although I wouldn't describe her as controlling. I don't think she needs to have things go the way she wants them to, but at the same time, she's definitely a domme. She has an air of maturity and seems in control of herself, but really likes to dictate how things are going to go when she can.
And her love for Jen becomes more obvious with each chapter (not that it was a secret in the first place). Between that little speech and other small things, such as having Jen's bowl ready for her before she even arrives when we first meet the pair, it's pretty clear that she wants more than friendship (that talk about Jen's family also showed this, of course). It has to be frustrating for her to see Jen, who's perfect for her, so desperate to appease a family that doesn't seem to want her (at least from Kim's perspective) that the younger girl won't truly accept the love of someone who does (her, obviously). But Kim being Kim, seems to focus only on what she can control and keeps that air of maturity even during that frustrating conversation. And all of that also makes her little pep talk that much more meaningful.
Also, I'm super excited to seeing how an unrestrained Kim makes Jen feel that sense of helplessness that she wants to feel. Also also, excellent work by them to pick a one-syllable safe word. They, too, must have read the first story.
I should also note that I appreciated Claire's detailed answers to that impromptu Q&A. In particular, I was glad to see that I guessed right about them selling the experience rather than the product itself. It was also really smart of our favorite uptight professor to use the prospect of gaining a voice on how such tech is used to try to seal the deal with prospective investors. Dangerous, but smart.
And it was subtle, but it seemed as though Claire was having a bit of a hard time containing her excitement at supervising our streaming duo. She continues to soften that hard façade as the story marches on, and I love the way that's being handled. Nuance is always appreciated.
Finally, if I understood correctly, Elise is about to reinstall the microSD cards that Livy took out of her (you know, the ones that made her almost murder Missy and invade the interwebs) because she thinks the Fab Four are trying to hold something back for the presentation, right? That should end well.
In any case, I'm looking forward to seeing what shenanigans Hal 69,000 gets up to after all that.
[Report This]Date: September 19 2023 9:29 PM Title: Chapter 7 - On Target
"[Titania] licked her lips and around her mouth, extending the tips of her tongue around her mouth far enough to go past her chin..." Jesus Christ! Wow! Damn! Giving Larkin Love a run for her money.
Loved getting Stella's inner monologue. She honestly has every right to be freaking out at what's going on around her, specifically since no one informed her beforehand, and as much as I (and our main characters) would love to be in this position, it's refreshing to get the "normal" perspective of not wanting to be shrunken to absurd proportions.
Jen was also really well characterized here. Her somewhat nervous enthusiasm serves as a great contrast to Stella's extremely nervous repulsion, and it was so satisfying to see her mentally shut down and disregard Stella's preaching. That brief moment with Kim where she reassured Jen she'd be safe was sweet, and I enjoyed the conversations they had with Claire.
It'll be interesting to see where the story goes with Elise inserting the forbidden protocols into Aidra (assuming she succeeds in doing that, which feels likely). The whole "the Fab Four are to show the investors everything mentality, including glitchy beta builds, is a huge oversight on Elise's/Vanessa's part (though it may very well fit into Vanessa's master plan, I'm still working out her exact angle). The thought of the Fab Four's hard work being sabotaged (potentially to disastrous levels) by their corporate overlord is frustrating and makes for a compelling narrative.
Criticisms for this chapter: The story gets difficult to visualize once it gets techy (namely, the ring and bowl around Dick's dick, and Elise activating the spider bot). It took me a while to figure out what was going on with Dick. I understood what the shapes were and where they were going, but having no clue as to their purpose (especially in relation to Ronnie) had me confused about what was happening until Dick started shooting. I got the impression you were being intentionally vague since this was from Jen's perspective, and while I loved that a couple chapters ago with Ronnie, here it just made it hard to parse what was happening as opposed to leading me to want to fill in the blanks. With Elise, I think some analogies/similes or more plainspeak description of what the drone looks like, what it's doing, how small it is, etc. would help (or it could just be me being dumb, it wouldn't be the first time). Also, there were quite a few typos this chapter. That's not something I'd normally note, but there were enough here to distract me from an otherwise solid chapter.
I think it's commendable that you kept up a consistent release schedule for as long as you did, and please feel free to break those deadlines with a sledgehammer. I could never be that orderly with my releases, and if I were, it would lead to a noticeable drop in quality. I respect that you've been really consistent up to this point with few signs of rushing. Personally, I find keeping a less strict timetable (something like once a week or so vs. every week on specific days) helps keep me on track without stressing me out, but I know everyone writes differently, so I hope you can find a schedule that works best for you. And yeah, this stuff does not take priority. Do whatever you need or want to do instead, the smut can come after. I will wait however long you want me too, so keep up the great work!
Author's Response:
*Awkward head scratch* Ehehehe, yeah, this wasn't my best showing. I'd been away from my PC too long, and ended up banging out 80% of this chapter in the dark corner of a McDonalds on my phone's Notes app. The editing was... rushed, to say the least.
Regarding your wonderful feedback: Titania is big on the self-body modification, and tongue stretching and splitting are both real proceedures with varying degrees of effectiveness (varies person to person). Larkin Love would be a good comparison.
Stella is in a very real, if metaphorical, crucible. This is where Victoria gets to see just what kind of person she is when someone turns up the heat. Meanwhile we get that convenient reminder of just what a normal reaction to being tiny and at the mercy of strangers would be like (because I haven't played up this angle, but Stella knows NOBODY here. Except for a couple brief meetings in disguise, she's never met these people before.)
I'm glad Jen's personality is still coming across as intended. She's the youngest in the room (aside from Stella) and her income is entirely based on sitting her her room playing video games (gross oversimplification, I know, apologies to any streamers who read this), which means her exposure to potential physical harm, and to such an unbalanced power dynamic, is something she generally left behind. I think she's doing well so far.
Ah, yes, the sabotage. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.
As for the criticisms, they are 1000% valid. I shouldn't sacrifice on quality for the sake of a regular release schedule. This isn't a commission or a patreon.
I'll have to give this one a partial rewrite - not to change events, but to improve description. Clarify that the drone is basically a stout box with OLED panels for sides, six transparent legs manipulated by thin wires coming from the box, and a tiny camera on the end of a wire sticking out the front, and it's compact enough to fit in a lady's purse along with her other essentials.
As for Titty's toy, that was a last-minute choice from a pool of gadget ideas that had been bumbling around in my brain. I can picture Titty coming up with a concept for a cock ring that functions as a Cum Cannon. That's just who she is. I roughly conceptualized it as a tool to restrict flow and enhance a tiny's ability to aim, but again... I rushed this one.
And that rush showed itself in several ways, such as the myriad typos and really substandard descriptions. After all the help and encouragement I've received, I owe it to you all, and I suppose to myself as well, to give you quality, and this wasn't it.
Again and always, thanks for the review. It means a lot.