Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: September 07 2023 2:50 AM Title: Chapter 4 - The Key is Yogurt

Yeah, don't worry about switching your timetable to two chapters per week instead of three. Two is pretty impressive in its own right, and you should be proud that you were able to churn out three per week at such high quality for as long as you did.

There were a lot of thing that were interesting about this chapter, but Elise stuck out to me the most. You've set up a very likeable "villain" in her, as it looks like she's the one who is actually going to do our heroes dirty, albeit at Victoria's behest. But you started when we fist met Elise last chapter, showing us that she sees the good beneath her boss's cold, ruthless exterior. Now we see exactly why she's so loyal to the elder Vane sister, and it's admirable that she clearly feels a need to pay back that debt, so much so that she almost seems nervous to disappoint Victoria, even when she doesn't have a reason to be.

I can also see Elise justifying what she's about to do by not really liking the Fab Four. We haven't necessarily seen that directly yet, but I don't think it's a coincidence that she chose the moment that the meeting went completely silly to stop listening and call her boss. I can see her no-nonsense attitude clashing with the more fun-loving attitude of our heroines. More importantly, after hearing her suggestion for how the shrinking solution should be used, I wouldn't be surprised if she was insulted at the group's idea of limiting its use to being sex accessory. In her mind, Elise is probably rescuing the solution from four sex-crazed idiot savants who would waste the potential of their inventions.

In short, I really like how we have five characters that the audience can get behind, even though one of them is on the opposite side and about to do some shady shit.

And obviously, I still don't trust Victoria as far as I can throw her or any other fictional character, for that matter. Everything she says makes logical sense, but she gives off the vibe that her motivations are more self-centered than she lets on. Her neutral reaction, rather than excitement, to Elise's pitch to use the shrinking solution on the battlefield screams that her motivations are impure, at least it does to me. This makes her a good villain, as you've written her in a way that you can't tell exactly what it is, but something just feels off about her.

Olivia acknowledging that being with Melissa has helped her become more assertive, which we've also seen from her in the previous chapters. In a lot of fictional romances, there's a lot of talk about how couples complete each other or make each other better, but it's good to actually see it than to have the characters just give lip service about it.

So obviously Claire has a thing for Titty. That makes a lot of sense to me. I said early on that I thought Claire has a wild side dying to escape, so it's only natural that she be drawn to the wild member of the group. I think it's funny that Olivia was so concerned that Titty wouldn't be ready for prim and proper Claire, but when Titty joined the conversation butt naked, Claire's reaction was one of lust rather than disgust. And Claire didn't seem the least bit phased by a naked Missy sitting in Livy's cleavage, so it isn't as though that would be her reaction to any nude women.

Also, seeing Claire, the supposed adult in the room, being dragged into their nonsense at the end of their part of the chapter (as well as her reaction to touching Titty) was pretty fun to picture.

It was also intriguing, although brief, to see Olivia hint that there's more to Titania than meets the eye when she reflected on Tara's tattoos and piercings. So far, even going back to Turnabout is Fair Play, Titty has been the zany, sexed-up, never-take-anything-seriously member of the band. If/when we dig into that something deeper that she's using all of that sex energy to hide behind, the payoff is going to be massive.

As always, Livy and Missy are super cute together. Olivia's smuggling operation was a very well written bit of entrapment, and writing it from her point of view gave it a different feel than most of the scenes like that that I've read. I know there were narrative reasons for this as well, but I think this helped the fetishy part of the chapter stand out as well. And everything else with them in the chapter, from Livy protecting Missy from Aidra to Missy feeding Livy to Livy protecting Missy from Titty, was just heartwarming and adorable to read.

Oh, and I'm loving Livy's narrative bits. I mean, all of the perspectives we've see thus far have been well written and fun to read, but I'm really enjoying the little bits of reflection and memories Olivia adds when we follow her.

Lastly, with these first few chapters into this new story, between the new characters and the introduction of some of the science and technical work behind everything, this world seems so much bigger than it did at the end of Turnabout. Yeah, that story focused almost entirely on two (or three, if you count Aidra) characters in a bedroom, but those small beginnings have only served to make the rapid expansion this story has provided feel that much bigger. It's honestly pretty impressive.

Not only that, but using those four weeks of setup (with a couple bits of fetish content here and there) have really built anticipation for the big presentation. I've really liked the story so far, but I'm pretty eager to see things ramp up in the chapters ahead, and the patient start to this story has only let the anticipation mount.

Author's Response:

Thank you for yet another insightful chapter review!

It's been an interesting set-up, putting Aidra on the back-burner as an obstacle overcome or danger passed by (except for Missy who will likely never forget that time spent waiting and wondering if she was going to be digested).  Instead, we have a potential and growing source of conflict from characters who's interests diverge from our leading ladies.  While our Fab Four are trying to bring joy and sexy times in a responsible manner, we have a collective willing to claim moral authority asking the important and potentially dangerous moral questions: if you have the ability to help, do you have the moral obligation to do so?  Does someone else have the moral authority to step in and take that ability to help if you are unwilling /disconsiderate enough not to help?  If your actions for the good of others will also have farreaching negative consequences as a side-effect, does this impact your moral authority?  Does turning people into sexy little playthings for your enjoyment undermine your valorous attempts to save lives?  Wait, I'm not sure any of the cast are asking that last question (yet).

It has been my intention thag all of our characters have different answers to these questions, based on their backstories, and how the kindness - or lack-there-of - experienced in their past colors the nuances of their answers.  But for now, the exploration if those answers can wait.  Tomorrow, we'll see scenes of everyone moving into town or preparing for the demo, and we'll get to see how people begin to approach problem solving when shringing an offensive individual becomes a possible course of action.

Titania and Claire started out as flavor text while I was still fleshing out Turnabout is Fair Play, but I have come to love and adore both of them.  You are not wrong that the worldbuilding has grown the scope of this series significantly, even beyond what I originally envisioned.  Once the demo is under way, don't be surprised if we see some cracks in Claire's prudish defense mechanism, and the scene where we learn about what drove Titania to such extensive body modification has already been written (though I'm still making edits - I want to do our succu-girl proud).  I'm very excited to share that one.

Finally, with the Friday chapter, our anticipatory build-up chapters will come to a close.  Monday will begin the demo, and that's when we will get to the sweet, chocolatey center of this story.  Man, I'm so excited, I can't wait! 

And as always, thanks for your kind review!