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Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: August 17 2017 10:15 AM Title: Chapter 2

It's a shame there isn't more. You have quite the story brewing. A few little mistakes here and there but overall a very nice read.

Reviewer: Aborigen Signed starstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: February 03 2015 1:09 PM Title: Chapter 2

This is pretty good. The action is clear, and I like the shift in perspective between the two chapters. There are a number of incomplete sentences, however, possibly meant to capture a moment or add to the atmosphere. That might be accentuated with paragraph breaks.

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