Date: April 01 2013 11:49 PM Title: Chapter 1 In Love
I like the premise if the story it's very original, however there are a few noticeable grammar errors, but I think you'll improve on those over time.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the advice
[Report This]Date: February 21 2013 3:44 PM Title: Chapter 1 In Love
Well, the first grammar errors that come to mind are the conjoining of character quotes (a.k.a. dialogue) with the narrative text. Please, separate them via double spacing. I ask this as someone who was initially guilty of it, myself.
Author's Response:
I'll keep this in mind and thank you
[Report This]Date: February 11 2013 10:30 PM Title: Chapter 1 In Love
I like it!
I'm usually more of a "get to the action" sort of guy, but when it's well-written, I like a good build up.
Tl;dr version: Nice!
Author's Response:
Thank you
[Report This]Date: February 08 2013 4:33 PM Title: Chapter 1 In Love
Good start. I'm going to follow up on stubbornstain here. Separate the dialogue from everything else. It's a whole lot easier to read and more professional looking. Your spelling is on the cleaner side, but some grammar errors more toward the end. The biggest thing I have to say is, use commas. A lot of places in your story could require it. Like here,
"Don't worry, you won't see him around anymore." Add commas in little places like that. Helps a whole lot.
That's my review. Any future ones will be a lot shorter and will mostly say things like "good chapter." I am expectant for another update. Keep writing.
Author's Response:
Thank You I'll Keep That In Mind
Date: February 08 2013 2:51 PM Title: Chapter 1 In Love
It's a decent start, and I have a feeling this will be a good story, although I am a bit worried about the insertion tag. Most stories tend to rush into the sex scenes, and despite having nothing against insertion, I hoping sex scenes won't dominate the story.
You should split up the paragraphs a big better. Everything seems to be clumped together. Each paragraph should contain one (or two) ideas at the most and speech of different characters should be on separate lines.
Author's Response:
No I was thinking of adding the sex part till later and also thank you