Date: November 07 2018 3:12 AM Title: Explanations
when a character doesn't real it ruins the story like you did this story like when his sister tried kill him the mother cried more for the killer then him that is were the characters seem so fake you at least you need them believeable ,¡f my sister did that to me how do you forgive someone you hate that is were you ruined the story he wasn't a beliveable even fantasy has to be beliveable to be a good story it was a good story up until his sister tied to kill him
[Report This]Date: January 15 2013 8:55 PM Title: Explanations
Great last couple chapters. Although I'm confused as to why Katelyn didn't look for Andrew immideately after she realized he was missing? Even before she told Tanya in her bedroom, I would've thought she could at least have been sweeping the ground outside or inside.. Now I liked the reaction Tanya had towards her sister, very believable as well as Judy's cause she seemed like she was gonna have a nervious breakdown at any second( liked how that was written).
At any rate, love this story an can't wait to see what happens next.
aaron
Author's Response:
It took her a while to realize Andrew was gone and by that point, it would be near impossible to find him with him hidden in the tall grass in any of the yards of the houses on their street.
Glad you like it, chapter 11 is a lot more interesting and after that, well, it really starts to be fun.
[Report This]Date: January 15 2013 7:04 PM Title: Explanations
I kinda lost track man, But i'm in the process of rereading your other storys(a bug in her kitchen) then I can give you a 'real', review.... I did read this though, and It is very well written, but, just somthing that I do, Maybe It help you Too
Reread, each sentence. Every time that you put a period, (reread) then correct, (Then) continue, Cleans it up alot as you go along, Ya Know? I do that automatic, Now, and it seems to help me alot, But, jus' sayin.....
*wildcatman*
Author's Response:
I usually do that, but chapter 10 was a little rushed as it is. I could go back and clean it up and I might do that.