[Report This]Date: December 13 2012 1:55 AM Title: Toothpasting
Excellent as usual. The dialogue is positively chilling and the action is as palpable as it is sickeningly brutal. I'm normally not a huge fan of gory stories, not because I'm opposed to them, but because most people lose the limited realism factor of these stories in those segments. What you have here is both grounded and descriptive, which makes it all the more impactful. Great stuff here. With your talent for this particular genre of fiction writing, I'd love to at some point see you tackle a story that revolves a bit more around extended torture play that's perhaps even exclusively mental rather than physical, but whatever you do, keep contributing here, because you're very good at it.
[Report This]Date: December 12 2012 7:02 PM Title: Toothpasting
Since the chapter was called "Toothpasting", I sort of expected Jasmine to squeeze Heather like a tube of toothpaste. I thought that Jasmine was going to put her thumb on Heather's pelvis and kind of drag/push her thumb upward, cracking Heather's pelvis, making her bones splinter and pierce her organs and abdomen while forcing her innards and blood to all come up out of her mouth (provided that Jasmine didn't accidentally crush the girl's chest first.) Wow. The more I think about it, the more I can hear faint, wet, choking noises, gurgling, retching, and bones cracking. Hmmm...I'm beginning to question my sanity...
If you want to use the idea that I posted, you totally can. It'd be really, really cool.