Reviewer: dilbertaco Signed
October 02 2018
Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Everybody Knows Maddie
Good writing style! And actual paragraphs, too!
I’d recommend considering different ways to start a new paragraph where someone is not talking. Just scrolling up, it looks like 4/5 times a paragraph starts with a proper name. Just some constructive criticism is all. I love the description of the mother, though I’m curious of her name, and how you infused Maddie with some pent-up latent incestuous feelings towards her mother and her feet. Even the brief description of “the incident” where she’s stepped on in the middle of the night and crushed beneath her heel as a brief flashback was hot. Hope to see Maddie receive some discipline from her mother and sister!
I'm confused have I not usually done paragraphs in my other stories lol? And yeah I just re-read the 1st chapter and I didn't realize I was using names to start them off so frequently. Definitely need to pay attention to that lol, thanks.