Reviewer: Divediveburners Signed
Date: May 28 2022
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1- A Rushed Marriage.
This was a chronicle, and I finished that doorstopper chapter in 10 minutes, I believe.
The "society of giantesses who need tiny men to reproduce" was a concept I haven't really seen, despite the nature of this site. I've thought about it for awhile, but never put it to paper. You took the initiative and fleshed it out rather nicely. I rather like how you exposit the various traditions and culture of the giantess society, carried out through conversation, or even through action. It tends to come across more naturally, and in my opinion, allows the reader to more actively recall them.
It appears the kingdom of Ranate was not such a pleasant place a few years before, and it was specifically due to Ana, that relationships between giantess and man became more benevolent. You've done a good job of establishing that these not so gentle traditions, or attitudes at least, are carrying on in some form.
Leon so far, appears to be a reactive protagonist. We've got a good handle on his backstory, but he seems to be "along for the ride" at this point. As the story picks up, I'd like to see him make active decisions, that at least change his own situation.
Ana appears to be pretty fun and playful. I know you've withheld exactly how and why she purged the more cruel practices of Renate. It appears it was well-received, in the most part. I'm interested in getting the backstory on that.
As for the writing, you've refined your craft from the previous story. There were segments I thought were incredibly rushed, but not too many. For example, the journey Miranda takes carrying Leon to the castle I think could have been fleshed out more. But, overall, the improvement in your writing is significant. Since this isn't a one-shot (at least, that's the implication), I'll rate when more chapters come out.
Author's Response: I’m glad people are picking up on the smaller details I’m adding in (Ranate is a nicer place due to Ana etc).
As for my writing itself, thank you very much for the high praise. Although as you’ve said, pacing wise I could do better. I did somewhat realise I rushed the beginning segment to get the actual relationship part.
Now, for where I want to take this story. Perhaps I’m just a bit foolishly, overly ambitious but I kinda want to really utilise the world in its maximum affect. Adding in new characters from new locations and exploring new locations.
As you said, this is basically a door stopper chapter. It introduces us this world, and two very significant characters. (Though I mentioned other ones too. E.g Miranda, Beth) as well as significant details about them, and things they’ve done in the past. To expand on this, I wanted to add more chapters (or hell new entire stories set in the same world) to really flesh out the concept. (For example, I rushed the part with Miranda as I thought I could flesh her out at a different point/story.)
An example is a new chapter or a new story idea is to explore a theocratic country. (Perhaps someone from Ranate invades there. Perhaps it’s a new character. Perhaps the ruler is a giantess? Etc)
Yeah, I realise it sounds a bit too ambitious. But it’s exciting enough for me to want to write that.
For the point about Leon as a character, I’ve realised I struggle with the characterisation of how to make the tiny interesting. But, everyone loves a bit of character development. So we’ll see where that takes us.
Again, thanks for the review. I hope you continue to follow along if more updates are to come!